It’s upsetting to look at how your friend’s been behaving and wonder if she’s really your friend or using you. I mean, you want to be sure that the people you surround yourself with have your best intentions at heart, but sadly this isn’t always the case. So, how can you tell if your friend’s up for the Fakest Bestie Of The Year award? Here are 10 signs that someone is using you so you can distance yourself from them as quickly as possible.
1. They Make Empty Promises.
Your friend tells you that they’re there for you and express that they care about you, but then they disappear when you need them. Or, they promise that they’ll help you with something, only to take back their promises. What’s even more irritating is that when they need something, they’ll be blowing up your phone with sweet texts. According to Talkspace, having someone like this around is bad for your mental health.
2. They’re Generous When It Suits Them.
Your friend can be super-generous – she’ll throw you an amazing birthday party or surprise you with your favorite flowers on the fly – but you’ve noticed a pattern that this side of her personality only comes out when it’s convenient for her. Like, if she needs to ask you for help with something.
3. They Let You Chase Them.
Your so-called friend is inconsistent. While they’ll text you when it’s convenient, like when they want to go party and have no one else around, they’ll also disappear on you if they don’t need you for anything. So, there are times in your friendship when you’ll be chasing after them and sending them tons of texts to stay in touch – and be left on “read” for days.
4. They Shower You With Praise.
It’s a red flag if your friend is always complimenting you and telling you how much they love you. Overdoing the praise is always a bad sign, especially if you haven’t even known each other for that long. What’s their hidden agenda? They could be doing this to manipulate you so that you think they really care about you and give them what they want.
5. They Don’t Know How To Compromise.
A healthy friendship is about compromise. You should both give a little so that you meet each other halfway. If one party’s always taking, then the friendship isn’t real. So, if you’re always the one who has to drive across town to meet your friend for drinks or you’re always the one who has to bail them out of drama, there’s something wrong.
6. They Always Plan Get-Togethers.
It might sound weird to say that a friend who’s using you might be the one to take charge of plans and organize events. But they could be selfish, only wanting to do the stuff they enjoy, without considering your feelings. They should let you lead the relationship sometimes instead of making you feel like you’re just there for the ride.
7. They Trauma-Dump On You.
Does your friend always need something from you? You might feel like you’ve become their psychologist because they’re always in need of emotional support or advice. It can be draining, and you might wonder why you don’t charge per hour! Seriously, though, this is especially disturbing if your friend doesn’t give you the same level of support they’re so easily receiving from you. Remember there is a difference between venting and trauma dumping, according to USA Today.
8. They Call You When They’re Lonely.
Sometimes, it feels like you’re your friend’s back-up option. They won’t invite you out to a party days ahead of time – instead, it’s always a last-minute thing. You might have to rush to get ready so you can hang out with them, but it feels “off” instead of fun. What, are you fifth on their list? It sure feels that way. They tend to rock up when their other friends rain-checked their outing or are out of town. It’s so convenient for them, right?
9. They Don’t Thank You.
Even though you’re always willing to help your friend and support them, you never get appreciated. All it takes is for them to say thanks or do something nice for you, but you’re going to be waiting forever. They’re quire selfish and self-obsessed, as though expecting you to be there like a robot. It’s like they don’t even consider how their lack of appreciation makes you feel.
10. They Make You Feel Like You Owe Them.
Friendship should be about compromise, sure, but it shouldn’t feel like a transaction. It’s not cool if your friend does something nice for you but then throws it in your face later, or demands that you do something for them in return. They might say, “You have to do this for me, because of what I did for you.” Woah. They’re totally using you. This is also a way for them to guilt-trip you into doing what they need from you, which is so unfair.
