Ever feel like your friends are treating you like a Fabergé egg? If you’ve noticed people around you choosing their words more carefully than a politician during a debate, you might just be the “oversensitive” friend in your circle. Here are some signs everyone’s a little nervous to be completely honest with you.
1. You can find the hidden meaning in just about anything
If you find yourself thinking, “When they said ‘nice weather we’re having,’ what they really meant was…” more often than not, you might be overanalyzing just a tad. We get it, you’re trying to protect yourself by anticipating problems before they happen. But sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes, a comment about the weather is just small talk. Try to take things at face value more often.
2. You apologize…too much
You apologize for everything from the weather to the state of the global economy. This often stems from a deep-seated fear of disapproval or a belief that you’re somehow always at fault. It makes sense—you’re preemptively smack down any potential upset. But save your apologies for when you’ve actually done something wrong. It’s okay to express empathy without taking on blame. Instead of “Sorry it’s raining,” try “That’s a bummer about the rain.”
3. You soak up everyone’s emotions
Do you absorb the emotions around you like a Bounty paper towel sops up grape juice? Sounds like you’re an empath. You’re taking on so much of other people’s emotions that you can’t tell where theirs end and yours begin. So, while it’s great to be in tune with others, remember to wring out your emotional sponge regularly. Set aside time to check in with your own feelings, and practice grounding techniques to keep you anchored in your own emotional reality.
4. You make small things big things
If you find yourself crafting elaborate narratives about how your friend’s choice of pizza topping is actually a subtle critique of your life choices, you’re reading too much into things. What’s going on here: Sure, you’re trying to protect yourself by anticipating problems, but you’re creating new ones in the process. Try applying Hanlon’s razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity (or in this case, simple thoughtlessness or coincidence). Sometimes, pineapple on pizza is just a questionable culinary choice.
5. You’re easily triggered
If you’re constantly reliving old wounds in new situations, you might be bringing baggage to current relationships. Unresolved past experiences can color our perception of present events, causing us to react to old hurts rather than current realities. Moving forward? Work on processing and healing from past experiences. Therapy can be incredibly helpful for this. Try to approach each situation with fresh eyes, asking yourself, “Is this about now, or am I reacting to something from my past?”
6. Your emotional state swings
One minute you’re laughing at a joke, the next you’re on the verge of tears because someone mentioned their grandmother’s cat, and it reminded you of your long-lost teddy bear. You’re clearly very in tune with your emotions, which is great! But when your mood swings are unpredictable, it can be exhausting for those around you. Pro tip: Try to develop some emotional stability techniques. Mindfulness, deep breathing, or even just counting to ten before reacting can help you ride the waves of your feelings without drowning your friends in the process.
7. Sarcasm goes right over your head
If every joke needs a “just kidding” disclaimer, an explanation, and possibly a written apology to avoid hurt feelings, you might be taking things too literally. You might have a tendency to assume the worst in people’s intentions, or you might struggle to separate the literal meaning of words from their intended tone. Remember: Sometimes a joke is just a joke. It’s not a personal attack on your entire being, your family, or your future descendants.
8. You love to enforce the silent treatment
When something upsets you, do you retreat into your emotional castle, pull up the drawbridge, and leave your friends shouting into the moat? If your pals feel like they need a really good megaphone to reach you when you’re upset, you might be overdoing the whole “suffering in silence” thing. Instead of going radio silent, try using your words. Even something as simple as “I’m feeling upset and need some time to process” can work wonders.
9. Constructive criticism is a personal affront
If receiving feedback makes you feel like you’re a contestant on a reality show called “Roast My Entire Existence,” you might be a tad oversensitive. You might have a tendency to tie your self-worth very closely to your actions or choices. This can make any criticism, no matter how constructive, feel like a judgment on your value as a person. Remind yourself that feedback is about your actions, not your worth as a human being.
10. You subsist on reassurance
If you’re constantly seeking validation for every decision, from your choice of morning muffin to your career path, you might be putting a lot of pressure on your friends. This often stems from low self-esteem or a fear of making mistakes. A healthier approach: Work on building your self-trust muscle. Start with small decisions and resist the urge to seek approval. Celebrate your choices, even the ones that don’t work out!
11. You take everything as a rejection
Interpreting a delayed text response as a sign that your friendship is over, or a busy friend’s “not tonight” as “I never want to see you again, “is jumping to conclusions. You’re trying to protect yourself by spotting rejection before it happens. But, try giving people the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best intentions unless you have clear evidence otherwise.
12. Your moods are contagious
Does your mood dictate the emotional climate for everyone around you? You likely have a strong personality and deep emotions. This can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be overwhelming for others if not managed. Work on emotional regulation techniques. It’s okay to feel things deeply, but try to be mindful of how your mood affects others. Think of yourself as the emotional DJ—you can set the tone, but make sure you’re not blasting your feelings at full volume all the time.
13. You’ve dubbed yourself the “tone police”
You say things like “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” What’s really going on? You’re likely highly attuned to subtle changes in communication, which is a great skill! However, you might be overinterpreting these cues or projecting your own emotions onto others’ words. Remember that tone can be subjective and influenced by many factors (like someone’s day, their stress level, or even their caffeine intake). Before reacting to the perceived tone, try asking for clarification: “That sounded a bit sharp to me. Did I do something to upset you, or am I misreading things?”
14. You’re stuck in your comfort zone
If the mere suggestion of trying something new sends you into a tailspin of “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you might be letting your sensitivity limit your experiences. This sensitivity makes you acutely aware of potential risks or discomforts, which can be overwhelming. Try reframing new experiences as adventures rather than threats, but start small—maybe try a new flavor of ice cream before skydiving.
15. You overthink every conversation
Do you spend more time analyzing a conversation than the actual length of the chat itself? This often comes from a desire for perfection in social interactions, coupled with a fear of judgment. Your sensitivity makes you hyper-aware of every nuance, real or imagined. Try setting a time limit for post-interaction analysis. Give yourself five minutes to reflect, then consciously move on.
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