Today, we’re diving into the “F” word: friendship. More specifically, we’re going to chat about those pivotal moments in life when you discover who your ride-or-die pals really are. This might get a little real—but don’t worry, we’ve got psychology to back us up!
1. When you’re having money troubles
When you’re down on your luck, suddenly can’t afford those fancy brunches, or need to crash on someone’s couch, you quickly learn who’s there for you beyond the dollar signs. True friends stick around even when the champagne turns to tap water. They might not be able to solve your issues, but they’ll be there with a sympathetic ear and maybe a home-cooked meal. On the flip side, if some friends mysteriously disappear faster than your savings, well…you’ve just had a crash course in fair-weather friends.
2. When you’re dealing with a health scare
Psychologists emphasize that health challenges often require long-term support, which can be draining for some. Your true friends are the ones who show up—not just for the initial “Oh no!” moment, but for the long haul. They’re bringing soup, offering rides to doctor’s appointments, or just sitting with you in comfortable silence. If someone ghosts you because your illness is “too much drama,” well, at least they made the friend purge easy for you.
3. When your career is in flux
Whether you’re skyrocketing to success or facing a surprise layoff, your career journey can be quite the friendship test. Psychologists point out that professional transitions often reveal who’s genuinely happy for your success and who’s secretly harboring envy. True friends celebrate your victories without feeling diminished by them. And if you’re facing a career setback? They’re the ones helping you polish your resume, not gossiping about your misfortune at happy hour. Remember, a real friend wants to see you succeed and if they don’t that’s a them issue, according to Vice.
4. When you’re going through a breakup
Psychologists note that breakups can be particularly revealing of true friendships, especially if your ex is part of the same friend group. Real friends don’t make you choose sides or punish you for splitting from their other buddy. They offer support, respect your feelings, and don’t serve up guilt trips with a side of “but you guys were perfect together!” Plus, they’re willing to eat ice cream and binge terrible TV with you for as long as it takes. Now that’s love.
5. When you’re undergoing a big life transition
Psychologists say major life changes—like moving to a new city, getting married, having a baby, or deciding to live in a van and travel the country—are prime times for friendship shake-ups. Why? Because they often involve shifts in lifestyle, priorities, and sometimes even values. True friends are the ones who schedule video chats with your time zone in mind, send care packages to your new address, or babysit your little one so you can remember what adult conversation feels like. If some friends fade away because you’re no longer convenient to their lifestyle, well, maybe it’s time for a friendship spring cleaning.
6. When you’ve evolved for the better
As you grow, evolve, and change as a person, you might find some friendships no longer fit quite right. Psychologists call this “personal growth incongruence” (fancy, right?). Maybe you’ve quit drinking, taken up meditation, or decided to pursue a passion that your old crew just doesn’t get. True friends are curious about your new interests, respect your choices, and cheer you on—even if they don’t want to join your 5 AM yoga sessions.
7. When you give them tough love
Ever been in a situation where you had to tell a friend something they really didn’t want to hear? Yeah, it’s not fun. That said, true friends can handle the truth, even when it’s not gift-wrapped in compliments. They appreciate your honesty, even if it stings at first. And, they’re able to reciprocate—calling you out when you need it, but with love. If a friend cuts you off because you dared to suggest that maybe, just maybe, their MLM scheme isn’t going to make them a millionaire…well, you might be better off without them.
8. When you take a social media hiatus
Psychologists say that a social media detox can show you who’s genuinely interested in staying in touch versus who’s just along for the likes and comments. True friends will make an effort to reach out through other means—you know, like actually calling or texting. If someone can’t maintain a friendship without the crutch of Facebook or Instagram, maybe it’s time to reconsider the depth of that connection.
9. When politics come into play
In today’s polarized world, differing political views can be a real friendship test. Psychologists point out that political disagreements often touch on core values, making them particularly challenging for relationships. True friends can respect your views even if they don’t agree with them. They’re able to have civil discussions, agree to disagree, and value your friendship over winning an argument. If someone cuts you off purely because of your political leanings, well, maybe they’re doing you a favor.
10. When you’re grieving
Losing a loved one is one of life’s most challenging experiences, and it’s also a time when true friends really shine. Psychologists emphasize that grief is a complex, long-term process that many people struggle to navigate. Your real friends are the ones who stick around long after the funeral, when the casseroles stop coming but the pain is still raw. They check in regularly, listen without trying to “fix” your grief, and aren’t afraid to mention your loved one’s name. If someone expects you to “get over it” on their timeline or disappears because your grief is “bringing them down,” they might not be the supportive friend you need.
11. When you go through something embarrassing
We’ve all had those mortifying moments we wish we could erase from existence. Whether it’s a public faux pas, a regrettable drunk text, or an epic fail that feels like the end of the world, these incidents can be quite revealing of true friendships. Psychologists note that how friends react to embarrassing moments can indicate their empathy and loyalty. True friends don’t mock you or spread gossip about your mishap. Instead, they offer comfort, help you find the humor in the situation when you’re ready, and maybe even share their own embarrassing stories to make you feel better. If someone’s quick to broadcast your shame for social currency, they’re not a friend.
12. When you make “unpopular” decisions
Sometimes in life, we make decisions that don’t align with societal expectations or norms. Maybe you’ve decided to quit a prestigious job to pursue your passion, end a relationship everyone thought was perfect, or make a lifestyle change that raises eyebrows. Psychologists say these moments can be particularly telling of true friendships. Genuine friends support your autonomy and right to make your own choices, even if they don’t fully understand or agree with them.
13. When you’re being vulnerable
Psychologists emphasize that moments of true vulnerability—sharing your fears, admitting your mistakes, revealing your insecurities—are prime opportunities to identify your real friends. True friends create a safe space for your vulnerability. They listen without judgment, offer support without trying to “fix” everything, and reciprocate by opening up themselves. If someone uses your vulnerabilities as ammunition later or gossips about your confessions, they’re not a friend.
14. When you set a boundary
Whether you’re saying no to extra work, limiting time with energy-draining relatives, or just carving out more me-time, according to the Center for Modern Therapy, setting boundaries can be a real friendship test. True friends understand and respect your limits, even if it means less time together or a change in your usual dynamic. They don’t guilt-trip you or accuse you of being selfish. If someone consistently pushes against your boundaries or makes you feel bad for having them, they might not have your best interests at heart.
15. When you’re struggling with your mental health
Opening up about mental health struggles—whether it’s depression, anxiety, or any other challenge—can be incredibly daunting. But it’s also a moment that can reveal the depth and quality of your friendships. True friends respond with empathy, not judgment. They educate themselves about what you’re going through, offer support without trying to be your therapist, and stick around even when things get tough. If someone dismisses your struggles, tells you to “just cheer up,” or distances themselves because your mental health issues are “too much drama,” they’re showing a lack of understanding
