If someone hurts you by being spiteful, like when they try to one-up you or spread gossip about you, it’s easy to want to retaliate. However, that just means you’re stooping to their level and becoming as nasty as them. Instead, it’s better to do one of these 15 things so you can keep your cool and rise above their behavior.
1. Don’t let it become personal.
Sure, the person’s attacking you, so it is personal. But that doesn’t mean you have to take it on or allow the person’s behavior to make you feel bad. Remind yourself that the chances that this person is only spiteful towards you are really low. This is their issue and they’re probably mean to tons of people.
2. Stay cool.
It’s easy to get frustrated or angry when a spiteful person is mean to you, butt that’s what they’re hoping to get — a big reaction they can laugh about later. Don’t give ’em the satisfaction! Stay calm and cool, which will also help you to respond appropriately without letting your emotions get in the way.
3. Try to figure out what’s causing the behavior.
There are many reasons why someone could be spiteful. Maybe they’re angry with you because they’re holding a grudge against you or they’re jealous and trying to bring you down with their bad energy. When you think about their actions, it can help you better understand where the person’s coming from so you can deal with it effectively.
4. Reach out to them.
It might feel awkward to confront the person, but it’s necessary so they can stop, especially if the person’s a friend you don’t want to lose. Ask them if you can talk to them, and set a time and quiet place for your discussion so you don’t have any distractions.
5. Ask them if something’s wrong.
Try to be empathetic for a sec by asking the person if something’s bothering them or if they have something they want to get off their chest. They might just need to do this really quickly so they can move past whatever issue they’re carrying around with them. Besides, according to Psychology Today, empathy is effective in conflict resolution.
6. Tell them how their behavior makes you feel.
Maybe they’re being spiteful and it’s not even about you, but rather that their bad attitude is spilling over onto you. Or, they’re directly harming you with their backstabbing or degrading remarks. Tell them how it makes you feel by saying something like, “I feel hurt and betrayed when you make offensive comments.”
7. Tell them that you want it to stop.
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Don’t stop at telling the person how their spiteful behavior makes you feel. Go one step further and explain that you won’t tolerate it if it continues. It’s time to outline some consequences they can expect if they don’t cut this behavior out! You could say that you won’t be able to be friends with them if they always put you down, for instance.
8. Reach out to other people.
If you spend a lot of time thinking about this person’s toxic behavior, it can mess with your head and confidence. Take your mind off them by reaching out to supportive, positive people in your social circle so you can get some feedback from them about the situation and feel like people have your back.
9. Prepare yourself for the person denying their spitefulness.
The person you’ve confronted about their spiteful behavior might not want to see that they’ve been treating you unfairly or been cruel to you. That’s fine. It’s not your job to make them see the light. You only have to tell them that you won’t tolerate it anymore.
10. Try to ignore them.
Yeah, it sounds like a copout to say you should just ignore the person’s behavior, but that can make it stop. If you’re dealing with someone who thrives on drama and hurting others, they’ll want to see that you’re angry, and confronting them could give them a hit of endorphins. Consider ignoring them and see what happens.
11. Ask them to explain themselves.
An interesting tactic to try when dealing with someone who dishes out spiteful remarks is to ask them what their comments mean. It might sound weird because you know they’re trying to hurt or belittle you, but asking them to explain themselves is a useful way to make them aware of what they’re doing. They might not have an answer for you, but they’ll know that you’re not going to accept the behavior lying down.
12. Stop needing a lot from them.
Maybe you always turned to this friend or acquaintance when you wanted a confidence boost or you wanted support for your problems. If they’re being spiteful to you, you need to protect yourself! According to Psych Central, it’s crucial to set some boundaries around the friendship and look elsewhere for support. This will prevent you from getting sucked into the situation.
13. Avoid feeling guilty.
You might feel guilty for setting boundaries with this person or confronting them and asking them about their intentions. But, look: they might be excellent manipulators who are pretending to be the victim in the situation to make you feel bad! Have the self-confidence to back yourself. You’re trying to do a good thing by eliminating this drama from your life.
14. Give the person a chance to change.
You know you can’t change anyone – they need to be willing to change. If they’ve been spiteful to you, such as with passive-aggressive comments or by being in a horrible mood that destroys everyone’s day, and you’ve talked to them about their behavior, give them a chance to be better. If they don’t change, you have to consider your next steps.
15. Consider cutting ties.
If the person doesn’t seem to care to change or become a better friend, you seriously have to question if you should stick with them. They’re just bringing you down to make themselves feel good, and you don’t need that! Cut them out of your life and delete them on social media. What a relief!
