Something that’s unfortunately common these days? Dealing with narcissists who try to make you question your own reality. Whether it’s a partner, family member, or coworker who thinks gaslighting is a leadership strategy, here are the phrases that’ll help you hold onto your sanity when someone’s trying to rewrite your reality.
1. “That’s not what happened, and we both know it.”
Simple, direct, and impossible to twist. This phrase plants your feet firmly in reality when someone’s trying to renovate your memories. No need to defend or explain—just state your truth and hold that line. When they try to tell you that they “never said that” about your presentation in front of the whole team, this is your go-to response.
2. “I don’t accept your version of events.”
More polished than “you’re lying” but just as firm. This phrase acknowledges that they have their own narrative while firmly rejecting it. It’s particularly effective in professional settings where calling someone a liar might get you called to HR, but letting dangerous misinformation slide isn’t an option. This response makes it clear that disagreement doesn’t require you to disprove their entire alternative reality.
3. “My feelings are valid, regardless of whether you understand them.”
Here’s the thing about feelings—they don’t need an approval committee to exist. This phrase shuts down any attempt to invalidate your emotional response to their behavior. When they try to tell you you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting,” this response helps you stand your ground without getting pulled into a debate about whether you’re allowed to feel what you feel.
4. “I trust my own memory and perception.”
Think of this as your personal declaration of independence from their reality-bending attempts. It’s a clear statement that you’re not interested in having your experiences redefined. No need to prove you’re right or argue about details—you’re simply affirming your trust in your own mind. This works especially well when they start that “you always get things wrong” routine.
5. “We can disagree, but you don’t get to rewrite my experience.”
This one sets a clear boundary while acknowledging that different perspectives can exist. It’s perfect for those situations where they’re trying to convince you that their intentions somehow change what actually happened. Use this when they insist “You took it the wrong way” after saying something clearly inappropriate.
6. “That sounds like gaslighting, and I’m not participating.”
Sometimes calling it exactly what it is stops them in their tracks. This phrase names the manipulation technique while simultaneously refusing to engage with it. It’s particularly effective with covert narcissists who prefer their manipulation to stay unnamed. When they try to convince you that “everyone agrees” with their version of events, this response cuts through the smoke and mirrors.
7. “My boundaries are not up for debate.”
Short, clear, and non-negotiable. This phrase works wonders when they’re trying to convince you that your boundaries are unreasonable or that you’re being difficult for having them. It’s especially powerful when delivered calmly and without justification. No need to explain why you need space, respect, or basic decency.
8. “I hear your opinion, but I’m going to trust myself on this.”
This phrase acknowledges that you’ve heard them while firmly maintaining your autonomy. It’s perfect for those situations where they’re pressuring you to doubt your own judgment. Use this when they’re insisting they know what’s best for you, despite all evidence to the contrary.
9. “No, I won’t pretend that didn’t happen to make you comfortable.”
Direct and unapologetic. This response is perfect for when they want to sweep their behavior under the rug or pretend a confrontation never happened. It maintains your grip on reality while refusing to participate in their selective memory game. Use this when they try to rush past their actions without acknowledgment or accountability.
10. “My reaction is proportional to your behavior.”
This one flips the script when they try to make your response the issue rather than their behavior. It’s particularly effective when they’re trying to paint you as unreasonable for having a normal reaction to their inappropriate actions. This phrase keeps the focus where it belongs—on their behavior, not your response to it.
11. “I’m not confused about what happened—I was there.”
Clean, clear, and impossible to misinterpret. This phrase works well when they’re trying to convince you that you’ve misunderstood or misremembered a situation. It’s especially powerful when delivered with calm certainty. Use this when they start their “let me explain what really happened” routine about events you witnessed firsthand.
12. “That may be how you see it, but that’s not what happened.”
This response acknowledges their perspective while firmly maintaining your own reality. It’s diplomatic enough for professional settings but strong enough to hold your ground. Perfect for situations where maintaining a relationship is necessary but surrendering your truth isn’t an option.
13. “I’m not going to argue about reality.”
Short and powerful. This phrase sets a clear boundary around engaging in debates about established facts. It’s particularly useful when they’re trying to drag you into circular arguments about basic reality. Use this when they’re attempting to exhaust you into agreement.
14. “My experience is not up for revision.”
This phrase firmly establishes that your experiences are your own and not subject to their editing. It’s especially effective when they’re trying to convince you that you remember things wrong or that your perspective isn’t valid. Use this when they’re attempting to rewrite history to suit their narrative.
15. “We both know what really happened, and I’m not pretending otherwise.”
This response calls out the elephant in the room—that they know they’re lying. It’s particularly effective with narcissists who rely on others playing along with their version of events. Use this when they’re counting on your politeness to let their lies stand unchallenged.
16. “That’s an interesting rewrite of events, but I’m sticking with what actually happened.”
A touch of subtle sarcasm wrapped in a firm boundary. This phrase acknowledges their attempt to change the narrative while firmly rejecting it. It’s especially useful when dealing with someone who’s trying to gaslight you in front of others.
17. “I don’t need you to agree with my reality for it to be true.”
This powerful statement declares your independence from their validation. It’s perfect for those moments when they’re trying to make you doubt yourself because they disagree. Use this when they’re attempting to make their agreement a prerequisite for your truth.
