Many things come with age, from not feeling as fit and full of energy to having fewer friends.
As we all get older, we must work harder to stave off feelings of loneliness, especially in a world where people seem lonelier than ever. If you’re worried about a relative, it might be time to check in on them. Here are 15 habits that show someone is becoming lonelier as they get older.
1. They say no to social events.
Back in the day, your grandpa was the life of the party, always the first to turn up and then stay until the last person said goodbye. He would engage with everyone, ask interesting questions, and bring a positive, energetic vibe. Now, he tends to make up an excuse for why he can’t be there whenever you have family gatherings. This could be a sign that he’s becoming lonelier.
2. They don’t chat about deep things.
Perhaps it’s been a while since you visited your grandpa, but you know that the conversation is always lively and exciting. You decided to break this streak and see him earlier this week. When you did, you found that the conversation was great, but it made you realize something — you never get deep with him. He always keeps things on a surface level, never talking about his feelings or what he might be going through.
3. They always claim to be busy.
Not only does your grandpa turn down family gatherings, but when he does, his excuses always have to do with the fact that he’s busy. It’s not because he’s tired or doesn’t like driving at night; it’s because he’s got a friend coming over he hasn’t seen in a while, or he’s got to go to the grocery store. He never used to prioritize other things over family.
4. They have issues sleeping.
If someone gets lonelier as they get older, they will often find sleeping difficult. Perhaps when you visited your grandpa, the conversation turned to sleep, and he mentioned that he’d had trouble getting off to sleep and then staying asleep for the last few weeks. He says he falls asleep in his chair in the lounge, but when he goes to bed, he can’t turn his mind off. He’s probably ruminating on feelings of isolation.
5. They are too attached to their possessions.
You caught up with your mom the other day, and she talked about how she’d visited Grandpa last week, too. She said she’d spoken with him about throwing out some of his stuff because his house was starting to look like a hoarder’s. However, she said he flat-out refused, dismissing the topic altogether. He’s most likely holding on to material items because he’s feeling lonely and doesn’t have human contact to compensate.
6. They hide how they’re feeling.
In addition to keeping conversations on a surface level, you can never get anything emotional out of your grandpa. You’ve never seen him cry as he got older, and when you talked to him about his lack of sleep, he seemed to approach the topic pragmatically before quickly changing it. You’ve brought emotional issues to the table, and he’s always been willing to listen, but when showing sadness, frustration, or anger himself, he’s always been reserved. Perhaps he feels shame about being lonely and can’t bear to share it with anyone.
7. They’re too hard on themselves.
If you feel like your grandpa is becoming lonelier as he ages, you might find him particularly hard on himself. He’s always been charitable to others and given much time to helping those in need, but when thinking of himself, he’s become more critical. Perhaps when you visited him, he wouldn’t stop mumbling about how useless he was at making dinner or that he was an idiot for not returning his library books on time. He might blame himself for his feelings of loneliness.
8. They spend too much time on the internet.
Because your grandpa didn’t grow up with the internet, like other seniors, he’s taken some time to get used to it. Only in the last few years has he gotten a computer and refused to upgrade his iPhone from the first edition. However, your mom reported a month or so ago that every time she went to visit him, she found him on his computer. You also find that he is, too, whenever you’re on Facebook — even if it’s in the middle of the night. He could be using it to relieve his feelings of loneliness temporarily.
9. They might feel they aren’t understood.
When people become lonelier as they get older, they feel less and less like the people around them understand their feelings or what they’re going through. Your grandpa might be isolating himself increasingly from his family and friends because he feels nobody can relate to his feelings. He prefers to be alone, spending time online and in his house, then faced with the perceived reality that nobody can understand him.
10. They shop a lot.
For your grandpa to fill his house with stuff, he must have an out-of-control shopping habit. When you were younger, you knew him to be frugal with everything, only buying the necessities. Now, when he is online, he spends half his time on Facebook and the other half shopping on Amazon. He buys everything online, from pliers to socks to hot water bottles. Your mom says that every time she visits him, there’s a package at the door. He’s trying to fill that lonely gap with material items, and the thrill of making purchases relieves those feelings temporarily and fills up his time.
11. They are judgmental.
You’ve always accepted your grandpa as part of the older generation, meaning that you’re not going to see eye to eye on everything, but you’ve found that this has gotten worse over the last few years. When you introduced your new partner to him a couple of years ago, he clarified that he disapproved, giving them a hard time and asking them interrogating questions. It’s taken all this time for him to come around and accept them.
12. They are set in their ways.
When people feel lonely as they age, they cling to habits and routines to get them through the day. Your grandpa might have made a habit of going to the grocery store every Monday morning for the last couple of years, and every time your mom tries to visit on Mondays or encourages him to do something different with her, he flat-out refuses, getting worked up over needing to make it to the grocery store.
13. Lonely people surround them.
Even though your grandpa has isolated himself more and more over the last few years, he still has a couple of core friends with whom he spends time. However, these friends don’t seem to bring him out of his shell and force him to be sociable — in fact, they do the opposite. They tend to get stuck on the same old topics, like how lonely they are and how frustrated they are with their friends and family, and all he does with them is sit inside and drink.
14. They are irritable.
Over the last couple of years, your grandpa has taken a nosedive in the grumpy department. Whenever you used to ring him up for a chat, he would answer the phone brightly, telling you how much he’s missed you and how good it is to hear your voice. Now, though, whenever you call him, he sounds disappointed when he picks up and realizes it’s you, and throughout your conversation, he keeps dropping hints that he has to go. He doesn’t know how to deal with his loneliness, so they manifest themselves through irritation.
15. They lose motivation.
Perhaps you’ve always known your grandpa as being someone who is a clean freak. You would argue that he has bordered on neuroticism in the past. However, when you’ve visited him lately, you’ve found that he’s slowly letting things go. The carpet looks like it hasn’t been vacuumed in weeks, and dirty dishes are piling up in the sink. When people are lonely, they lose their drive to maintain themselves and their surrounding environment.
