Some decisions seem like good ideas after three margaritas but then come back to haunt you. We don’t want that for you. Here’s your guide to avoiding life choices that stick around longer than student loan debt.
1. Marrying Someone You Think You Can Fix
Ah yes, the “fixer-upper” spouse—like buying a haunted house and thinking your positive energy will make the ghosts move out. That drinking problem? They’ll quit when they’re ready. Those anger issues? They’ll mellow with age. That emotional unavailability? They’ll open up eventually. Spoiler alert: you’re not Bob Vila, and humans aren’t renovation projects. The only thing that’ll get fixed is your position as their permanent therapist/parent/bail bondsperson.
2. Letting Your Parents Pick Your Career
Nothing says “lifelong resentment” quite like spending 40 years in a profession your parents chose. Sure, becoming a doctor/lawyer/accountant made them proud, but now you’re having an existential crisis every Sunday night while scrolling through Instagram photos of people who actually like their jobs. Your parents’ dream job is their dream, not yours—unless your dream is to bore yourself to death while making good money.
3. Letting Your Friend Move In “Just For A Few Months”
Congratulations, you’ve just turned your home into a semi-permanent hostel for someone who thinks rent is an optional concept and “getting back on their feet” is more of a decade-long journey than a quick sprint. Your couch has now become their permanent residence, and somehow you’re the bad guy for wanting to watch TV in your own living room after 9 PM. Nothing ruins a friendship faster than realizing your bestie’s financial plan is you.
4. Getting a Tattoo of Someone’s Name Who Isn’t Dead
Nothing says “I make poor life choices” quite like having to explain why you have “Jessica Forever” on your bicep to your wife Sarah. Love may be eternal, but relationships have a shorter shelf life than milk. Unless they’ve passed away or pushed you out of their body, their name doesn’t belong on yours. That coverup is going to cost more than your dignity.
5. Quitting Your Job Before Having Another One
Oh, you really showed them by storming out dramatically after Janet from accounting made that passive-aggressive comment about your spreadsheets. Now you’re eating humble pie with a side of maxed-out credit cards while explaining to potential employers why you left your last job in a blaze of glory. Your bank account doesn’t care about your main character moment.
6. Ignoring Your Health in Your 20s and 30s
Sure, treat your body like it’s an indestructible trash compactor now. Your future self will love explaining to their doctor why they thought sleep was optional, vegetables were for rabbits, and stretching was something only yoga people did. That “I’ll get healthy later” plan hits different when “later” arrives with a side of chronic back pain and a metabolism slower than DMV service.
7. Staying in a Toxic Relationship Because of the Time Invested
This is the old “but I’ve already spent X years with them” logic. That’s like continuing to eat a sandwich after finding mold because you’ve already taken three bites. Here’s the truth: Time invested is not a good reason to keep investing more time—that’s just relationship Stockholm syndrome with extra steps.
8. Lending Money to Family Without a Contract
Nothing spices up Thanksgiving quite like trying to make eye contact with your cousin who still owes you three grand from his “sure-thing” cryptocurrency investment. Family loans are like playing Russian roulette with your relationships, except all chambers are loaded with awkward holiday dinners and passive-aggressive Facebook comments. Blood might be thicker than water, but it’s not thicker than unpaid debt.
9. Ghosting Your Way Out of Professional Relationships
Sure, disappearing from that job like you’re in witness protection seems easier than giving proper notice. But the professional world is smaller than your dating pool, and karma has a LinkedIn profile. That bridge you burned might be the one you needed to cross for your dream job, and “sorry I ghosted you” doesn’t look great on a cover letter.
10. Having Kids to Save a Marriage
Nothing fixes a broken relationship quite like adding a tiny human who needs constant attention and will definitely notice that mommy and daddy communicate exclusively through passive-aggressive Post-it notes. Using a baby as relationship superglue is like using a Band-Aid to fix a broken windshield. Now you’ve just got more passengers on your sinking ship.
11. Starting a Business with Friends
Want to destroy a friendship? Mix it with money and unwritten expectations. One minute you’re best friends with a great business idea, the next you’re arguing about equity splits and who was supposed to handle the Instagram account. Nothing ends friendships faster than discovering your bestie’s work ethic doesn’t match their brunch enthusiasm.
12. Oversharing on Social Media
Your social media isn’t a reality show, and those “honest” posts about your workplace drama aren’t as private as you think. Future employers don’t need to know about your tequila-fueled existential crisis or your detailed thoughts about your boss’s management style. The internet remembers everything, even after you’ve forgotten.
12. Neglecting Your Mental Health Because You’re “Too Busy”
Treating therapy like it’s a luxury spa day instead of basic maintenance is like ignoring your check engine light because the car still drives. Your mental health doesn’t care about your deadline or your “grind mindset.” That breakdown you’re too busy for will eventually schedule itself, and its timing won’t be convenient.
13. Being Too Proud to Apologize
Pride might feel good in the moment, but it makes a terrible life companion. That apology you’re choking on isn’t getting easier to swallow with time. Relationships have expiration dates on conflict resolution, and “I was wrong” gets harder to say the longer you wait. Your ego isn’t paying rent for all the space it’s taking up in your happiness.
