It’s never easy to ask people for help, especially, according to Psychology Today, if you see it as a weakness. However, there are two important things to remember: people usually want to help you more than you realize according to Standford University and it’s impossible to handle everything on your own all the time. Although asking for help is tough, you can make it easier with these simple tips.
1. Explain why you’re asking them specifically.
It’s important to go to the right person who can help you instead of asking whoever’s around. This increases the chance that they can support you. So, if your bestie’s great at doing makeup, ask her to help you out before a date. Or, if she’s great at giving relationship advice, ask her to lend an ear. By focusing on the skills people have that can be useful to you, you’ll make it easier for them to want to help.
2. Mention why you’re asking.
Instead of just telling the other person that you need help with setting up your new phone or picking up your kids from school, explain to them why you need help. Maybe you’re sick, stressed, or too swamped with work and you can’t dedicate time to the task. Giving them a clear reason will encourage them to want to chip in to lighten your load.
3. Ask them if you can rant.
If you’ve got an emotional problem to deal with and you need to get it off your chest, you’ll naturally want to ask someone close to you for help instead of an acquaintance. So, in this case, you can be a bit more casual when making your request. Just ask if you can vent for a second! This way, you don’t end up trauma dumping without consent.
4. Ask for their ideas and suggestions.
Instead of asking someone to do something, which could be stressful, you can ask them for their ideas. For example, instead of saying, “I need your help figuring out why I’m not receiving emails,” you could say, “I know you’re good with tech stuff, so I wanted to ask if you know what the problem could be.” This makes asking easier while preventing the person from feeling put on the spot.
5. Put a time limit on the help.
If you need to talk to someone about something on your mind but don’t want to burden them, put a time limit on it. So, you could say, “I needed to talk to you about something and ask for your advice — do you have 10 minutes after work?” People are busy, so knowing that they won’t be stuck with you for hours will make it easier for them to help.
6. Be clear and direct about what you need.
One of the worst ways to approach asking for help is to waffle about what you need and make the request confusing. Practice your words beforehand. Make it clear and direct, and ensure your body language matches your confidence. Think in terms of, “I’m having X problem and need your help with X.” Keep it simple!
7. Avoid focusing too much on why you can’t do it.
While you want the other person to know you’re asking because you’re so stressed/confused, you don’t want to focus on that alone. Too much of this makes people feel like you’re trying to persuade them. Acknowledge their feelings while focusing on why they’re a good person to ask. For example, “I know we’re both stressed right now, but you seem to have a good handle on it, so could I ask you for your quick advice?”
8. Don’t put yourself down.
Asking for help is stressful and can make you feel insecure, but try to keep that under wraps. Don’t belittle yourself by saying, “I’m so stupid, I can’t get this right!” or “I can never understand this! I’m so dumb!” While you might say these things to lessen the burden on the other person, you’re giving them two tasks: they have to help you and boost your self-confidence!
9. Choose the right time and place.
When and where you ask the other person for help makes a difference. Shooting them a text when you know they’re driving to work or are busy at work might not give you the time you need with them. Whenever possible, ask for help in real life or at least over a video call. It makes it less likely for people to deny your request when they’re looking at you.
10. Show your gratitude.
It’s always a good move to thank the person — even if they haven’t given you a clear yes or no to your request. So, you could say, “Thank you so much for your time.” Show your appreciation so that they feel like you care about their feelings.
11. After making your case, let them speak.
Asking for help isn’t a one-way street. You make your request, then the other person gets a chance to speak. If you sense they can’t help you, don’t cut them off – that’s rude! Let them speak. They might not be able to help you but they could know someone who can, so listen to what they have to say.
12. Don’t make the request seem trivial.
While you might want to tell the person that what you’re asking them to do for you isn’t going to be a big task or take a lot of their time, don’t say something like, “It’s a small request.” This can backfire, making the request seem unimportant, which in turn can put them off because they might assume you don’t really need their help.
13. Don’t offer them future help.
You might think it’s fair and appealing to mention to the other person that you’ll help them with something in the future, but avoid this tactic. It comes across like you’re indebted to them, which can make them feel uncomfortable or pressured to think of something you can do for them.
14. Turn it into a negotiation.
The person might want to help but not in the way you’re asking, or they might have to tweak how much they can do. So, turn the request for help into a negotiation. Tell them you’d like to negotiate with them so they can meet you halfway. This ensures you can both feel good about the situation.
15. Ask them in private.
You should avoid asking someone for help when you’re around other people. You might think you can persuade them by having others hear your conversation, but this makes the situation uncomfortable and might cause the person to shut down your request before really listening to it.
