Sometimes friendships can become too intense, too dependent, and frankly, too much. While close friendships are healthy, there’s a point where support turns into something more complicated. Here’s how to recognize when a friendship has crossed that line.
1. You’re Their Crisis Manager
Their problems instantly become your problems, no matter what you’re doing or what time it is. You’ve missed work, canceled plans, or stayed up all night talking them through the same issues repeatedly. You feel personally responsible every time they’re struggling, even when it’s completely out of your control. You’ve gotten texts at 3 AM and dropped everything to be there, even though you had an early meeting the next day. Your own stress levels directly depend on how they’re doing.
2. You Feel Guilty Setting Boundaries
You can’t say no without spending hours feeling terrible about it. When you try to take space for yourself, you end up apologizing profusely and overcompensating later. You’re constantly making up excuses for why you can’t do something instead of just saying no. You’ve agreed to lend money you couldn’t spare, stayed out when you needed sleep, or canceled other plans just to avoid their reaction. The idea of disappointing them feels almost unbearable.
3, You’ve Lost Yourself
You realize you don’t know what shows you actually like watching anymore—you just watch what they want. You used to have other hobbies and interests, but they’ve fallen away as this friendship has taken over. Your other relationships have suffered because this friend needs all your attention. You’ve started dressing differently, changing your opinions, and even adjusting your goals to match theirs. When someone asks what you like to do for fun, you can only list activities you do with them.
4. You’re Always Cautious Around Them
You’ve started watching every word you say because you never know what might upset them. Simple conversations feel stressful because you’re trying to avoid their triggers. You find yourself rehearsing basic conversations in your head before having them. You notice their mood shifts and immediately start trying to fix whatever might be wrong. Their emotional state controls the entire dynamic of your friendship.
5. You Can’t Stop Rescuing Them
You’ve let them crash on your couch multiple times when they’re fighting with their partner. You keep lending them money even though they never pay you back. You skip important events to deal with their latest crisis. You make excuses to others about their behavior, even when you know they’re in the wrong. Your own life is on hold because you’re too busy fixing theirs.
6. You’re Overly Invested
You think about their problems more than they do. You lose sleep worrying about their job interview or relationship issues. You spend hours strategizing solutions to their problems without them asking. You know more about their ex’s new relationship than you do about your own family. You feel personally devastated when things don’t work out for them.
7. You’ve Isolated Yourself
Your other friends have stopped inviting you places because you always cancel. You’ve missed family events because this friend needed you. You don’t make plans with others anymore because this friend might need you. You feel guilty when you spend time with other people. You’ve lost touch with people who used to be important to you.
8. You’re Their Constant Advisor
They won’t make any decisions without consulting you first. You’re cc’d on their emails, screenshots of their texts, and every detail of their life. They expect you to help them figure out everything from work drama to what to eat for lunch. You feel anxious when they make decisions without you. They blame you when things go wrong after they’ve taken your advice.
9. You Have No Personal Space
They show up at your house unannounced and expect you to be available. They text you constantly throughout the day and get upset if you don’t respond quickly. They know every detail of your life because they demand total transparency. They get jealous or hurt when you want time alone. Your personal boundaries don’t exist with them.
10. You’re Their Financial Safety Net
You’re constantly worried about their money situation even though it’s not your responsibility. They know your credit card number by heart because they’re always borrowing money for “emergencies.” You’ve started hiding your own financial successes because they immediately ask for loans. You’ve dipped into your savings more than once to help them out of their latest crisis. Your own financial goals are on hold because you can’t say no when they need money.
11. You Parent Them
You’re constantly checking if they’ve eaten or taken their medication. You remind them about basic adult tasks like paying bills or scheduling doctor appointments. You feel responsible when they forget important deadlines or miss meetings. You’re always packing extra supplies for them because they never come prepared. Their basic life management has become your daily task list.
12. You Share Their Identity
You’ve started using their favorite phrases and adopting their mannerisms without realizing it. Your social media posts look identical to theirs, sharing the same opinions and interests. You can’t remember the last time you formed an opinion without wondering what they’d think. You find yourself mimicking their reactions to situations rather than having your own authentic response. Your personality has become a mirror of theirs rather than your own unique self.
13. You’re Their Entertainment Director
You feel responsible for making sure they’re never bored or lonely. You’ve canceled your own plans because they didn’t have anything to do that day. Your weekends revolve around keeping them occupied and happy. You panic when you can’t be there to entertain them or keep them company. Their social life has become your full-time project while your own gathers dust.
14. You Make Everything Okay
You’re always smoothing things over between them and others. You find yourself explaining away their bad behavior to other friends. You’ve covered for them at work or with their family. You make excuses for them when they let people down. You feel responsible for fixing their mistakes.
15. You’ve Become Their Schedule Manager
You keep track of their appointments because they always forget. You’re the one who remembers their mom’s birthday and reminds them to call. You organize their social life and keep their relationships alive. You feel responsible when they miss important events or deadlines. You’re basically running their life while neglecting your own.
