We all have that friend who never misses a deadline, always remembers birthdays, and probably spends their weekends volunteering at animal shelters. But what if beneath that squeaky-clean exterior lurks a dark side? Here are 15 signs that your “perfect” friend might have some hidden traits akin to Egar Allan Poe.
1. They have a suspiciously extensive true crime knowledge
Your friend can recite serial killer facts like they’re listing ingredients in a recipe. At first, you thought it was just a passing interest, maybe sparked by one too many Netflix documentaries. But then you noticed how their eyes light up when discussing the intricacies of unsolved cases. They don’t just know the big names like Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer; they can rattle off obscure cases that even seasoned detectives might struggle to remember.
2. Their sarcasm game is surprisingly strong
You first noticed it at a dinner party when they elegantly deflected a rude comment from another guest with a quip so subtle yet so cutting that it took the room a full minute to realize what had happened. The offending party was left sputtering while your friend calmly sipped their tea, a mischievous glint in their eye. Since then, you’ve been paying closer attention. Their sarcasm is always perfectly timed, razor-sharp, and delivered with such innocence that the victim often doesn’t realize they’ve been skewered until much later.
3. You’re both impressed and a little terrified
Who knew that behind those kind eyes and gentle smile lurked the soul of a stand-up comedian whose only material centered around dark humor? You’re starting to suspect that their daily affirmations might include “kill them with kindness… and if that doesn’t work, eviscerate them with sarcasm.”
4. They have a hidden tattoo
The discovery was purely accidental. During a yoga class, their shirt rode up just enough to reveal a flash of ink. Your straight-laced, cardigan-wearing friend has a tattoo. And not just any tattoo—from the glimpse you caught, it looked intricate, possibly dark, and definitely not the butterfly or heart you might have expected if pressed to guess.
5. Their music playlist is all over the place
You always assumed your friend’s taste in music matched their outward personality—safe, mainstream, maybe with a little soft rock thrown in for excitement. But then they left their phone unlocked, and curiosity got the better of you. It starts innocently enough with some Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. But keep scrolling, and suddenly you’re in a whirlwind of death metal, underground rap, and experimental jazz.
6. They’re a little too good at poker
Game night used to be casual and fun. That is until your goody-two-shoes friend revealed a hidden talent for poker that would make Las Vegas nervous. They claimed they only knew the basics and asked you to explain the rules. Three hours later, they had systematically dismantled everyone’s chip stacks with the precision of a savant. What’s most disconcerting is how much they seem to enjoy it.
7. Their jokes sometimes take a dark turn
Most of the time, they’re the ones cracking dad jokes and puns that make everyone groan good-naturedly. But every now and then, usually when you least expect it, they’ll drop a dark joke. You’ll be having a pleasant conversation about gardening, and suddenly they’ll casually remark, “Did you know that some of the most beautiful flowers grow best in graveyards? I guess there’s an upside to everything.” Before you can process the morbid turn, they’re back to discussing the best fertilizer for petunias.
8. They’re amazing at predicting plot twists
At first, you thought your friend was just really good at picking up on foreshadowing. But as time went on, their ability to predict twists in movies, TV shows, and even real-life drama became downright eerie. They’ll casually say things like, “Oh, I bet that random background character is actually the killer,” or “Watch, those two who hate each other will end up married.” And lo and behold, two hours later, the credits roll, and they’re right. Every. Single. Time.
9. Their perfectionism has a competitive edge
Your friend has always been an overachiever, but you didn’t realize the full extent of their perfectionism until you saw them in action. They don’t just strive for excellence; they’re out for blood. Take the office bake sale, for instance. While everyone else was grabbing a box of cake mix, your friend was importing vanilla beans from Madagascar, studying the chemical reactions of leavening agents, and adjusting their recipe for the specific humidity levels of the day. One thing’s for sure—you’re never partnering against them in any competition ever again. Your ego can only take so much bruising.
10. They have a hidden talent for lock-picking
The revelation of this particular skill came on an ordinary day when you locked yourself out of your apartment. In a panic, you called your goody-two-shoes friend, expecting them to suggest calling a locksmith. Instead, they showed up with a mysterious small pouch and, with surprising speed and skill, had your door open in minutes. As you stood there, mouth agape, they casually mentioned that it was “just a simple pin and tumbler lock” as if that explained everything. When you asked where they learned such a skill, they mumbled something about a “misspent youth” before quickly changing the subject.
11. Their smile sometimes doesn’t quite reach their eyes
Your friend is known for their perpetual cheerfulness. But lately, you’ve started to notice something… off. They’ll be laughing and joking, the life of the party as usual, but if you look closely, you’ll catch a glimpse of something else in their eyes. Like when they’re being praised for their volunteer work, and for a split second, their eyes look almost… empty. Or when they’re comforting a friend, saying all the right things, but their gaze seems distant, almost calculating. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about your perpetually positive friend.
12. They have an extensive knowledge of poisons
You thought your friend’s interest in botany was charming at first. But then you noticed a pattern: they seem to have a fascination with the deadly ones. During a nature walk, they casually pointed out a beautiful flower, adding, “Did you know that ingesting any part of that plant can cause cardiac arrest within hours?” Before you could process that morbid tidbit, they were already moving on to discuss the lovely foliage ahead.
13. Their revenge is always perfectly orchestrated
Your friend has a reputation for being forgiving and turning the other cheek. But you’ve been sensing that karma always seems to hit the offender…and hard. Like the time a coworker took credit for their idea. Two weeks later, that same coworker was transferred to the Antarctic branch after enthusiastically volunteering for what they thought was the “Austrian” office. What’s most unnerving is how your friend reacts to these events. They express perfect surprise and sympathy, but you swear you can see they’re secretly satisfied.
14. Their “perfect” relationship seems a bit…scripted
Your friend’s relationship has always been the gold standard—they never fight, always seem to be on the same page, and their social media is a constant stream of #CoupleGoals. But lately, you’ve started making a series of small observations that don’t quite add up. They always know the right thing to say about their partner, but you’ve noticed they never share any real details. Ask about their weekend together, and you get a perfectly crafted response that could have come straight from a rom-com script. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re watching a performance rather than a real relationship.
15. They’re fascinated by the macabre
On the surface, your friend is all sunshine and rainbows. Their home is a pastel paradise, they volunteer at the local animal shelter, and they probably bake cookies for their neighbors just because. But you’ve started to notice darker interests. It began when you spotted a book on medieval torture devices casually displayed on their coffee table. When you asked about it, they launched into a detailed explanation of thumb screws with an enthusiasm usually reserved for discussing cute puppies. You’re not sure what to make of this fascination with the dark side. Is it just an academic interest in the more gruesome aspects of history and human nature?
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