Dealing with these narcissists can be exhausting and emotionally draining, but that doesn’t mean you can’t shut down their attempts. I’ve got your back with a toolkit of phrases that’ll stop them in their tracks. Let’s chat about the 17 ways to shut down a narcissist and reclaim your peace of mind.
1. “I’m not interested in playing this game.”
Narcissists often view interactions as a game they must win, using manipulation tactics. By saying this, you’re directly calling out their behavior and refusing to engage in their power play. This phrase works because it shows you recognize their tactics and aren’t willing to be a pawn in their game. Use this when you notice them trying to bait you into an argument or when they’re using subtle manipulation techniques.
2. “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”
This phrase is powerful because it strikes at the heart of a narcissist’s tactics: they often try to control others by making them seek approval. This works particularly well when a narcissist is trying to belittle you or offer unsolicited critiques. It sends a clear message: “Your thoughts about me don’t define me.”
3. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”
Narcissists demand justifications for everything because it gives them a sense of control. This phrase sets a clear boundary by reminding them that you’re not obligated to explain your choices or actions. Use this when you feel pressured to defend your decisions or when they’re questioning your choices in a way that feels invasive or controlling.
4. “That’s an interesting way to see it. I disagree.”
This response is effective because it acknowledges their perspective without accepting it. It’s a polite way to stand your ground while avoiding direct confrontation, which can often escalate with narcissists. This phrase is particularly useful when dealing with a narcissist who’s presenting their opinion as fact or trying to force their viewpoint on you.
5. “I’m not comfortable with that.”
Sometimes, simplicity is key. This phrase is a gentle yet firm way to establish your boundaries without getting into a lengthy debate. The beauty of this phrase is that it focuses on your feelings rather than attacking their behavior, making it harder for them to argue against. Use this when a narcissist is pushing you to do something you don’t want to do or when they’re crossing personal boundaries.
6. “Let’s agree to disagree and move on.”
Narcissists love to argue just for the sake of it. This phrase puts an end to circular arguments and shows you’re not willing to waste your time. When you find yourself in a never-ending debate or when the narcissist keeps bringing up the same points repeatedly, it allows you to exit the conversation with dignity.
7. “I’m not responsible for your feelings.”
This one’s crucial because narcissists often try to make their emotional state your problem. They might blame you for their bad mood or expect you to fix their issues. By saying this, you’re setting a healthy boundary and reminding them of emotional responsibility. Use this when a narcissist is trying to guilt-trip you or make you feel responsible for their happiness or wellbeing.
8. “That sounds like a projection to me.”
Bringing in a bit of psychology can be very effective. This phrase calls them out because according to Choosing Therapy, they tend to project their flaws onto others. It’s like holding up a mirror to their behavior, forcing them to confront their own issues. It shifts the focus back to them in a way that’s hard to argue against.
9. “I’m setting this boundary for my own well-being.”
By framing your boundary in terms of self-care, you’re making it clear that this isn’t about them—it’s about you taking care of yourself. This approach is harder for a narcissist to argue against because you’re not attacking them, just prioritizing your own health. Use this when you need to establish or reinforce a boundary, especially if the narcissist is trying to make you feel selfish for having limits.
10. “I understand that’s your perception, but it’s not the reality.”
This phrase acknowledges their view while firmly stating that it’s not accurate. It’s a diplomatic way to call out their distorted thinking without dismissing them entirely. Use this when a narcissist is presenting their skewed perspective as universal truth, especially if it conflicts with objective reality or the views of others.
11. “Your actions don’t match your words.”
This phrase cuts right to the chase, pointing out the inconsistency between what they say and what they do. Narcissists often make grand promises or claims about themselves that their actions don’t support. By highlighting this, you’re calling them out on their hypocrisy. Use this when you notice a clear discrepancy between their words and actions, especially if they’re trying to gaslight you about past events or promises.
12. “I’m not going to engage in this conversation anymore.”
Sometimes, the best way to win is not to play. This phrase lets them know you’re done with the discussion, full stop. It’s like hanging up the phone on a telemarketer—you’re cutting off their access to your attention and energy. When you find yourself in a conversation that’s becoming circular, emotionally draining, or manipulative, it gives you the power to walk away from an unproductive interaction.
13. “That’s not how I remember it happening.”
Narcissists often try to rewrite history to suit their narrative, a tactic known as gaslighting according to the APA. This phrase calmly but firmly challenges their version of events without accusing them of lying. Use this when a narcissist is trying to convince you that something happened differently than you recall, especially if they’re attempting to dodge responsibility or make themselves look better.
14. “I appreciate your input, but I’ve made my decision.”
This one’s great because it acknowledges them (which they love) while still maintaining your autonomy. It’s a polite way to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Think of it as accepting a gift but not the strings attached to it. When a narcissist is trying to override your decisions or push you into changing your mind to suit their preferences, this allows you to stand firm without being confrontational.
15. “I’m not comfortable with you speaking to me that way.”
Direct and to the point, this phrase sets a clear boundary about how you expect to be treated, without attacking them in return. This is especially effective when a narcissist is being verbally abusive, condescending, or disrespectful. It calls out their behavior specifically without engaging in a fight, giving them the opportunity to adjust their approach.
16. “That’s an interesting assumption. What makes you think that?”
Turn the tables on them! This response makes them explain their logic (or lack thereof) and can often reveal the flaws in their thinking. It’s like asking someone to show their work in a math problem—it exposes the process behind their conclusions. This puts them on the spot and forces them to articulate their reasoning, which often falls apart under scrutiny.
17. “That comment says more about you than it does about me.”
This phrase turns their criticism back on them. It’s a subtle way of pointing out their own insecurities and projection. This works well when a narcissist makes a particularly harsh or unfounded criticism, as it shifts the focus onto the motivation behind their words rather than the content of the attack itself.
