We all know that person – the one who’s always got an excuse, blames everyone else, and never seems to think they’re in the wrong. Dealing with them is seriously exhausting. Here’s how to cope:
1. Recognize that you can’t change them.
As Psychology Today notes, it’s impossible to change someone else — they have to do the work themselves. The first step is accepting that no amount of arguing, pleading, or evidence-presenting will magically make this person accountable. Focus on what you can control – your own response.
2. Don’t get dragged into their drama.
They probably thrive on defensiveness and arguments, but that doesn’t mean you have to be part of it. Refuse to play their game! Remain calm, state the facts without getting emotional, and disengage if necessary. Don’t let them fluster you into losing your cool.
3. Set clear boundaries and consequences.
If their behavior directly affects you, communicate your limits. Example: “If you continue to blame your lateness on traffic, I’ll start leaving for events without you.” Stick to your guns on consequences – it shows you’re serious. As PsychCentral explains, boundaries are something you set to protect yourself. Never feel bad about that.
4. Don’t take their excuses personally.
It’s easy to feel invalidated when someone always shifts the blame. Remember, their lack of responsibility is about them, not you. Don’t let it shake your confidence in your own judgment.
5. Focus on solutions, not placing blame.
If possible, try to steer the conversation away from who’s at fault and towards fixing the problem at hand. This works best if the outcome is important to both of you.
6. Don’t expect an apology (because you probably won’t get one).
Waiting for this person to sincerely apologize might be an exercise in futility. Let go of the need for validation from them and focus on moving forward despite their behavior.
7. Prioritize your own mental health first.
Dealing with someone perpetually stuck in victim mode is draining. Recognize when you’ve reached your limit and disengage. You don’t have to constantly be the bigger person.
8. Surround yourself with emotionally mature people who make you feel good.
The contrast will be stark! Positive and supportive relationships remind you that taking responsibility is normal, and help balance out the frustration of dealing with that one difficult person.
9. Don’t feel obligated to enable their behavior.
Sometimes, the best consequence is letting them experience the natural fallout of their actions. Refusing to bail them out of messes they created might be the wake-up call they need (though don’t count on it!).
10. Walk away if you need to.
Sometimes, the best way to deal with someone who won’t budge is to disengage entirely. You don’t have to sit there and listen to their endless excuses or attempts to manipulate you. Give yourself permission to take a break and come back when you feel calmer.
11. Seek advice from a trusted friend, therapist, or someone you respect.
Getting an outside perspective can be incredibly helpful in dealing with difficult people. They might offer insight you hadn’t considered or help you manage your reactions more effectively. A listening ear to vent to also provides much-needed support!
12. Avoid gossiping about the person with others.
While tempting, venting about their frustrating behavior can easily become toxic gossip. Focus on privately processing your feelings with someone you trust instead of spreading negativity.
13. Learn to pick your battles wisely.
Does it really matter if they refuse to admit they ate the last cookie? Learn to let go of the small stuff and focus your energy on the issues that truly impact you. Arguing over every little thing is just a recipe for burnout.
14. Try to have empathy (but don’t make excuses for them).
Chronic blame-dodging often stems from deep insecurities. Understanding this doesn’t mean excusing their behavior, but it might help you feel less personally offended. Seeing them as a flawed human, not a monster, can make it easier to handle.
15. Don’t let them ruin your day.
Easier said than done, but try your best not to let their negativity infect your mood. Practice mindfulness, do something you enjoy, or engage with people who uplift you to counterbalance the frustration they bring.
16. Practice saying “no” with confidence.
If they constantly try to dump responsibilities on you or guilt you into doing things, learn to assert yourself. A simple “I’m not available” or “I’m not comfortable with that” sets firm boundaries. Don’t feel the need to over-explain yourself.
17. Focus on your personal growth while maintaining a safe distance.
Use this challenging situation as an opportunity to work on patience, emotional resilience, and boundary setting. You can’t control them, but you can control how you react. Think of it as your own personal bootcamp for handling difficult people gracefully!
18. Know when it’s time to cut ties for your own sake.
In some cases, the healthiest option is to limit contact or even walk away from the relationship entirely. If someone consistently disrespects you, refuses to change, and drains your energy, prioritize your own well-being.
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