We’ve all been around someone who says something that rubs you the wrong way, and suddenly you’re irritated, like really irritated. But what if I told you there are ways to keep your cool, even when others seem determined to push your buttons? Well, here are some practical tips that’ll help you develop a thick skin.
1. Adhering to the “not my circus, not my monkeys” rule
Remember that not everything is your problem to solve. When someone’s trying to drag you into their drama, take a step back and remind yourself: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” It’s a funny little phrase that can help you mentally separate yourself from situations that aren’t your responsibility.
2. Practice the 10-second rule
When someone says something that gets your blood boiling, give yourself 10 seconds before you respond. Count to 10 in your head, take a deep breath, and then decide if and how you want to reply. It’s amazing how much perspective you can gain in just 10 seconds!
3. Ask yourself, “What’s their story?”
Instead of getting annoyed, get curious. When someone’s being difficult, play a little game with yourself. Try to imagine what might be going on in their life to make them act this way. Maybe they’re having a tough day, or maybe they’re dealing with something you can’t see. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it can help you feel less personally affected by it.
4. Laugh it off
Sometimes, the best defense is just to chuckle. Try to find something amusing about the situation. Can you turn it into a funny story later? Humor can be a great way to diffuse tension and keep things in perspective. And laughing is just fun, ya know?
5. Think about what you could learn
Rather than get frustrated, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this person or situation?” Maybe it’s a lesson in patience, or maybe it’s an insight into a different perspective. Viewing challenging interactions as learning opportunities can help you stay curious instead of furious.
6. Figure out how much energy you’re willing to spend
Think of your emotional energy like a budget. Do you really want to spend it on this person or situation? Often, when you consciously choose where to allocate your energy, you’ll find it’s not worth spending on minor annoyances.
7. Look towards the future
Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?” or “What would Future Me think about this?” Often, things that seem huge in the moment shrink when we look at them from a future perspective. This can help you avoid overreacting to the little things that just don’t matter. We are floating on a rock through space, after all!
8. Change the soundtrack…literally
If someone’s negative words are playing on repeat in your head, it’s time to change the soundtrack. Put on some music that pumps you up, listen to a funny podcast, or recite an empowering mantra. Don’t let their voice be the loudest one in your mental playlist.
9. Put yourself first
Remember the airline safety instructions? Put your own oxygen mask on first. In life, this means taking care of your own emotional well-being before trying to handle others’ issues. When you’re centered and calm, other people’s drama is less likely to affect you.
10. Distract yourself
When you feel yourself getting worked up, give yourself a quick distraction. Count the blue objects in the room, do a quick breathing exercise, or think of 5 things you’re grateful for. This mental shift can help break the cycle of irritation.
11. Check in with yourself
Often, when people lash out, it’s more about them than it is about you. Do a quick “Is it about me?” check. A lot of the time, you’ll realize their behavior says more about their own issues than anything to do with you.
12. Say something
It’s okay to let people know when they’ve crossed a line. Practice phrases like, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “I’d prefer if you didn’t speak to me that way.” Clear boundaries can prevent a lot of under-the-skin creepage.
13. Give them a compliment
Here’s a wild idea—when someone’s being negative or critical, throw them a compliment. Find something genuine to give them praise for. It can disarm them, shift the energy of the interaction, and help you stay positive.
14. Use the power of visualization
Imagine your emotions like a thermostat. When you feel yourself heating up with anger or frustration, consciously decide to turn the temperature down. Visualize yourself adjusting an internal dial, bringing your emotional temperature back to a comfortable level.
15. Do a reset
Our physical state affects our emotional state. If you’re feeling bothered, change your physical position. Stand up if you’re sitting, or vice versa. Stretch, shake it out, or go for a quick walk. A physical reset can lead to an emotional reset.
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