Ever had a feeling that someone in your life might be a bit narcissistic? But not in the obvious, “Look at me, I’m the greatest” way. We’re talking about the sneaky, under-the-radar type of narcissism that’s harder to spot. If you have, we’re about to talk about the behaviors that show you may be dealing with a low-key narcissist.
1. They have an interesting way of “supporting” you
Their version of support often leaves you feeling worse. They’ll say they’re proud of your accomplishments, but there’s always a “but” attached. “Congratulations on your promotion! But you know that means more stress, right?” It’s like they’re giving you a supportive hug while simultaneously drowning you with everything that could go wrong.
2. Apologies are not in the repertoire
Saying “I’m sorry” seems to be physically painful for them. Instead of a straightforward apology, you’ll get deflection, justification, and sometimes even a bizarre twist where somehow you end up apologizing to them. They make their words into a gymnastics routine, all to avoid accountability.
3. They’ve nailed the subtle put-down
Their insults are so subtle, that you find yourself wondering if you’re just being overly sensitive. “Oh, you’re wearing that? Brave choice!” or “You’re so lucky your partner puts up with you!”According to Psychology Today, These backhanded compliments and veiled insults are their way of boosting themselves by subtly putting you down. Spoiler: it’s not good for your self-esteem.
4. They’re really bad at taking compliments
For someone who loves attention, they have an odd way of deflecting genuine compliments. It’s not because they’re humble, mind you. It’s because your compliment wasn’t big enough. “Oh, this old thing?” they say about the outfit they clearly spent hours choosing. They’re just fishing for bigger fish.
5. They have a way of making you feel small
They don’t outright insult you, but somehow, after interacting with them, you feel…less. Less smart, less accomplished, less..everything. It’s subtle, like death by a thousand paper cuts to your self-esteem. You leave conversations feeling vaguely bad about yourself, but you can’t quite put your finger on why.
6. They hear what they want to hear (and remember what they want to remember)
Funny how they can remember every little mistake you’ve made, but they conveniently forget their own slip-ups or the times you’ve helped them out. You could tell them your deepest secrets, and they’d forget but mention one tiny flaw of theirs, and suddenly they have the memory of an elephant.
7. They change drastically in different social situations
Watch them closely in different social groups—they have the ability to be whoever they think will be most liked or admired in any given situation. It’s impressive, really, until you realize you’re not sure which version (if any) is the real one.
8. They’re allergic to constructive criticism
Constructive feedback? In their world, that doesn’t exist. According to Healthline, any criticism, no matter how gently phrased or well-intentioned, is perceived as a personal attack. They’ll either get defensive, turn it back on you, or sulk. They just can’t hold onto anything that suggests they’re not as perfect as they believe.
9. They have a loose relationship with facts
Truth is… flexible in their world. They don’t outright lie (usually), but they have a way of bending facts to fit their narrative. If you call them out, they’ll have an explanation that sounds almost plausible. They’re the stars of their own reality show, and they get to be the writer, director, and lead actor.
10. They’re low-key about looking for attention
Unlike their more overt narcissistic cousins, they won’t directly demand attention. Instead, they have subtle ways of making sure the spotlight finds them. They might share vague posts on social media that make people worry (“Worst day ever… don’t want to talk about it”), or they’ll find ways to insert themselves into situations where they can play the hero.
11. They’re always moving the goalposts
Just when you think you’ve met their expectations or requirements, surprise! The goalposts have moved. This keeps you constantly off-balance and striving for their approval, which is exactly where they want you.
12. Everything is a competition to them
But they keep it chill. They don’t outright brag, but they always have a story that one-ups yours. Did you win a baking competition? Well, they once thought about entering one, which is basically the same thing. It’s like they’re playing a constant game of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better,” but with plausible deniability.
13. They’re the victims in every story
Somehow, no matter what happens, they always manage to cast themselves as the victim. Lost their job? The boss had it out for them. Relationship ended? Their ex was crazy. It’s never their fault, ever. They could trip over their own feet and find a way to blame it on society’s unrealistic expectations of walking.
14. They know just how to find your insecurities
It’s almost impressive how quickly they can hone in on your insecurities and casually poke at them. “Oh, you’re still struggling with that? I thought you’d have figured it out by now.” They seek out your self-doubt and strike with surgical precision.
