Your partner cheated on you but they don’t want to end the relationship. Although you might be ready to pack up your things and leave, they want you to both work on getting the relationship back on track. Can it happen? It might feel like this is impossible when your wounds are still fresh, but, according to Well+Good, it can work. However, your partner has to be willing to do these 10 things, or else there’s no deal and they’ll just hurt you again.
1. They Take Responsibility.
When confronted, your partner should own up to their mistake. Now’s not the time for them to tell you that you’re to blame for their behavior or make a ton of excuses for why they cheated. This is on them. They need to face the music and be real. It’s also important for them to say sorry in a way that’s meaningful, and to explain why they messed up. They’ve got to go deep for it to be genuine.
2. They’re Transparent About The Cheating.
Your partner should be open and willing to communicate about what happened, or how can you rebuild your trust? They should let you ask questions to get closure you need to move on from the experience, instead of getting mad that you’re still going on about the incident. You might want to know every little detail about the affair, or perhaps not. But you have a right to this information.
3. They Show Remorse.
Buying you a bunch of flowers as a token of their remorse isn’t good enough. They need to talk about why they’re really sorry for what they did and their actions need to back up their words. They need to keep wanting to make amends with you and show you that they’re working on the relationship, instead of just going with the motions.
4. They Fulfill Their Promises.
When someone’s been busted for cheating, they might make tons of promises that they’ll change. If they deserve a second chance, they’ll show you that they’re already fulfilling those promises, instead of just paying you lip service to keep you around. So, if they’re promising to be more supportive of your emotional needs, they need to start showing it immediately.
5. They’re Open About Their Lives.
It’s natural to worry that your partner’s going to rush out and cheat on you again, so you might want them to be more open and transparent about their texts, where they go when you’re not around, and their social media interactions. Someone who’s willing to rebuild the relationship’s trust will be okay with doing this.
6. They Change Their Bad Habits.
If your partner used to live like a single guy, hitting the pub with his mates after work or flirting with single women, these red flags need to be eliminated. Your partner needs to show that they’re willing to change themselves and any bad habits they’ve been following to make the relationship stronger and to prove to you that they’re not going to fall back into the cheating trap. If there are red flags, they’re going to put you off from trying to make things work.
7. They Give You Space.
After being cheated on, you might feel like you don’t want to be around your partner much. Or, maybe you don’t want to engage in romantic or fun activities with them until you’ve processed what happened. They shouldn’t give you a tough time for this. They need to give you the space you need to deal with the situation. You might even want to have a relationship break.
8. They Don’t Brush Off Your Pain.
After a few days or weeks, your partner can’t assume that you can forget what happened. They shouldn’t get angry with you when you want to talk about their cheating, or minimize your feelings. They should be willing to accept however long you need to talk and process it, and should be down with getting couples therapy if you feel this is something that can help you.
9. They Cut Off Contact With The Other Woman.
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Your partner should show you that they’ve cut off all contact with the other person, on their phone and on social media. If they can’t do this, or they think that you’re controlling them by suggesting this, they’re clearly not ready or willing to work on your relationship. You have to feel that the past is over and you can hopefully move forward together.
10. They Share Feelings With You.
According to Vice, your relationship may grow stronger if you and your partner are open about your feelings after an affair. Your partner should be much more expressive, especially because you could be struggling to trust them or worrying that they’re going to close themselves off from you again. They should be willing to get in tune with their feelings and be honest so you can work through any relationship issues that come up, instead of seeking distractions outside of it.
