Emotional maturity isn’t about age, and it’s definitely not exclusive to men. Anyone can struggle with these issues. But for today, we’re focusing on the guys. So, ladies (and gents looking for some self-reflection), here are some telltale habits of men who might need a little more time in the emotional oven, according to the people who study this stuff for a living.
1. They insist everything is “fine”
You know that guy who insists everything’s “fine” even when he’s clearly upset? Yep, that’s our first contestant. According to Psychology Today, psychologists call this “emotional suppression,” and it’s a classic sign of emotional immaturity. These guys have a hard time recognizing and expressing their feelings, often because they’ve been taught that “real men” don’t show emotion. The problem? You can’t solve an issue if you don’t admit it exists.
2. They don’t believe in personal growth
Here we have the guys who are allergic to personal growth. Suggestions of couples therapy are met with eye rolls. Books on emotional intelligence gather dust. These men often believe they’re “fine as they are” and it’s the world (or their partners) who need to change. Psychologists say this resistance to growth often comes from fear of change, discomfort with vulnerability, or sometimes just plain old stubbornness. But here’s the truth: if you’re not growing, you’re stagnating.
3. They can’t keep their jealousy in check
Jealousy is universal, but emotionally immature men often take it to the next level. They might check your phone, interrogate you about every male interaction, or try to control who you see. According to Psych Central, psychologists link excessive jealousy to insecurity and poor self-esteem. Instead of working on themselves, these guys try to manage their insecurities by controlling their partner. Spoiler alert: it never works.
4. They expect a lot from their partners
Here’s a fun one: the guy who expects you to be his everything—parent, therapist, maid, and partner all rolled into one. Psychologists call this “emotional fusion” or codependency. These men haven’t developed the emotional resources to self-soothe or manage their own lives, so they look for a partner to fill that role. It’s exhausting for the partner and stunts the man’s emotional growth.
5. They let their ego win
Some emotionally immature men will argue until they’re blue in the face, even when they know they’re wrong. Psychologists attribute this to fragile self-esteem and a rigid self-image. These guys equate being wrong with being worthless, so they defend their ego at all costs. The result? A partner who feels unheard and a relationship stunted by stubbornness.
6. They want everything to be perfect
They’re constantly critiquing, never satisfied, always pointing out areas for “improvement.” Psychologists link this to the projection of their own insecurities and a need for control. It’s like they’re trying to create the “perfect” partner instead of appreciating the real person in front of them.
7. They’re obsessed with instant gratification
Patience might be a virtue, but it’s not one these guys possess. They want what they want, and they want it now—whether it’s sex, attention, or a new gadget. Psychologists say this reflects poor impulse control and a lack of long-term thinking. In relationships, this can manifest as pushiness, sulking when needs aren’t immediately met, or even infidelity.
8. They make their emotions your problem
Why deal with your own emotions when you can make them someone else’s problem, right? Wrong! Some emotionally immature men treat their partners like emotional waste management facilities, dumping all their feelings for the partner to sort out. Psychologists call this “emotional dumping,” and it’s a sign of poor emotional regulation and lack of coping skills. It’s okay to lean on your partner, but they shouldn’t be your only emotional support system.
9. They run from any hint of conflict
Does your man disappear when conflict arises? Emotionally immature men might ghost you, change the subject, or even throw a tantrum to avoid addressing issues. Psychologists say this stems from a lack of emotional regulation skills and fear of vulnerability. The irony? Avoiding conflicts usually creates even bigger problems down the road.
10. They truly believe nothing is their responsibility
“It’s not my fault!” If you had a dollar for every time you heard this, you could probably retire, right? Emotionally immature men often blame others, circumstances, or even you for their mistakes. Psychologists link this to an external locus of control—essentially, feeling like life happens to you rather than taking charge of your own destiny.
11. They’re—shocker—scared to commit
They might keep things casual, avoid labels, or always have one foot out the door. Psychologists suggest this often stems from fear of vulnerability, loss of independence, or unresolved attachment issues. It’s like they’re playing emotional musical chairs, always afraid of being the one left standing when the music stops.
12. They keep a tally of deeds
“I did the dishes last time, so you have to do them now!” Sound familiar? Emotionally immature men often keep score of favors, chores, and even emotional support, always making sure they’re not giving “too much.” Psychologists say this transactional approach to relationships stems from a lack of true intimacy and fear of being taken advantage of.
13. They’re indirect about their frustrations
Instead of expressing needs or frustrations directly, emotionally immature men might resort to passive-aggressive behavior. Think sarcastic comments, the silent treatment, or “forgetting” to do things you’ve asked. Psychologists link this to poor communication skills and fear of confrontation. It’s like they’re speaking in code and expecting you to be a mind reader.
14. Their brains are in competition mode
For these guys, everything’s a competition—even dating. They might brag about past conquests, compare you to exes, or always try to “win” in the relationship. Psychologists say this often stems from insecurity and a need for external validation. The only competition should be you and your partner against the world.
15. They’re well-versed in the art of deflection
When faced with criticism or difficult conversations, these men could teach a masterclass in changing the subject. They might turn the tables (“But what about that time you…”), introduce irrelevant topics, or even start an argument about something else. Psychologists see this as a defense mechanism stemming from the inability to handle negative feedback and fear of inadequacy.
