First dates often feel like job interviews but with the added pressure of deciding if you want to potentially spend the rest of your life with this person. No biggie, right? While everyone’s a bit nervous and trying to put their best foot forward, some phrases can be dead giveaways that your date isn’t exactly on the market for something serious. Let’s look at some phrases that might have you reaching for the check.
1. “Let’s just see where this goes.”
On the surface, this might seem open and flexible. But often, it’s a noncommittal way of keeping things casual. It allows him to enjoy your company without any real investment or intention. If you’re looking for someone who’s actively interested in building a relationship, this wishy-washy attitude will likely leave you high and dry.
2. “I’m really focused on my career right now.”
Ambition is great, but when it’s presented as a preemptive excuse for not having time for a relationship, it’s problematic. What he’s really saying is, “You’re not a priority, and I don’t plan on making you one.” Unless you’re cool with always coming second to his job and friends, this is a red flag.
3. “I’m not big on labels.”
The commitment phobe’s battle cry! While it’s true that relationships don’t need to be strictly defined right away, an aversion to labels often indicates something bigger…an aversion to commitment. He wants the freedom to keep his options open while enjoying your company. No thanks.
4. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship before.”
This guy is called a relationship virgin, according to Psychology Today. While everyone has to start somewhere, if he’s past his mid-20s and has never had a serious relationship, it might be worth asking why. It could indicate a fear of commitment, an inability to connect deeply, or just a preference for casual flings. Either way, if you’re looking for something serious, you might be signing up for an uphill battle.
5. “I’m just going with the flow.”
Oh, so he’s carefree and relaxed! Right? Wrong—in reality, this often means, “I’m not willing to put in any effort or make any concrete plans.” Relationships require intention and effort. If he’s not willing to do that, you might be better off on your own.
6. “I’m not good at texting/calling.”
In today’s world, this is often code for “Don’t expect consistent communication from me.” While not everyone needs to be in touch 24/7, an unwillingness to engage in basic communication is a red flag. Relationships thrive on effort, and if he’s not willing to put in the bare minimum, it’s telling.
7. “I’m really independent.”
Independence is great, but when emphasized on a first date, it might mean “I don’t have room for you in my life.” He’s setting the stage for a relationship where you’ll always feel like an afterthought. A healthy relationship balances independence with interdependence.
8. “I’m not sure what I want.”
Uncertainty is human, but declaring it on a first date isn’t promising if you’re looking for something serious. It often translates to “I’m not sure if I want you, but I’m willing to pass the time until I figure it out.” You deserve someone who sees you as a “hell yes,” not a “maybe.”
9. “I’m just out of a long-term relationship.”
Rebound alert! Is it possible to start a healthy relationship soon after ending another? Yes, but it’s rare. This phrase often means he’s either not over his ex or he’s looking for a quick fix to feel better. Either way, you might end up as an emotional band-aid rather than a genuine romantic interest.
10. “I’m not really a relationship person.”
Well, at least he’s honest? This is basically him telling you upfront that he’s not interested in or capable of maintaining a serious relationship. If you’re looking for something long-term, this is your cue to thank him for his honesty and move on.
11. “I like keeping my options open.”
Translation: “I’m actively dating multiple people and don’t plan to stop.” If exclusivity and commitment are what you’re after, this phrase is a clear indicator that you’re not on the same page. He’s essentially telling you that you’re one of many, not one in a million.
12. “I’m married to my job.”
While dedication is great (and attractive!), this phrase often indicates an unwillingness to make space for a relationship. It’s fine to be career-focused, but if he’s already telling you that work will always come first, believe him. You deserve someone who’s willing to create a work-life balance that includes you.
13. “My ex was crazy.”
According to Psychology Today, this is a red flag! Not only does this show he’s still hung up on his ex, but it also demonstrates a lack of responsibility in past relationships. Everyone has relationship baggage, but unpacking it on the first date? That’s a no-no. Plus, if all his exes are “crazy,” the common denominator might just be him.
14. “I’m still finding myself.”
This phrase often translates to “I’m not ready to factor someone else into my life plans.” It’s the emotional equivalent of an “Under Construction” sign. Unless you’re looking to be part of someone’s journey of self-discovery (spoiler alert: it’s usually a solo trip), this might be your cue to exit…and quick.
15. “I’m still friends with all my exes.”
While being on good terms with exes isn’t inherently bad, proudly proclaiming it on a first date can be a red flag. It might indicate he has trouble letting go, or worse, he keeps his exes around as backups. Either way, you might be signing up for more drama than you want.
16. “I’m not looking to rush into anything.”
This can be reasonable, rushing into relationships isn’t always the smart thing to do. However, on a first date, this phrase often means, “Don’t expect any commitment from me anytime soon.” If you’re looking for someone who’s open to building a relationship if things go well, this might not be your guy.
