While some people bottle everything up, many of us prefer to share our secrets with someone we think we can trust, largely because it provides some serious relief to be able to set ourselves free. However, as fun as it is to tell all, there are some people you shouldn’t be sharing a conversation with, let alone your biggest secrets. Read on to make sure you know who to avoid!
1. The teacher’s pet at work
Sometimes the old adage of keeping church and state separate needs to be refreshed in people’s minds. The workplace should not be the site for your Telenovela drama. Keep it simple and gossip-free, otherwise, someone will use it to their own advantage. You don’t want to end up ruining your professional reputation because you gave the wrong person TMI.
2. A people-pleaser
People-pleasers have a habit of selling out secrets that were told to them in confidence to whoever happens to be around. This is because they think it will make people like them but they tend to lose people in their lives who get tired of having their secrets used as bargaining chips. Beware.
3. The town gossip
It sounds obvious, but it can be very tempting to share secrets with the person in your town who knows everyone’s business and is happy to advertise it. Don’t let the promise of being told other people’s secrets lure you into handing over yours. You know exactly what will happen!
4. The loudmouth in your office
We can all picture the person in our lives who has not yet learned — despite being over 30 years of age — how to whisper. Loudmouths tend to lack any degree of subtlety. They may mean well, but if you have a secret to spill, save it for the people who don’t inadvertently project every conversation across an entire office floor.
5. Your boss
We all know the perils of spreading gossip in an open-plan office, particularly when it is about a colleague (according to Vice, gossiping was a survival method). It is exciting, of course, but best to avoid getting caught passing around baseless rumors or even true but personal stories at work. It goes without saying that your boss will get wind of it and they will not see you as a team player.
6. Your partner
This might sound like bad relationship advice, but oversharing can result in losing the romantic spark. When people use each other to download every petty thought they have in a day, that doesn’t constitute a meaningful connection. Unless you have a personal secret that pertains to them, avoid using your partner as a secret-sharing soundboard.
7. The new person at work
According to the APA, first impressions matter. You don’t want to gain a reputation for spouting mean-spirited BS on someone’s first day. They won’t even know who you’re talking about. Plus, you’ll be viewed as untrustworthy in the future. Keep your cards close to your chest until you get a better feel for them (and even then, it’s probably best to zip your lips).
8. Your mother
There are many benefits and risks involved with sharing something with your mother. On one hand, you’ll likely receive unconditional support and sympathy. On the other hand, prepare for all the Sharons, Karens, and Debbies in her life to know your business. Moms find it really hard to keep things to themselves, for some reason. It’s just a mom thing!
9. People with a jealous streak
Holding onto a secret for too long will make you want to share it with the next person you see. Don’t let that person be someone with a jealous streak — they’ll take no prisoners and you’ll get burned. The minute they find out they can use your secret against you, they will, and you won’t be happy about it.
10. Your local barista or other random service person
It may seem like it’s safe to share things with someone you barely know (and who doesn’t know the people you’re talking about), but it is not appropriate to blur that boundary with a random person. Just because they’re delivering a service does not mean they consent to receiving your emotional baggage!
11. People who know the person who the secret is about
This is more trouble than it is worth because you will feel anxious and on edge every time you see them together. You’ll have made yourself the bad guy in a situation that didn’t even include you to start with. You’ll wish you had kept the secret to yourself when you see what a difficult situation you have created.
12. People going through struggles themselves
They don’t need to be burdened by a piece of salacious gossip — it doesn’t serve them to feed into more negativity. Firstly, ask if they need any support from you, and just try to read the room. You’ll only feel guilty after over-sharing. Leave the petty details for your best friends instead!
13. People with no empathy
You know they won’t support you how you would hope to be supported. Sharing secrets is all about the community and liberation. Save yourself the rejection from people who don’t care about you. You won’t feel any better for having unburdened yourself — in fact, you’ll probably feel a whole lot worse.
14. People who want to stay out of the drama
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Respect people’s wishes if they’ve made it clear that they don’t like to share secrets. Sometimes there can be an implied pressure to share their own secrets, which not everyone is comfortable with. If they’re not down for connecting on that level, don’t force the issues. You probably have plenty of other people in your life who would be happy to hear you out.
