Something doesn’t get nearly enough airtime? The unique experience of growing up in a cult. While no two stories are exactly alike (I mean, cults are nothing if not creative in their approaches), there are some surprisingly common traits that pop up among survivors. If you’re someone who made it out, you might find yourself nodding along to these shared experiences. And if you know someone who grew up in a high-control group? This might help you understand why they sometimes do things that seem… well, let’s just say different.
1. They Question Everything (Sometimes to a Fault)
After spending years being force-fed “absolute truths” that turned out to be unreliable, these folks have turned into walking, talking fact-checkers. They’ll Google the most basic information and then double-check those results, because hey, who can really trust Google anyway? Making decisions becomes a sport, with even simple choices like picking a breakfast cereal turning into a deep dive into company ethics, ingredient sourcing, and whether the cartoon mascot might be sending subliminal messages. Their friends might find it exhausting, but for them, questioning everything feels safer than swallowing another lie. And while this skepticism can sometimes slow them down, it’s also given them a killer ability to spot manipulation from a mile away.
2. They’re Either Super Open or Totally Private About Their Past
When it comes to sharing their cult background, these people usually swing to one extreme or the other—there’s rarely a middle ground here. Some will tell you their whole life story before you’ve finished your first coffee together, using their experience as both therapy and a warning sign to others. Others are locked up a little tighter, treating their past like a classified document that’ll self-destruct if mentioned. This split happens because they’re still figuring out what’s safe to share in the “normal” world, where people’s reactions can range from fascinated to freaked out. Some have learned that sharing their story helps them reclaim their narrative, while others have had one too many people respond with “OMG, that’s just like that Netflix documentary!” for comfort.
3. They’re Information Sponges
Once they got out and realized just how much was kept from them, these folks turned into human vacuum cleaners for knowledge. They devour books, podcasts, and documentaries like they’re making up for lost time—which, let’s be honest, they are. Their browser history looks like a bizarre mix of “how to do basic adult things” and “advanced quantum physics,” because they’re trying to fill in all the gaps at once. They might know everything there is to know about ancient Mesopotamian culture but still be figuring out how credit scores work. Learning becomes almost an obsession because knowledge feels like freedom.
4. They Have a Weird Relationship with Holidays
Nothing says “former cult member” quite like having a mental breakdown in the holiday decorations aisle at Target. Either they go all out celebrating EVERYTHING (Flag Day? Time to party!), or they treat holidays like they’re allergic to joy. Some are making up for lost time by celebrating every holiday they missed, turning their house into a festive explosion that can probably be seen from space. Others get twitchy just walking past the greeting card section because holidays trigger memories of all the “worldly celebrations” they were told would lead to their doom. The concept of “just a normal holiday celebration” is about as foreign to them as the dark side of the moon.
5. They Have a Complicated Relationship With Authority
Ask a former cult member about their boss, and you might notice them either breaking out in hives or morphing into the world’s most enthusiastic employee—there’s rarely any in-between. Years of dealing with absolute authority figures who could make or break their world with a single word left them with some pretty interesting workplace dynamics. Some challenge every single rule like they’re auditioning for a rebellion, while others are so eager to please that they make brown-nosing look like casual indifference. They might struggle with setting healthy boundaries with higher-ups because in their experience, saying “no” to authority was about not welcome. And don’t even get them started on performance reviews—that’s basically their childhood trauma with a corporate makeover.
6. They’re Either Really Good With Money or Terrible at It
Here’s the thing about growing up in a cult—you either had all your money controlled (hello, mandatory donations!) or you never learned about it at all because the world was definitely ending next Tuesday. So these folks often end up as either extreme budgeters who track every penny like it’s being audited by the IRS, or they’re still trying to figure out why credit cards aren’t just magic plastic rectangles of free money. Some stockpile cash like they’re preparing for an apocalypse (which, to be fair, they kind of were), while others spend like there’s no tomorrow (because that’s literally what they were taught).
7. They Have Trust Issues That Could Fill a Book
When you grow up being told that everyone outside your group is basically a card-carrying member of the dark side, trust doesn’t exactly come naturally. These folks approach new relationships like they’re diffusing a bomb—one wrong move and everything could explode. They’ve got more walls than a medieval castle, and each one comes with its own moat full of emotional baggage. Making friends as an adult feels like navigating a minefield because they’re constantly wondering about hidden agendas. And don’t even get them started on dating—trying to figure out if someone is genuinely nice or just love-bombing them is their full-time job.
8. They’re Either Super Scheduled or Totally Freestyle
After growing up with every minute of their day mapped out (because idle hands are apparently Satan’s workshop), former cult members often have a very interesting relationship with schedules. Some plan their days with military precision, color-coding their calendars and setting alarms for everything including breathing. Others have gone full chaos mode, rejecting anything that even smells like a schedule and living completely spontaneously. Their Google Calendar is either a work of art that belongs in a museum or a completely empty wasteland with maybe one dentist appointment from 2019. The idea of finding a balance between structure and flexibility feels unachievable.
9. They Have an Almost Supernatural Ability to Read People
Years of having to gauge the emotional temperature of a room to avoid trouble turned these folks into human emotion detectors. They can spot a fake smile from across a crowded room and sense a mood shift faster than a weather vane in a tornado. This superpower comes from years of survival depending on their ability to read subtle cues and predict reactions. They’re basically emotional meteorologists, constantly forecasting other people’s feelings and adjusting their behavior accordingly. Sometimes this skill is exhausting because they can’t turn it off.
10. They’re Either Super Religious or Completely Done with It
When it comes to spirituality, former cult members usually pick a lane and stick to it like superglue. Some have found new faith communities that actually let them ask questions without threatening eternal damnation, and they’re all in with a healthy approach to spirituality. Others have gone full atheist, treating anything remotely spiritual like it’s radioactive waste that needs to be contained. There’s very little middle ground here because a casual relationship with religion isn’t really in their vocabulary. The mere mention of organized religion can either get them excited about their newfound healthy faith or make them panic.
11. They Have Intense Feelings About Community
Some throw themselves into every book club, volunteer organization, and neighborhood committee they can find, trying to recreate the sense of belonging they lost. Others prefer to live like hermits, perfectly content with their cat and their Netflix account for company. Making friends in the regular world feels like learning a new language without a dictionary—they’re never quite sure if they’re doing it right. Every invitation to a group activity comes with a side of internal panic about whether this is just another high-control situation in disguise.
12. They’re Hyper-Aware of Manipulation Tactics
Having graduated from the school of hard knocks when it comes to manipulation, these folks can spot a guilt trip from outer space. Sales pitches? MLM schemes? That one friend who always needs “just a tiny favor”? They’ve got radar for that stuff. After years of having their emotions twisted, they can smell manipulation coming before it even rounds the corner. They’re the first ones to notice when someone’s trying to use fear, obligation, or guilt to control others, and they’ll shut that down faster than a laptop with a dying battery. Sometimes this makes them seem paranoid, but hey, better safe than sorry when you’ve already done your time in manipulation prison.
13. They Have Strong Reactions to Uniforms
Nothing gets a former cult member’s heart racing quite like seeing a group of people in matching outfits. Whether it was actual uniforms or just strict dress codes, these folks have some serious baggage when it comes to controlled appearance. Some get nauseous at the mere sight of a polo shirt, while others have closets that look like a rainbow exploded because they’re making up for years of fashion suppression. They either obsess over what they wear, analyzing every outfit for possible cult-like conformity, or they’ve gone full fashion rebel, dressing in ways that would have given their former leaders a collective heart attack. Getting dressed in the morning isn’t just about picking clothes—it’s a daily act of rebellion or recovery.
14. They’re Extremely Sensitive to Group Dynamics
Put them in any group situation—from a work meeting to a book club—and they’re basically running a full CIA analysis of the social dynamics. They notice every power play, every subtle alliance, and every hint of groupthink with the precision of a social scientist on steroids. Years of navigating complex cult hierarchies have left them with PhD-level skills in spotting power structures and potential red flags. They can tell you who the real leader of a group is (spoiler: it’s not always the person in charge), who’s about to cause drama, and who’s quietly pulling strings behind the scenes. Every group activity feels like they’re both participating and conducting a detailed anthropological study.
15. They Have Complex Feelings About Family
Family relationships for former cult members aren’t exactly straightforward. Some still have family members in the cult who think they’re Satan’s bestie for leaving, while others are trying to rebuild relationships that were stretched thinner than dollar store plastic wrap. They might have siblings they haven’t spoken to in years or parents who still send them rescue pamphlets in the mail. Holiday gatherings, if they happen at all, have more tension than a suspense thriller. The concept of “normal family dynamics? Yeah right.
