Breakups are rarely clean-cut, and the aftermath can be a confusing time for both people. While some people genuinely move on, others might just be putting on a show. If you’re wondering whether your ex has truly moved on or is just faking it, here are some subtle signs to watch out for.
1. They’re overly active on social media
If your ex suddenly becomes a social media influencer overnight, posting constantly about their amazing life, it might be a sign. Genuine healing and moving on often involve less digital noise, not more. This uptick in online activity could be an attempt to show you (and everyone else) how great their life is without you. However, true happiness rarely needs that much public validation.
2. They keep “accidentally” contacting you
Those “oops, wrong number” texts or “didn’t mean to like your post” moments might not be as accidental as they seem. If your ex frequently finds reasons to initiate contact, only to play it off as a mistake, they might be struggling to let go. These “accidents” serve as a way to stay connected without admitting they still want to talk to you. It’s a subtle way of keeping the lines of communication open.
3. They’re dating someone who’s eerily similar to you
If your ex’s new partner bears a striking resemblance to you—whether in looks, personality, or interests—it could be a sign they’re not over you. This phenomenon, often called “rebounding,” involves seeking out familiar traits in new partners as a way to cope with loss. While it’s possible they just have a “type,” dating a carbon copy of you suggests they’re trying to recreate what they lost rather than truly moving on.
4. They make a point of telling you how happy they are
When someone is genuinely happy and has moved on, they don’t usually feel the need to announce it, especially to their ex. If your ex goes out of their way to tell you how great their life is now, it might be a case of “the lady doth protest too much.” This behavior often stems from a desire to make you believe they’re doing fine, even if they’re struggling internally.
5. They hang on to connections with your friends and family
While it’s normal to remain cordial with mutual friends post-breakup, an ex who goes out of their way to stay closely connected to your friends and family might be holding on. This allows them to stay indirectly connected to your life and potentially gather information about you. It can also be a way of ensuring they remain a part of your world, even if indirectly.
6. They reminisce about your relationship in group settings
An ex who frequently brings up memories of your relationship in group settings might be struggling to let go. While occasional reminiscing is normal, constantly rehashing the past in public can be a way of keeping your relationship alive in the minds of others. It’s also a subtle way of reminding you of the good times you shared, possibly hoping to evoke similar feelings in you.
7. They’re hot and cold in their behavior towards you
If your ex’s attitude towards you swings between extremely friendly and completely cold, it could indicate inner conflict. This inconsistent behavior might reflect their struggle between wanting to move on and still having feelings for you. One day they might act like your best friend, the next like a complete stranger. This emotional yo-yoing is often a sign that they haven’t fully processed the breakup.
8. They try to make you jealous
An ex who goes out of their way to make you jealous—by flirting with others in front of you or talking about their dating life—might not be as over you as they claim. This behavior is often a tactic to gauge your reaction and see if you still care. It’s a way of testing the waters without directly admitting they still have feelings.
9. They keep tabs on your dating life
If your ex seems unusually interested in your love life, asking mutual friends about who you’re seeing, or reacting strongly to news of you dating, it’s a clear sign they’re not over you. Someone who has truly moved on wouldn’t be so invested in your romantic endeavors. This behavior indicates they’re still emotionally invested in what’s happening in your life.
10. They haven’t returned your stuff (or taken theirs back)
Holding onto your possessions or leaving their things at your place can be a subconscious way of maintaining a connection. It creates a reason for future contact and keeps a piece of the relationship alive. An ex who has truly moved on would typically want a clean break, including a clear division of belongings.
11. They drunk dial or text you
Alcohol has a way of bringing out suppressed feelings. If your ex frequently contacts you when they’re under the influence, it’s often a sign that they’re struggling with unresolved emotions. These late-night calls or texts reveal feelings they’re trying to hide when sober. While they might apologize or backtrack the next day, the fact that you’re on their mind in vulnerable moments is telling.
12. They try to recreate significant moments from your relationship
An ex who suggests going to “your” old restaurant or revisiting places that were special to your relationship might be trying to relive the past. This behavior indicates a longing for the feelings associated with those memories. Someone who has genuinely moved on would typically avoid these nostalgic trips down memory lane, especially with you.
13. They compare everyone to you
If you hear through the grapevine that your ex frequently compares new partners or potential dates to you, it’s a clear sign you’re still their benchmark. This behavior indicates that they haven’t let go of the idea of you as their ideal partner. It’s unfair to new relationships and shows they’re viewing their love life through the lens of your past together.
14. They’re overly supportive during tough times
While support from an ex can be genuine, an overwhelming amount of support, especially during difficult times, can be a way of trying to reassert their importance in your life. If they rush to be your shoulder to cry on or your primary support system, it might be because they miss the intimate role they once played in your life.
15. They try to show you they’ve changed
If your ex suddenly starts addressing all the issues you had with them during the relationship, it might not be just personal growth. While self-improvement is commendable, if these changes seem targeted at your specific complaints and they make sure you know about them, it could be an attempt to show you they can be the partner you want.
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