Let’s have a heart-to-heart about relationships. You know, the kind that’s supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy… but sometimes doesn’t. Love can be complicated, but it should never leave you feeling constantly drained, anxious, or worthless. If that’s hitting close to home, stick around. We’re about to show you some signs that your relationship might be veering into toxic territory.
1. They invalidate you
Ever feel like your feelings are being dismissed, where your emotions are always “too much” or “not enough?” Your partner might say things like, “You’re overreacting” or “Stop being so sensitive.” This can make you doubt your own emotional responses and you might start to think, “Maybe I am too sensitive” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.” But here’s the truth: Your feelings are valid, period. They’re not up for debate or judgment. A healthy partner might not always understand your emotions, but they should always respect them.
2. They guilt trip you
This isn’t just about the occasional “I wish you could spend more time with me.” No, this is next-level guilt-tripping. They might blame you for their unhappiness, make you feel guilty for spending time with friends, or even accuse you of not caring enough when you set boundaries. They flip every situation to make you the bad guy to keep you constantly trying to prove your love and commitment. But you shouldn’t have to earn affection through self-sacrifice.
3. They give you the silent treatment
We’re talking about prolonged periods of silence used as punishment. Maybe you did something they didn’t like, and now they’re giving you the cold shoulder. It’s a passive-aggressive way to exert control and make you feel anxious and unworthy. You might find yourself desperately trying to “fix” things, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
4. They compare you to others
“Why can’t you be more like…” If this phrase makes you want to scream into a pillow, you might be dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship. They’re constantly measuring you against others—their ex, their friend, that random person they met at the grocery store who apparently folds laundry better than you. This constant comparison is designed to keep you off-balance, but you’re not a product to be compared and rated. You’re a unique person and that’s what makes you awesome.
5. They control you financially
Money talks, but in a toxic relationship, it screams. Financial abuse often goes hand-in-hand with emotional abuse. Does your partner control all the finances, even if you contribute? Do they make you account for every penny you spend or withhold money as punishment? Maybe they discourage you from working or advancing your career, keeping you financially dependent on them. If your partner is using money to control you, it’s a major red flag.
6. They blame you for everything
Sounds like your partner is the reigning champion of the “It’s Always Your Fault,” gameshow. Did they forget to buy milk? It’s because you distracted them. They had a bad day at work? Somehow, it’s your fault. Did they say something hurtful? Well, you made them do it. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? This constant deflection of responsibility can leave you feeling like you’re always walking on eggshells, trying to prevent the next thing that will inevitably be your fault. But everyone makes mistakes, and mature adults own up to them. You’re not responsible for your partner’s actions or emotions.
7. They threaten to leave
If you do/don’t do X, I’m leaving.” Sound familiar? This tactic keeps you in a constant state of anxiety about the stability of your relationship. You might find yourself constantly trying to please them or avoid conflict, just to prevent them from leaving. But healthy love doesn’t come with ultimatums. A secure relationship can make it through disagreements without threats of abandonment.
8. They’re jealous
Does your partner get upset if you so much as smile at the barista? Do they accuse you of flirting or cheating without any evidence? Maybe they demand to check your phone or insist on knowing your whereabouts 24/7. This is about control and it stems from their own insecurities. You shouldn’t have to prove your faithfulness constantly.
9. They withhold affection
Love shouldn’t be a reward system, but some partners use affection like a dog treat—only giving it out when you’ve been “good.” They might withhold kisses, intimacy, or even basic kindness as a way to punish you or get what they want. It’s emotional manipulation 101. One day they’re all lovey-dovey, the next they’re cold as ice, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. But remember: true love isn’t conditional and it doesn’t get withdrawn every time there’s a disagreement.
10. They don’t support your dreams
Got a promotion at work? Finished a personal project? In a healthy relationship, your partner would be popping champagne and cheering you on. But a toxic partner? They’re more likely to pop your balloon. They might downplay your achievements, find ways to criticize them, or somehow make it about them. “Oh, you got a promotion? I guess you’ll be working late more often and neglecting me.” A true partner should be your biggest fan, not your adversary.
11. They’re really controlling
Does your partner need a GPS tracker on you 24/7? Do they freak out if you don’t respond to their text within 0.5 seconds? A controlling partner might disguise their behavior as concern or love, but make no mistake—it’s about power. They might try to dictate who you can see, what you can wear, or how you spend your money. This level of control isn’t cute, it’s not protective, and it’s definitely not love. It’s a way to isolate you and make you dependent on them.
12. They have mood swings
One minute they’re showering you with affection, the next they’re giving you the cold shoulder and you have no idea why. You shouldn’t need a weather app to predict your partner’s emotional climate. This unpredictability keeps you constantly on edge, anxious about saying or doing the “wrong” thing. A healthy relationship should feel stable and safe, not like an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you dizzy and nauseous.
13. They emotionally blackmail you
Your partner might threaten to hurt themselves if you leave, or withhold affection unless you comply with their demands. They might say things like, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” or “If you really cared, you wouldn’t hang out with your friends so much.” This manipulative tactic plays on your emotions to control your behavior.
14. They critique you
We’re talking about more than the occasional “honey, maybe not that shirt with those pants.” This is constant nitpicking about your appearance, your friends, your dreams…basically, everything that makes you, well, you. It’s like living with Simon Cowell, minus the entertainment value and plus a whole lot of hurt. You might find yourself second-guessing every decision, from what to wear to what career to pursue.
15. They gaslight you
Ever distinctly remember a conversation, but your partner swears it never happened? According to the APA, gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where your partner makes you question your own reality. They might deny saying something you clearly remember, accuse you of overreacting to their hurtful behavior, or even rearrange things in your environment and insist they were always that way. The goal? To make you doubt your own perceptions and memories, leaving you reliant on them to define reality.
