Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when you’re dealing with someone who might have narcissistic tendencies. According to Choosing Therapy, somatic narcissists, in particular, are a subset of narcissists who are excessively focused on their physical appearance and sexual prowess. If you’re wondering whether your partner might fall into this category, here are some red flags to keep an eye out for.
1. Obsession with Physical Appearance
Your partner spends an inordinate amount of time and money on their looks. They’re constantly checking mirrors, taking selfies, and fishing for compliments about their appearance. They might become visibly distressed if they can’t maintain their grooming routine or if they perceive even minor flaws in their appearance. This obsession often comes at the expense of other important aspects of life, including relationships and responsibilities.
2. Excessive Exercise Routine
They prioritize gym time over everything else, including quality time with you. Their workout routine isn’t just a habit; it’s a core part of their identity. They may become irritable or anxious if they miss a workout, and they often talk about their fitness regime as if it’s the most important thing in their life. This excessive focus on physical fitness may also come with a judgmental attitude towards others who don’t meet their standards of fitness.
3. Constant Need for Attention
They flirt excessively, even in inappropriate situations. Your partner seems to need constant validation of their desirability, whether from you or others. This might manifest as always steering conversations towards intimate topics, dressing provocatively even in inappropriate settings, or constantly seeking reassurance about their appeal.
4. Belittling Others’ Appearances
Your partner frequently criticizes how others look, often in cruel or unnecessary ways (which is, BTW, never okay). Their comments often go beyond mere observations to unnecessarily harsh judgments, revealing a deep-seated need to feel superior based on physical attributes.
5. Obsession with Youth and Aging
They have an intense fear of aging and may go to extreme lengths to maintain a youthful appearance. This may lead them to get risky cosmetic procedures, spend exorbitant amounts on anti-aging products, or express persistent anxiety about showing any signs of aging.
6. Fishing for Compliments
Your partner constantly seeks reassurance about their looks, often in manipulative ways. They might make self-deprecating comments about their appearance, fishing for contradictions, or constantly ask for your opinion on how they look. If you don’t provide the desired compliments, they might become angry or accuse you of not finding them attractive.
7. Objectifying Others
They tend to view people primarily in terms of their physical attributes, rather than as whole individuals. They may make inappropriate comments about others’ bodies, even in professional or familial settings. This objectification often extends to their view of you, making you feel valued only for your physical attributes rather than your personality, intelligence, or other qualities.
8. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Any critique, no matter how minor, about their appearance or performance is met with extreme defensiveness or rage. While no one enjoys criticism, your partner’s reactions are disproportionate. This hypersensitivity makes it nearly impossible to have honest conversations about your needs or concerns, as any perceived slight becomes a major conflict.
9. Excessive Focus on Status Symbols
Your partner is overly concerned with owning the right car, wearing the right brands, or being seen at the right places—all to enhance their image. They might go into debt to maintain this lifestyle or become extremely distressed if they can’t afford the latest status symbol. This focus on external validation through possessions often comes at the expense of more meaningful life experiences or financial stability.
10. Lack of Empathy
They struggle to understand or care about your feelings, especially if they conflict with their needs or desires. According to Marriage.com, this goes beyond occasional self-centeredness; your partner consistently fails to consider your perspective or emotional state. This lack of empathy can leave you feeling unsupported and alone in the relationship.
11. Gaslighting About Appearance
This could involve subtle put-downs about your appearance, comparisons to others, or insisting that you look worse than you actually do. They might encourage you to dress in ways that make you feel uncomfortable or discourage you from receiving compliments from others. This manipulation is designed to keep you insecure and dependent on their validation.
12. Jealousy and Possessiveness
While they may seek attention from others, they become intensely jealous if you receive any attention or compliments. This double standard reveals their deep insecurity and need for control. This possessiveness isn’t a sign of love, but a manifestation of their view of you as a possession that reflects on their own desirability.
13. Inability to Handle Physical Imperfections
A bad hair day, a minor blemish, or gaining a pound can throw them into a tailspin of anxiety or self-loathing. They might cancel plans, refuse to be photographed, or spend hours trying to correct the perceived flaw. This extreme reaction to normal bodily changes or imperfections reveals a fragile self-image that’s overly dependent on a perfect physical appearance.
14. Frequent Infidelity or Wandering Eye
They may cheat regularly or constantly check out other people, justifying it as a natural response to their irresistible allure. When confronted, they often downplay their behavior or blame it on their exceptional attractiveness, as if they can’t help but attract and respond to attention. This shows a deep insecurity and lack of commitment to the relationship.
15. Using Physical Intimacy as a Weapon
Intimacy isn’t about connection for them—it’s about power. They might withhold sex as punishment or use it to manipulate you into doing what they want. This could involve using the promise of intimacy to get their way, threatening to seek satisfaction elsewhere if their demands aren’t met, or using your desires or insecurities against you. This weaponization creates an unhealthy dynamic where intimacy becomes harmful.
