We all prioritize ourselves from time to time, it’s natural. But when does healthy self-care cross the line into selfishness? It’s a tricky balance, and sometimes, it’s hard to see our own behavior clearly. If you’ve been wondering if you might be a bit too focused on yourself, here are some red flags to consider.
1. You rarely ask about other people’s lives.
It’s easy to get caught up in our own worlds, but true connection happens when we show genuine interest in other people’s lives. If your conversations mostly revolve around you, your experiences, and your needs, it might be a sign that you’re not making enough space for the people around you. Ask questions, listen actively, and show empathy to create deeper connections.
2. Your apologies are more about making you feel better.
A sincere apology acknowledges the hurt you caused and takes responsibility for your actions, Harvard Health explains. If your apologies feel more like a way to alleviate your own guilt rather than repairing the relationship, it might be a sign that you’re prioritizing your comfort over other people’s feelings. Take time to reflect on the impact of your actions and apologize with genuine remorse.
3. You get upset when things don’t go your way.
Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and things don’t always go according to plan. If you have a hard time accepting setbacks or react with anger and frustration when things don’t go your way, it might be a sign that you have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. Remember that everyone faces challenges, and flexibility is key to navigating life’s ups and downs.
4. You struggle to celebrate other people’s successes.
A true friend is genuinely happy for other people’s achievements. If you find yourself feeling envious, resentful, or dismissive of other people’s successes, it might be a sign that you’re overly focused on your own accomplishments. Take a moment to recognize and appreciate other people’s hard work and talents, and celebrate their wins alongside them.
5. You’re always talking about yourself.
We all enjoy sharing our stories and experiences, but if you find that you’re constantly dominating conversations and talking about yourself without giving other people a chance to speak, it might be a sign that you’re not being a good listener. Make an effort to ask questions, engage in meaningful dialogue, and let people have their time in the spotlight.
6. You rarely offer help or support.
A strong relationship involves mutual support and a willingness to lend a helping hand. If you find that you’re always on the receiving end of support but rarely offer it in return, it might be a sign that you’re taking advantage of other people. Look for ways to reciprocate kindness and offer support to the people you care about.
7. You have a hard time compromising.
Compromise is essential in any healthy relationship. If you find that you’re always insisting on getting your way and are unwilling to bend or negotiate, it might be a sign that you’re not considering anyone else’s needs or preferences. Be open to different perspectives and find solutions that work for everyone involved.
8. You’re quick to take credit, but slow to take blame.
When things go well, it’s easy to take credit and bask in the glory. But when things go wrong, it’s important to take responsibility for your mistakes and learn from them. If you find that you’re quick to claim praise but slow to acknowledge your shortcomings, it might be a sign that you’re not being accountable for your actions.
9. You have trouble saying “no.”
Setting healthy boundaries is an important part of self-care and maintaining healthy relationships. If you find it difficult to say “no” to requests, even when you’re feeling overwhelmed or overextended, it might be a sign that you’re prioritizing other people’s needs at the expense of your own well-being. Learn to assert your boundaries and prioritize your own needs without feeling guilty.
10. You expect other people to always be there for you, but you’re not always there for them.
Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s important to be there for your friends just as much as you expect them to be there for you. If you find that you’re quick to call on your friends for support but rarely reciprocate, it might be a sign that you’re taking their friendship for granted. Make an effort to be a reliable and supportive friend, even when it’s inconvenient or challenging.
11. You’re always the one making the plans.
Healthy friendships involve a balance of give and take. If you find that you’re always the one initiating plans, suggesting activities, and putting in the effort to maintain the friendship, it might be a sign that the relationship is one-sided. Encourage your friends to take the initiative sometimes and be open to their suggestions and ideas.
12. You have a hard time admitting when you’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay to admit when you’re wrong. If you find that you’re always defending your actions, justifying your behavior, or refusing to acknowledge when you’ve made a mistake, it might be a sign that your ego is getting in the way of healthy communication and growth. Learn to take responsibility for your errors and apologize sincerely when you’ve hurt someone.
13. You don’t respect other people’s time.
Time is a valuable resource, and it’s important to respect other people’s time. If you’re always running late, canceling plans at the last minute, or expecting people to drop everything to accommodate your schedule, it might be a sign that you’re not valuing their time as much as your own. Make an effort to be punctual, reliable, and considerate of other people’s commitments.
14. You’re always trying to “win” arguments.
Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, The Gottman Institute notes, but it’s important to approach them with a willingness to listen and understand the other person’s perspective. If you find that you’re always trying to prove yourself right, one-up the other person, or dominate the conversation, it might be a sign that you’re more interested in winning than finding a solution or maintaining a healthy relationship.
15. You rarely express gratitude or appreciation.
Showing gratitude is a simple but powerful way to strengthen relationships and encourage positive feelings. If you find that you rarely express appreciation for the people in your life or take their kindness for granted, it might be a sign that you’re not recognizing the value they bring to your life. Make a conscious effort to say “thank you,” acknowledge other people’s efforts, and show your appreciation for the relationships you cherish.
