When you’re a caring, empathetic person, it makes sense that you go out of your way to make sure the people you care about are being cared for as best as possible, even if that means putting them before yourself sometimes. However, if you’re continually prioritizing everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, there’s a serious problem. Whether or not you want to admit it, here’s how you know you’re neglecting yourself.
1. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Did Something Just for You.
If you’re struggling to recall the last time you did something just because you felt like it, that’s a wake-up call. It’s great to be selfless, but you matter too. Maybe you’re always the one making compromises, whether it’s picking a movie or choosing a restaurant. It’s like you’re an extra in your own life story, always there but never quite in focus. Remember, doing things for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s actually important so that you don’t lose your mind. So, go ahead, pick that movie you’ve been dying to watch, or treat yourself to your favorite meal. You deserve it.
2. You’re the Perpetual “Yes” Person and Feel Drained.
According to Psychology Today, always saying “yes” can be exhausting, and if that’s your go-to response, it’s time to rethink. Agreeing to every request or invitation might make you feel like you’re being helpful or avoiding conflict, but it can leave you feeling completely drained. It’s okay to say no sometimes without feeling guilty. Your time and energy are precious, and you’re not an endless resource. Learning to set boundaries is crucial, and trust me, people will still like you even if you turn them down now and then. If they don’t, you don’t really want them in your life anyway, do you?
3. Your Own Goals Are Gathering Dust These Days.
If your personal goals are sitting on the back burner while you’re busy helping everyone else chase theirs, that’s a sign. It’s great to support friends and family, but your aspirations deserve attention too. You might have put off that course you wanted to take or that hobby you wanted to start because you’re too busy with other people’s needs. Don’t let your dreams fade into the background. It’s time to prioritize them, even if it means rearranging your schedule or learning to delegate tasks. Your future self will thank you.
4. You Feel Resentful but Guilty About It.
Feeling resentful towards the people you’re always helping is a classic sign of self-neglect. But then, there’s this guilt because you think you shouldn’t feel that way. It’s a tricky emotional cocktail. It’s like you’re giving so much of yourself away, there’s not much left for you, and that’s not okay. Remember, it’s healthy to set limits on your time and energy. Helping others should not come at the cost of your own happiness. It’s all about finding that balance.
5. Your Social Battery Runs Out Faster Than Your Phone’s.
Ever notice how you’re always more tired than awake? That’s because you’re constantly available for everyone else. It’s great to be reliable, but being on-call 24/7 for friends, family, and even work can zap your energy. You end up feeling like a smartphone with too many apps open. It’s crucial to take some time to “recharge” yourself. Unplug for a bit, engage in activities that refill your energy, and remember, it’s okay to put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ sometimes.
6. You’re the Go-To Person for Problems, But Who’s Yours?
You’re like a dumping ground for everyone’s problems, and it’s all becoming a bit much. People flock to you with their issues, but when you have a rough day, you might find yourself looking around and wondering, “Who’s there for me?” It’s essential to have your own support network. Building relationships where you can also lean on others for support is vital. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes, even the strongest among us.
7. You’re More Familiar with Others’ Lives Than Your Own.
You know every little detail about your best friend’s love life or your sibling’s job drama, but what about your own life? If you’re more up-to-date on other people’s affairs than your own goals and needs, it’s time to refocus. It’s fantastic to be involved and caring, but don’t let your life become a secondary plotline. Start investing time in your own story – set personal goals, explore your interests, and give yourself the attention you deserve.
8. You Can’t Say No Without the Guilt Eating You Up Inside.
Ever feel like saying no is equivalent to committing a crime? That’s a sign you’re prioritizing others too much. It’s great to be helpful, but not to the point where you can’t refuse a request without feeling guilty. Remember, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a person with limits. Practice saying no without over-explaining or feeling guilty. Your time and well-being are important too.
9. You Feel Lost When You’re Not Helping Someone.
Feeling lost or without purpose when you’re not actively helping someone is a signal you’re neglecting yourself. It’s like you’ve tied your identity and worth to being useful to the people around you. While helping is admirable, your value is not solely based on what you do for other people. Take time to explore what makes you happy and fulfilled independently. You need to establish a sense of self outside of your role as a helper if you want to be happy.
10. You really can’t handle spontaneous plans.
If the idea of spontaneous plans makes you anxious because it might interfere with your ability to be there for people, it’s a red flag. Your schedule shouldn’t be so packed with doing things for others that there’s no room for impromptu fun. Life’s too short to not enjoy some spontaneous adventures. It’s okay to leave some slots in your calendar unplanned, just for yourself or for some unexpected fun.
11. You Rarely Speak Up About Your Preferences.
Always going with the flow to the point where your preferences are an afterthought? That’s you putting yourself last. Whether it’s always letting others pick the movie or going along with plans you’re not keen on, not voicing your preferences can leave you feeling invisible. It’s time to start speaking up about what you want. Your opinions and preferences matter just as much as everyone else’s.
12. You’re Known as the “Nice” One, But at What Cost?
Being known as the ‘nice’ one or the ‘helper’ feels good, but it comes at a cost. If this niceness is leaving you exhausted, unfulfilled, or overlooked, it’s not worth it. You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders to be a good person. Start prioritizing yourself a bit more. According to Psychology Today, being nice is a wonderful trait, but not when it leads to self-neglect. Remember, you can be kind to others and to yourself at the same time.
