Let’s chat about something that could save you a lot of heartache (and potentially worse) down the road. We’re diving into those subtle and not-so-subtle signs that a guy might have unhealthy attitudes toward women. This isn’t about man-bashing —it’s about recognizing concerning patterns early so you can make informed decisions about your safety and relationships.
1. He Claims That All His Exes Are Crazy
If someone’s dating history sounds like a collection of “crazy” ex stories where they’re always the innocent victim, your alarm bells should be ringing. Sure, nobody has a perfect track record of dating exclusively unstable people. But when he describes all their former partners as “psycho,” “irrational,” or “crazy,” what he’s really telling you is he takes zero responsibility for his role in relationships and likely dismisses women’s emotional responses to his behavior as insanity. Bonus red flag points if he starts these stories with “Women always…” or “Women are just…”
2. He’s Selectively Respectful
Pay close attention to how he treats women in different positions of power or status. Does he respect female CEOs but talk down to waitresses? Is he polite to women he finds attractive but dismisses those he doesn’t? Real respect is a basic approach to all human interaction. Watch how he treats female service workers, elderly women, women he’s not attracted to, and women who disagree with him. If his respect is conditional, it’s not actually respect.
3. He Has Strong Opinions…Lots of Them
This one can be sneaky because it often masquerades as concern or care. Watch for someone who has lots of opinions about women’s choices—what they wear, where they go, who they hang out with, how they behave. It might start subtle: “Are you really going out dressed like that?” or “I just think women look classier when…” But it usually escalates to more direct attempts to control behavior: “You don’t need to work with other guys,” or “A real woman wouldn’t…” The common thread? He believes he should have a say in women’s personal choices.
4. He Has Insane Double Standards
He’ll say it’s fine for guys to have multiple partners but judge women for the same thing. He’ll expect women to be understanding of his busy schedule but get suspicious when women are busy. He’ll praise his male friend for being “ambitious” while calling a career-focused woman “selfish.” Watch for these double standards—they’re usually wrapped in pseudo-biological or cultural justifications that boil down to “because that’s just how it is.”
5. He’s Always “Just Joking”
This guy loves making demeaning comments about women but always has his defense ready: “It’s just a joke!” or “Why are you so sensitive?” He’ll share sexist memes, make degrading comments, or tell offensive jokes, then act like you’re the problem if you don’t laugh along. Pay attention to how he reacts when called out, too—does he try to understand why something might be offensive, or does he double down and make you the problem for being “too sensitive”?
6. He Minimizes Womens’ Successes
Watch how he reacts to women’s achievements. Does he immediately try to explain why it wasn’t that impressive? Does he suggest she probably got help, or it was easier for her because she’s a woman? These dudes have a special talent for turning any female accomplishment into something less impressive. “She only got promoted because they needed diversity” or “Well, she had advantages” are their go-to responses. They might even praise women’s achievements in a way that actually diminishes them: “Wow, you’re really strong… for a girl.”
7. He Weaponizes Her Emotions
This is a tricky one because it’s subtle at first. He uses women’s emotions against them—either by dismissing them entirely (“You’re being too emotional”) or by using them as proof of women’s irrationality. He might deliberately provoke emotional responses and then use those responses as evidence that women are “unstable” or “crazy.” Watch for a guy who seems to enjoy making women emotional and then uses those emotions to discredit them.
8. He Questions Consent
How he talks about and handles consent matters—a lot. Does he mock the idea of explicit consent? Make jokes about “gray areas”? Suggest that some women are “asking for it” based on how they dress or behave? Pay attention to how he responds to stories about harassment or assault—does he immediately start questioning the victim’s behavior or suggesting they’re lying for attention? These attitudes about consent and autonomy are huge red flags that often indicate deeper issues.
9. He’s a Selective Listener
Notice how he engages in conversations with women versus men. Does he maintain eye contact and engage thoughtfully with men but check his phone or look around the room when women speak? Does he interrupt women more often? Does he explain things to women that they already know (hello, mansplaining) but listen respectfully to men, even when they’re wrong? Yikes. Girl, run.
10. He Claims to Have “Traditional Values”
While there’s nothing wrong with genuinely traditional relationships between consenting adults, watch out for dudes who use “traditional values” as a smokescreen for control. He might say he’s “old-fashioned” but what he means is he expects women to be submissive and serviceable while he holds all the power. He often has very specific ideas about what women “should” be doing with their lives, usually involving a lot of service to men and limited personal autonomy.
11. He Has a Suspicious Friend Group
You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep and how that company talks about women when they think it’s “just the guys.” If his friend group regularly degrades women, shares inappropriate photos without consent, or treats women like conquests rather than people, pay attention. Even if he’s not actively participating, his willingness to stay silent and maintain these friendships speaks volumes about who he really is.
12. He Undermines Women Any Chance He Gets
Watch how he interacts with women in professional settings. Does he automatically assume male colleagues are more competent? Does he struggle to take direction from female supervisors? Does he attribute women’s professional success to factors other than competence (“She must be sleeping with the boss” or “They just needed to hire a woman”)? These attitudes often reveal deeply held beliefs about women’s capabilities and “proper place” in society.
13. He Doesn’t Take Women’s Safety Seriously
When women talk about safety concerns, does he mock her for being cautious about walking alone at night? Does he dismiss concerns about drink safety at bars? Roll their eyes at women who are careful about meeting strangers? Someone who shows contempt for women’s safety concerns is showing you they don’t understand (or care about) the very real challenges and dangers women face.
