Oh boy, narcissists. You know the type—they’re charming, charismatic, and always the center of attention. But what happens when things don’t go their way? When they’re not getting the constant praise and admiration they crave? Well, hold onto your hats, folks, because that’s when the real fireworks start. Narcissists have a whole arsenal of manipulative tactics they use to get what they want, and it ain’t pretty. So, let’s dive into the 15 ways narcissists act out when they don’t get their way.
1. They Throw Adult Tantrums
First up, we’ve got the classic adult tantrum. You know, like when a toddler doesn’t get the toy they want and they throw themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming? Yeah, narcissists do that too. Except, instead of throwing themselves on the floor, they might throw a plate across the room, punch a hole in the wall, or engage in some other form of property damage. Because apparently, destroying things is the adult thing to do. It’s like they never quite learned how to regulate their emotions like the rest of us. So when they don’t get their way, they lash out in the most dramatic, destructive way possible.
2. They Rage at You
Narcissistic rage is a terrifying thing to behold. When a narcissist feels like they’ve been wronged or disrespected, they can explode in a fit of anger that’s completely out of proportion to the situation. They’ll scream, yell, and hurl insults at you until you’re a quivering mess. They might even get physically aggressive, throwing things or getting in your face. It’s like all their pent-up anger and frustration comes boiling to the surface, and you’re the unfortunate target. The scariest part is that this rage can come out of nowhere, with no warning and no apparent trigger. Walking on eggshells doesn’t even begin to describe what it’s like to live with a narcissist who’s prone to these explosive outbursts.
3. They Belittle Your Accomplishments
No matter how hard you work or how much you achieve, it will never be good enough for a narcissist. They’ll always find a way to belittle your accomplishments or minimize your successes. If you get a promotion at work, they’ll say it’s because your boss felt sorry for you. If you run a marathon, they’ll point out how slow your time was. If you cook them a nice dinner, they’ll complain about how it’s not as good as their mother’s. It’s a way for them to keep you feeling small and dependent on their approval. They don’t want you to feel good about yourself or your abilities, because then you might realize you don’t need them.
4. They Make Empty Promises
Narcissists are great at making promises they have no intention of keeping. They’ll promise to change, to stop their hurtful behavior, to be more attentive to your needs. They’ll swear up and down that this time will be different, that they’ve seen the error of their ways. But their actions never seem to match their words. They’ll make a big show of making it up to you, only to slip back into their old patterns within a few days or weeks. It’s a way for them to keep you hooked, always hoping for the change that never comes. They know that as long as they can keep you believing in their false promises, they can keep you under their control.
5. They Stonewall You
Stonewalling is a tactic narcissists use when they don’t want to deal with you or your feelings. They’ll shut down, stop responding, and refuse to engage in any kind of productive conversation. They’ll give you the cold shoulder, the one-word answers, and the silent treatment. It’s a way for them to punish you for not going along with what they want, while also avoiding any kind of accountability for their own behavior. They’re basically saying, “I don’t care about your feelings or needs, and I’m not going to bother addressing them.” It’s a cruel, dismissive tactic that can leave you feeling ignored, invalidated, and powerless.
6. They Play the Victim
Ah, the “poor me” routine. Narcissists love to play the victim when things don’t go their way. Even if they’re the ones who caused the problem in the first place, they’ll find a way to twist the situation to make it seem like they’re the ones being wronged. They’ll cry, pout, and tell anyone who will listen about how unfair life is and how everyone is out to get them. They’re experts at making you feel like you’re the one who should be apologizing, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a classic tactic designed to make you question your own reality and feel sorry for them, all while they continue to manipulate and control the situation.
7. They Gaslight You
Let’s talk about how narcissists use this tactic to make you question your own sanity. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your own perceptions, memories, and reality. And narcissists are masters at it. They’ll tell you that something you clearly remember never happened, or that you’re overreacting to a situation that they caused. They’ll twist your words, deny things they said, and make you feel like you’re going crazy. It’s a way for them to maintain control over the narrative and keep you off-balance. If you’re constantly questioning your own thoughts and feelings, you’re less likely to stand up to their manipulation. It’s a toxic, insidious tactic that can do real damage to your mental health.
8. They Blame You for Everything
In the world of a narcissist, nothing is ever their fault. No matter what goes wrong, they’ll find a way to blame you (or someone else) for it. Did they get fired from their job? It’s because their boss was jealous of their talent. Did they forget to pick up the kids from school? It’s because you didn’t remind them. Did they cheat on you? It’s because you weren’t giving them enough attention. The narcissist’s ability to dodge accountability is truly impressive. They’ll twist themselves into pretzels to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. And the more you try to hold them accountable, the more they’ll turn the blame back on you. It’s a no-win situation.
9. They Use Your Insecurities Against You
Narcissists are incredibly perceptive when it comes to sniffing out people’s insecurities. And once they’ve found yours, they’ll use them against you like a weapon. If you’re self-conscious about your weight, they’ll make snide comments about your appearance. If you’re worried about your job performance, they’ll tell you you’re not good enough. If you have abandonment issues, they’ll threaten to leave you. It’s a way for them to keep you feeling small, dependent, and under their control. They’ll chip away at your self-esteem until you’re a shell of your former self, all while telling you that they’re the only one who really understands you. It’s a sick, twisted game that no one deserves to play.
10. They Withhold Affection
For a narcissist, love and affection are just tools to be used for manipulation. When you’re not giving them what they want, they’ll withdraw their affection like it’s a prize to be earned. They’ll stop saying “I love you,” refuse to hug or kiss you, and generally act like you don’t exist. It’s a way for them to punish you for not meeting their impossible standards. They know that most people crave love and connection, so they use it as a bargaining chip. “If you do what I want, I’ll love you again,” is the unspoken message. It’s a cruel, heartless tactic that can leave you feeling abandoned and unworthy.
11. They Gaslight Your Emotions
Narcissists are masters at invalidating other people’s emotions. If you’re upset about something they did, they’ll tell you you’re being too sensitive. If you’re angry at them for breaking a promise, they’ll say you’re overreacting. If you’re hurt by one of their cutting remarks, they’ll claim they were “just joking.” They’ll make you feel like your emotions are wrong, irrational, or even crazy. Over time, this emotional gaslighting can make you doubt your own feelings and instincts. You’ll start to wonder if maybe you are being too sensitive, even when your gut is telling you that something is seriously wrong. It’s a way for the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful actions and keep you under their emotional control.
12. They Compare You to Others
Narcissists love to play the comparison game, especially when they’re feeling insecure. They’ll compare you to their exes, to your friends, to random strangers on the street—anyone they think is doing better than you. They’ll point out all the ways in which you fall short, whether it’s your looks, your career, or your personality. It’s a way for them to make you feel inferior and keep you striving for their approval. They want you to believe that you’re lucky to have them, even as they’re tearing you down. It’s a twisted form of manipulation that can leave you feeling constantly inadequate and unworthy.
13. They Use Guilt Trips
If there’s one thing narcissists are good at, it’s laying on the guilt. They’ll make you feel guilty for having your own needs, for setting boundaries, or for not catering to their every whim. They’ll say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” or “I guess you just don’t care about me as much as I care about you.” They’ll make you feel like you’re a terrible person for not putting their needs above your own. It’s a way for them to control you through shame and obligation. They want you to believe that you owe them something, even when they’re the ones who have been taking from you all along.
14. They Twist the Truth
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and one of their favorite tactics is twisting the truth to suit their own agenda. They’ll take something you said or did and spin it in a way that makes you look bad and them look good. They’ll leave out important details, exaggerate minor ones, and sometimes even outright lie. It’s a way for them to control the narrative and make you doubt your own perceptions. If you try to call them out on their distortions, they’ll gaslight you and make you feel like you’re the one who’s being unreasonable. It’s a dizzyingly confusing tactic that can leave you questioning everything you thought you knew.
15. They Make Everything About Them
At the end of the day, everything always comes back to the narcissist. No matter what you’re going through, no matter how much you’re hurting, they’ll always find a way to make it about them. If you’re sick, they’ll complain about how much extra work they have to do to take care of you. If you’re grieving a loss, they’ll make it about how your sadness is inconveniencing them. If you’re celebrating a victory, they’ll find a way to steal the spotlight. It’s a way for them to keep themselves at the center of attention, even when the situation has nothing to do with them. They truly believe that the world revolves around them, and they’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
