Navigating relationships with narcissists is like walking through a warzone. When faced with the possibility of being caught in a lie or confronted about their behavior, these manipulators will deploy an arsenal of excuses to deflect blame and maintain their façade of perfection. Let’s unmask ’em, shall we?
1. “You’re reading too much into it.”
This gaslighting tactic suggests that you’re overthinking or misinterpreting their actions. It’s a way of dismissing your concerns without actually addressing them, leaving you to question your own judgment and perceptions.
2. “I’m going through a lot right now.”
While everyone deals with challenges, narcissists often use their struggles as a blanket excuse for bad behavior. This plea for sympathy is designed to make you feel guilty for holding them accountable. You know what it is—manipulation masked as vulnerability.
3. “That’s just who I am.”
Cue: shrug. This excuse frames their negative behavior as an unchangeable personality trait. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility for their actions and refusing to grow or change. Remember, being “true to yourself” isn’t a valid reason to treat others like crap.
4. “You’re just jealous/insecure.”
Narcissists love to flip the script. If you confront them about inappropriate behavior, they might accuse you of being jealous or insecure. This not only deflects from their actions but also puts you on the defensive. Suddenly, you’re the one explaining yourself instead of addressing their behavior.
5. “I’m just telling it like it is.”
Narcissists often disguise their hurtful comments or actions as “honesty.” This excuse allows them to say whatever they want without considering others’ feelings. It’s a way of deflecting criticism by positioning themselves as truth-tellers but remember: there’s a big difference between honesty and cruelty.
6. “I did it for your own good.”
This excuse paints the narcissist as a benevolent figure, even when their actions are harmful. By claiming their intentions were pure, they try to make you feel guilty for questioning them. It’s manipulation dressed up as concern, and it’s about as genuine as a Birkin bag you buy on the street.
7. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This classic gaslighting technique is a narcissist’s go-to move. By shifting focus to your emotional response, they avoid addressing their own actions. It’s a double whammy: they dodge responsibility while making you question your own perceptions.
8. “I don’t remember that happening.”
Selective amnesia is a convenient tool for narcissists. According to Mindset Therapy, by claiming memory loss, they create doubt about the incident in question. It’s hard to hold someone accountable for something they “don’t remember,” right? This tactic can leave you feeling crazy, wondering if you imagined the whole thing. Spoiler alert: you didn’t.
9. “You made me do it.”
Narcissists are experts at avoiding responsibility, and what better way than to put it all on you? This excuse not only absolves them of guilt but also makes you feel responsible for their actions. It’s like blaming the speed limit sign for your speeding ticket—nonsensical, but they’ll try it anyway.
10. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This dismissive statement minimizes your feelings and concerns. It’s a way of avoiding accountability by suggesting that the problem lies in your perception rather than their actions.
11. “I didn’t mean to.”
While this might sound like an apology, it often isn’t. Narcissists use this excuse to avoid taking responsibility for the impact of their actions, regardless of their intentions. Remember, impact matters more than intent.
12. “You’re overreacting.”
By framing your reaction as excessive, they avoid addressing the root cause…their behavior. It’s gaslighting 101, making you doubt the validity of your own emotions and perceptions.
13. “I was just joking.”
When called out on hurtful comments, narcissists might claim it was all in jest. This excuse allows them to backpedal while making you seem humorless if you don’t accept their explanation. It’s a classic case of Schrödinger’s joke—both serious and a joke until they gauge your reaction.
14. “You’re twisting my words.”
This excuse is particularly frustrating because it accuses you of manipulation while they’re actively manipulating the situation. By claiming misinterpretation, they create doubt about what was actually said or done, making it harder for you to stand your ground.
15. “I’ve done so much for you.”
Narcissists love to keep a mental tally of their “good deeds” to use as get-out-of-jail-free cards. This excuse aims to induce guilt and obligation, making you feel ungrateful for questioning their actions. It’s important to remember that genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached, and according to Choosing Therapy, this may mean the person is what’s called a “vindictive narcissist.”
