Relationships are hard. Like, really hard. And sometimes we’re the ones making them harder without even realizing it. You know what I’m talking about—those little (or big) hang-ups that keep us from being our best selves in relationships. Let’s dive into the stuff nobody likes to talk about but everyone needs to hear.
1. You Build a Big Wall
Oh, you know this one well, don’t you? It’s that invisible force field you’ve built around your heart that’s supposedly keeping you “safe.” Sure, you let people get close… but not too close. You’ve got a VIP section in your heart that nobody gets access to—not even that amazing person who’s been consistently showing up for you. While you’re busy protecting yourself from getting hurt, you’re also blocking out all the good stuff. Tricky.
2. You Let Past Relationships Haunt You
We’ve all got that ex (or two, or three) who did a number on us. Now you’re walking around with scars you never asked for, and you’re treating your current partner like they’re automatically going to pull the same stunts. But, hey, aren’t you forgetting something? This is a different story, which means it’s going to have a different ending. Your current person isn’t your ex, so maybe it’s time to stop making them pay for someone else’s mistakes.
3. You Try to Be Too Perfect
Let me guess—you’re killing yourself trying to be the “perfect” partner, right? Running yourself ragged keeping a Pinterest-worthy home, trying to look like you just stepped out of a magazine, and basically trying to be superhuman. Meanwhile, your partner’s probably just wishing you’d sit down, chill out, and watch Netflix with them in your comfy pants. The irony? In trying to be perfect, we often miss being present.
4. You’re an Independent Woman
You’re proud of being self-sufficient (as you should be!), but sometimes you take it to the extreme. Accepting help feels like the worst thing in the world, and letting someone take care of you? That’s unspeakable. But relationships are a partnership, and you can’t do it solo. It’s what we like to call interdependence…look it up.
5. You’re a Bit of a Control Freak
Everything in your life has its place, its schedule, and its system. And then this person comes along and has the audacity to do things… differently?! Gasp, the nerve! You know logically there’s more than one way to fold a fitted sheet, but emotionally? It’s your way or the highway. This need for control isn’t just about the linens—it’s about feeling safe in an unpredictable world.
6. You’re Freeze Up When It Comes to Communication
When things get tough, you get silent. Some people see it as you giving the silent treatment, others think you’re just “processing,” or maybe you’re avoiding conflict like it’s a zombie apocalypse. Either way, you’re telling yourself you’re keeping the peace, but guess what? That “keeping the peace” actually creates more tension, which is what you were trying to stay away from in the first place.
7. You Keep Score
You’ve got a mental notepad of every nice thing you’ve done and every time your partner has dropped the ball. You’re not trying to be petty, but what can you do? You just can’t help it when they don’t close the shower curtain…AGAIN (think of the mold!). The problem here is that love isn’t about tit for tat.
8. You Freak Out About the Future
Commitment doesn’t scare you…except when it does. You want a future with your person, but thinking too far ahead sends you into an existential crisis. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does? What if you’re missing out on something else? What if your kids are weird? What if they suddenly get abducted by aliens? Your brain’s running more scenarios than a football coach.
9. You’re a Self-Saboteur
Things are going great, which obviously means something terrible is about to happen, right? Right?!?? So it only makes sense that you beat disaster to the punch and create some drama now. It’s like having a beautiful garden and pulling up the flowers to make sure they don’t die eventually. Make it make sense!
10. You Expect Your Partner to Know It All
You expect your partner to read your mind, decode your mood, and somehow know exactly what you need without you having to say it. When they fail at this impossible task, you’re disappointed. It’s like giving someone a test in a language they don’t speak and getting mad when they fail. And it’s not very nice.
11. You’re A Product of Your Past
You’re holding onto old family patterns and childhood wounds like they’re designer handbags you can’t let go of. Maybe you grew up seeing toxic relationships, or maybe you learned early that love equals drama. Breaking these patterns feels impossible, but you know what else? Carrying them is just as exhausting.
12. You’re the Queen of Comparison
Thanks to social media, you’ve got front-row seats to everyone else’s “Best of.” Your friend’s partner just planned another epic surprise date, while yours forgot to take out the trash. Your cousin’s baby just starred in a diaper commercial while yours just stares a lot. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s best takes, and your relationship is suffering for it.
13. You Hold Tight to Your Identity
You’re so afraid of losing yourself in a relationship that you barely let it change you at all. Growth? Evolution? Pshh, not on your watch! You’re holding onto who you are so tightly and look—we get it. You’re amazing and you don’t want that to go away. But if you can’t leave room for an ounce of growth, you might be missing who you could become together.
14. You Avoid Vulnerability
Sharing feelings? Ick. Needing someone? Double ick. You’d rather walk barefoot on Legos than admit you’re feeling insecure or scared. You’ve convinced yourself that being tough equals being strong, but really, you’re just building a really exhausting one-woman show.
15. You Have An All-or-Nothing Mindset
In your world, relationships are either perfect or they’re failing. There’s no middle ground, no room for reconciliation, no space for the messy reality of actual human connection. You’re looking for a fairy tale and—hate to break it to ya—that doesn’t exist. Sure, there are magical moments but there are mundane ones, too.
