Marriage, like any relationship, has its ups and downs. But sometimes, those downs start to outweigh the ups, and what was once a loving partnership begins to crumble. While every relationship is different, there are some telltale signs that a marriage might be on its last legs.
1. The silent treatment becomes the norm
It’s not comfortable silences, no—we’re talking about the kind of quiet that feels heavy and uncomfortable. Maybe you’ve noticed your friend and their partner barely exchanging words at parties, or maybe they’ve mentioned that days go by without any meaningful conversation at home. This communication breakdown is often one of the first signs that something’s seriously wrong.
2. Separate bedrooms? No problem!
“We sleep better this way,” your friend insists. But do they really? A sudden shift to separate bedrooms can be a red flag. Sleeping apart can be a way to avoid intimacy, both physical and emotional. If your friend seems oddly okay with this new arrangement, it might be because they’re relieved to have some space from their S.O. Yikes.
3. The eye roll becomes their signature move
Body language speaks volumes, and few gestures are as telling as the eye roll. This non-verbal cue is dripping with contempt, and contempt is a real relationship killer. Next time you’re around the couple, watch for these subtle (or not-so-subtle) expressions of disdain. It’ll tell you a lot.
4. “Remember when” becomes their favorite phrase
We love nostalgia! But when someone constantly reminisces about the early days of their marriage, it might be because the present is pretty bleak. “Remember when we used to stay up all night just talking?” they might say wistfully. While it’s normal to recall happy memories, constantly living in the past can be a way of avoiding the now.
5. Finances become a battleground
Money talks, and in a troubled marriage, it shouts. Maybe your friend has mentioned opening a separate bank account “just in case.” When couples start seeing money as “mine” instead of “ours,” it’s a sign of deeper trust issues. Financial disagreements are common in so many marriages (according to this study, people in long-term relationships reported that finances were the biggest conflict in 40% of their disagreements) but when they become secretive or hostile, it’s a red flag.
6. The jokes aren’t funny anymore
Does your friend and their spouse playfully tease? Does it turn into a mean-spirited back and forth? Or maybe the jokes have disappeared altogether, replaced by tense silence or forced politeness. When a couple can no longer laugh together or find joy in each other’s company, it’s a sign that resentment is there.
7. “Fine” becomes the F-word
“How’s your marriage?” you ask. “Fine,” they reply, with all the enthusiasm of someone describing watching paint dry. In the world of relationship communication, “fine” is often anything but. It’s a conversation-ender, a way of avoiding deeper discussion. When “fine” becomes the go-to description for their marriage, it usually means your friend has given up on expressing their true feelings or working on the relationship.
8. Their spouse becomes the punchline
We all need to vent sometimes, but there’s a difference between getting support and constantly badmouthing a partner. If your friend has taken to airing all their marital dirty laundry or making their spouse the butt of every joke, it’s a bad sign. This public disrespect often indicates that private respect is already gone.
9. The wedding ring does a disappearing act
It might start subtly—they forgot to put it on after the gym, or it’s “getting cleaned” more often than usual. Choosing not to wear their wedding ring, especially if they used to be diligent about it, can be a subconscious (or very conscious) signal that they’re detaching from the marriage. It’s a small object, but its meaning is huge.
10. The kids become messengers
“Tell your father dinner’s ready,” or “Ask your mother if she’s seen my keys.” When direct communication breaks down, some couples start using their children as go-betweens. This is not only unfair to the kids but also a clear sign that the parents are avoiding interaction with each other.
11. Suddenly, they’re always “busy”
Have you noticed your friend is suddenly swamped with work, hobbies, or social engagements—anything to keep them out of the house? When someone starts finding reasons to stay away from home, it’s often because home is no longer a happy place. While it’s great to have a full life, constantly avoiding time at home with a spouse is not a great sign.
12. Date night becomes a chore
Remember when your friend used to beam when they would tell you about the fun date night their spouse planned? Now, date night (if it happens at all) feels more like an obligation than a treat. Your friend might complain about having to find a babysitter or seem relieved when plans fall through. When couples stop prioritizing time together or view it as a burden, that is signaling there is trouble in paradise.
13. The word “divorce” loses its shock value
The D-word used to be taboo. But now your friend is casually dropping “divorce” into the conversation. This casualness doesn’t necessarily mean they’re planning to end the marriage immediately, but it does show that they’re becoming more comfortable with the idea. It’s like they’re emotionally preparing for the possibility that the marriage might not last.
14. “I” statements replace “We” statements
If “we” statements have been replaced almost entirely by “I” statements, it’s telling. “I’m thinking of taking a trip” instead of “We’re planning a vacation,” or “I want to move to the city” rather than “We’re considering relocating.” This shift in language reflects a shift in mindset—from seeing themselves as part of a unit to seeing themselves as a separate entity.
15. The blame game becomes the only game they play
In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions. But in a failing marriage, it’s easier to point fingers. If every story your friend tells about their marriage casts their spouse as the villain and themselves as the victim, that’s a sign of toxicity.
16. Emotional affairs become the new normal
Not all affairs are physical. Maybe your friend lights up when talking about a coworker or spend hours texting a “friend.” While they might insist it’s innocent, an emotional affair can be just as damaging to a marriage as a physical one, according to the Thriving Center of Psychology.
