Being the “mature” friend in your group can often feel like a double-edged sword. Sure, it comes with some benefits, like how your friends look up to you. But it also comes with a lot of challenges, like how you’re always the fixer. Whether it’s always been this way or the role was put onto you, here are 20 harsh realities of being the “mature” friend.
1. You’re the parent of the group.
You’re basically a supermom/dad as far as your friends are concerned. You’re always prepared with the essentials—hand sanitizer, tissues, medicine, etc.—and your friends know they don’t have to worry about pretty much anything when you’re around. You genuinely care about them (maybe almost as much as their real parents do)—it’s a thankless job, but someone’s gotta do it.
2. You get easily embarrassed by your friends in public.
You love your friends, you really do. But sometimes, they can be so inappropriate! Whether that’s talking loudly in a quiet place or blatantly breaking the rules, you constantly find yourself apologizing to others on their behalf. And frankly? It’s exhausting. No wonder you feel like the parent of the group.
3. You wish your friends would “grow up.”
Even though you’re viewed as the parent, there are some lines you can’t cross. One of those is telling your friends to stop being so immature. You’re the same age as them, after all, so you can’t pull the grow-up card but you desperately wish you could. Seeing their reckless (and unattractive) behavior is hard for you to watch!
4. You tend to compromise more than your friends do.
You know that your friends will never go for the “museum and brunch” plans you’ve been dying to do. So, what does that mean? It means that you compromise. Because your idea of a good time differs so heavily from the rest of your group, you always end up doing what they want to do. Compromising is nice and keeps the peace but you also have to make sure that your needs are getting met, too.
5. You’re the planner.
Birthday dinners, New Year’s Eve, Friendsgiving—no matter the occasion, you’re planning it. That means you make all the reservations, go back and forth with everyone on dates, assign people which dishes to bring, and whatever else comes up. You don’t mind doing it, but it would be nice if you had some help. But you know if you don’t do it, no one will.
6. You feel like an outcast.
Your friends are partying and having a great time without a care in the world. You? You’re sitting in the corner thinking about life’s horrors: making rent, the upcoming election, tax season. It’s not that you can’t have fun, but it’s hard to enjoy yourself when everything seems so…bleak. It can get lonely when you feel your friends don’t think the same as you do.
7. You sometimes wonder if you’re too boring.
You’re always the one shushing your friends at the movie theatre or having a glass of water at the bar so you can monitor everyone who’s drinking. And to be honest? It makes you feel kind of boring. Not that you are, it’s just that when you’re in a room with the loud, inappropriate, crazy people that make up your crew, it makes you look and feel, well, kind of dull.
8. You don’t feel like you can go to your friends for advice.
You’re usually the one who’s the wise advice giver. But what happens when you need advice for a change? Sure, you could talk to your friends, but you worry that whatever they tell you will lead you to make the wrong decision. You love them so much, you really do, but you don’t quite trust their judgment and that doesn’t feel so great.
9. Your friends seem to be stuck in the past.
While they’re stuck in the past, you’re right in the present. You’ve noticed that lately, all your friends can talk about are nostalgic memories from years ago when you were all on the same path. You’re all for reminiscing on the good times, but it seems to be the only thing that your group can talk about. You want to continue growing, and, according to leadership coach Kathy Cabrino, it’s hard to do that when the people around you are still in the past.
10. You’re always the problem solver.
Let’s say you go on vacation with your friends and the flight gets cancelled. While your friends are sitting at the gate, sipping iced coffee and chatting about who knows what, you’re at the front desk trying to remedy the situation. You’re holding about 10 people’s passports making sure that everyone gets a seat on the new flight. This doesn’t just happen when you travel, it happens all the time and it’s tiring.
11. Sometimes you wonder what you have in common with them.
Your idea of a perfect night? Having all of your friends over at your house for a nice homemade dinner and then you spend the rest of the night drinking wine and playing games. Your friends’ ideas of a perfect night? Pregame at 10:30, Uber to the club, stay out ’til the wee hours of the morning, and then get tacos. Saying you’re on different wavelengths is putting it lightly.
12. You can come off shy.
The thing about being mature is that sometimes people will think you’re extremely straight-laced or reserved. We don’t blame them, when you’re being compared to the party animals who talk to anyone and make out with strangers, you’re bound to look a little introverted.
13. You make all of the decisions.
Where are you eating for dinner tonight? Your friends have no idea. That’s because you’re taking care of it. Whether it’s something small like dinner decisions or something bigger like finding the safest route home, you’re the head honcho. Sometimes you wonder if your friends would be able to make any decisions at all if you weren’t around.
14. Your sense of humor is different from your friends’.
Your friends are still laughing about the time your one friend had beer coming out of their nose. You’ll admit, it was funny but it sometimes seems like your friends are stuck in a time machine and that their sense of humor hasn’t evolved. You have to save the cleverness for your coworkers because in your friend group? Your time of humor falls on deaf ears.
15. You feel taken for granted.
You are so reliable and stable that your friends have started to see it as a given. They know that no matter how they treat you or how much they mess up, you’ll always be there to pick up the pieces. And the reality is, you will always pick up the pieces often without an acknowledgement or a thank you.
16. You’re afraid of losing your friends.
You often think about what would happen if you just stopped being a mature friend. Would your value cease to exist in the group? You feel pressure to stick with the role that you were given because these are your friends, after all, and you’ve worked hard to maintain the connections.
17. Your friends tell you to loosen up.
Sure, loosening up sounds great in theory. But in reality? How the heck are you expected to relax and have fun when you’re constantly worrying about everyone else’s safety and well-being? You know that it’s innocent—your friends just want you to have a good time! But they don’t think about what would happen if you did—they’d have no one to rely on.
18. You’re the peacekeeper.
When conflicts happen in the group, you don’t pick a side. Nope, you’re the mediator. That means that you often serve as the liaison between both parties, sending messages back and forth and trying to make everything copacetic. You feel like a kindergarten teacher and well, you don’t get paid enough to keep doing this.
19. You’ve been called a buzzkill.
When you speak up about making the responsible choice or express your concern about your friends doing something risky, that puts you in a position to be viewed as a party pooper. It’s difficult because at the same time, your friends are relying on you to keep them safe, and they also get frustrated when you try to intervene. You simply can’t win.
20. You have a hard time asking for help.
As we said, you’re used to being the one that others turn to for support. So, asking for help can feel uncomfortable or shameful. You’re constantly worried that if you can’t keep it together for everyone else, then the entire house will crumble. But here’s the thing: everyone needs help and it’s important that you get it when you need it. According to Direction Psychology, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
