1. Gaslighting
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a person makes someone else question their own memory, perception, or sanity to gain power and control. It’s gross and abusive behavior, but it happens more often than you’d think. For instance, if you bring up something they did that hurt you, they might twist the facts or outright deny that it ever happened, making you question your own ability to remember things correctly.
2. Playing the Victim
When confronted about their behavior, manipulators often play the victim. They might say things like “You’re always attacking me” or “You make me feel like I can’t do anything right.” This tactic shifts the focus from their behavior to your reaction, making you feel guilty for confronting them.
3. Pointing Out Your Flaws
If you call out a manipulator on their behavior, they may shift the blame onto you by pointing out your flaws or mistakes. This is a diversion that’s meant to take the attention away from their own behavior and instead make you feel guilty or inadequate in some way. It’s odd how their wrongdoing somehow becomes an occasion to perform a character assassination on you.
4. Using Emotional Blackmail
Manipulators often use emotional blackmail to shift blame and evoke guilt. They might make statements like, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t question me,” using your feelings to manipulate your actions and make you feel guilty for challenging them. While you should never feel bad for being empathetic and understanding, you can’t let people use these positive qualities against you.
5. Minimizing Their Actions
A common tactic manipulators use is downplaying their actions or their impact. They might say things like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion,” making you feel guilty for being affected by their actions. In reality, anyone with a working brain and a pair of eyes can see that they’re clearly in the wrong here.
6. Changing the Subject
When confronted, manipulators might quickly switch topics to something unrelated that you might have done wrong in the past. They don’t want to answer for their behavior, so they instead look for anything else to talk about — and that often tends to be shifting the focus back to you.
7. Using Your Weaknesses Against You
Manipulators often know your insecurities and weaknesses and will happily use them against you to put themselves in a position of power. They might say things that they know will hurt you or make you feel guilty, shifting the blame onto you and away from their own actions. The good thing is that once you become aware of this pattern, it starts to lose all effect on you.
8. Playing Dumb
Sometimes manipulators may pretend not to understand the issue at hand. By playing dumb, they can avoid taking responsibility for their actions and make you feel bad for expecting them to understand or change. According to Betterhelp, weaponized incompetence is big with manipulators—but how is it that they’re able to live in the world, yet can’t understand basic concepts? Something’s not adding up there…
9. Using Guilt Trips
Manipulators lay it on thick with the guilt to shift blame and control other people. They might say things like “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” to make you feel indebted and bad for not bending to their every whim. Most of the time, they don’t have a leg to stand on since chances are, they haven’t actually done all that much for you in the first place. However, that won’t stop them from trying this one out.
10. Comparing You to Others
They might compare you to others to make you feel inadequate. For instance, they could say, “My ex never had a problem with this.” This tactic is designed to make you feel bad about yourself and question your reactions or feelings. It might also serve to make you insecure — if you don’t want to be left, surely you need to change to better suit what they want, right? (Wrong!)
11. Projecting
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person attributes their own negative traits or behaviors to others. For example, a manipulator might accuse you of being controlling when they’re the ones trying to control you. Once you notice this behavior in action, it becomes glaringly obvious what they’re up to.
12. Being Overly Critical
Another blame-shifting tactic manipulators use is taking issue with literally everything you say and do. They might constantly criticize your actions or decisions, making you feel somehow inadequate and question your competence. They speak from a place of superiority, as if they know best when they obviously don’t.
13. Using Sarcasm or Mocking
Manipulators love to be sarcastic or make fun of you in order to belittle your feelings or concerns. This tactic can make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or standing up for yourself (or at least that’s what they hope).
14. Using Fear Tactics
Manipulators do whatever they can to instill fear in people in order to control them and make them responsible for the manipulator’s wrongdoings. They might imply or outright state that disagreeing with them or not doing what they want will lead to dire consequences, making you feel guilty and afraid.
15. Making You Feel Obligated
Manipulators often create a sense of obligation in their victims. They might remind you of past favors or good deeds to make you feel guilty and obligated to agree with them or overlook their behavior. Don’t let them get away with it!
