We all like to think we’re great friends, but even the best of us can fall into habits that strain these bonds. Often, it’s not the big blowouts that end friendships, but the small, repeated missteps that gradually chip away at the connection. In this article, we’ll explore some common mistakes that can slowly (or sometimes quickly) destroy friendships
1. Keeping Score
Friendship isn’t a transaction, full stop. If you find yourself constantly tallying who paid for what dinner or who owes who a favor, you’re missing the point. Friendship is about mutual care and support—focus on giving without expectation of return, and trust that in a healthy friendship, things tend to balance out naturally over time.
2. Taking Them for Granted
It’s easy to assume your friends will always be there, but neglect is not the move. Don’t wait for special occasions to show appreciation. Regular check-ins, small gestures of thoughtfulness (like surprising them with their favorite latte), and making time for each other can keep the friendship alive and thriving. Remember, it’s the everyday moments that often mean the most.
3. Constant Negativity
Life has its challenges and friends are there to support each other. However, does every interaction you have with your friend become a complaint session? Yikes, you risk becoming an emotional drain. It’s okay to talk about the crap that’s bothering you, but try to balance venting with positivity. Share your joys and successes too, and actively engage in uplifting conversations. Your friends will appreciate a more rounded interaction.
4. One-Upmanship
Friendship isn’t a competition, okay? If your response to a friend’s news (good or bad) is to top it with your own story, that’s not great. Sounds like you need to practice active listening and genuine empathy. Try your best to celebrate their successes without comparison and offer support in their struggles without overshadowing their experience.
5. Gossiping About Them
Speaking negatively about a friend behind their back is a fast track to being enemies. If you have an issue, address it directly with them (you’re an adult, after all). If you need to vent, be cautious about who you talk to and how you frame the situation. Better yet, journal about your feelings to see what you want to do before deciding if a conversation is necessary.
6. Expecting Mind-Reading
Your friends can’t know what you need if you don’t communicate it. Don’t expect them to intuitively understand your thoughts or feelings (unless they’re psychic—that’s a different story). Practice clear, honest communication about your needs, expectations, and boundaries. You’ve got the roadmap to what you need, why don’t you give them the directions, yeah?
7. Neglecting to Evolve Together
People change over time, and healthy friendships adapt to these shifts. Stay curious about who your friend is becoming, and be open about your own growth. Regular check-ins about what’s really going on in both of your lives can help your friendship stay supportive through different life stages.
8. Overcommitting and Under-delivering
It’s better to say no upfront than to consistently cancel plans or fail to follow through on promises. Be realistic about what you can commit to, and if you do have to back out, tell your friend ASAP and offer to reschedule. Reliability builds trust, and that’s the foundation for all healthy friendships.
9. Dismissing Their Interests
You don’t have to share all the same hobbies, but showing interest in what matters to your friends is important. Ask questions, be open to trying new things, and respect their passions even if you don’t share them. This can not only lead to new experiences for you, but it also gives you the opportunity to understand your friend on a deeper level.
10. Overstepping in Their Personal Life
Sure, it’s natural to want to help but be cautious about offering unsolicited advice or interfering in super personal matters. Unless asked, or unless there’s a serious concern for their well-being, respect your friend’s autonomy in making their own decisions. Offer support without trying to control outcomes, they’ll figure it out—promise.
11. Failing to Apologize Sincerely
We all make mistakes, but how we handle them can make or break a friendship. When you’ve messed up, own it. Give a sincere apology without excuses, acknowledge the impact of your actions, and discuss how you’ll do better in the future. A heartfelt apology can go a long way.
12. Being a Fair-Weather Friend
True friendship means being there in good times and bad. If you only show up when things are easy or fun, you’re not being a real friend. Make an effort to be present during tough times, even if it’s just lending an ear or offering practical help. Your support during difficult moments is everything.
13. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Conflict is uncomfortable, but avoiding important discussions only leads to long-term discomfort. If something’s bothering you, approach the topic with honesty and kindness. Choose an appropriate time and place, use “I” statements to express your feelings (according to Verywell Mind, it helps minimize defensiveness), and be open to listening to their perspective too.
14. Excessive Criticism
Constructive feedback has its place in friendship, but constant criticism can really suck. Before pointing out a flaw or mistake, ask yourself if it’s truly necessary. If it is, approach the chat with kindness and focus on the behavior, not the person. Remember to balance critique with genuine compliments and appreciation, too!
15. Neglecting to Celebrate Their Successes
According to Psychology Today, jealousy can be a silent friendship killer. Make a conscious effort to genuinely celebrate your friends’ achievements, no matter how big or small. Your enthusiasm creates a supportive environment where both of you can thrive.
