Finding a community that shares your values and beliefs can be a source of comfort and belonging.
However, sometimes a religious group’s intentions may not be as pure as they seem. While genuine communities uplift and support their members, others might engage in grooming tactics to manipulate and control. It’s essential to be aware of the signs, trust your instincts, and prioritize your well-being.
1. They isolate you from your existing support network.
A common grooming tactic involves gradually separating you from your family and friends who might offer different perspectives or raise concerns. They might encourage you to spend less time with loved ones, suggesting that they don’t understand your new faith or are a negative influence. This isolation makes you more dependent on the group and its leaders.
2. They offer excessive praise and attention, especially early on.
Love bombing, as it’s sometimes called, is a manipulative technique where you are showered with compliments, gifts, and special treatment. This overwhelming affection can be intoxicating and create a strong sense of loyalty and indebtedness to the group. However, it’s often a tactic to lower your guard and make you more susceptible to their influence, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
3. They discourage critical thinking and questioning.
Healthy religious communities encourage thoughtful discussion and debate. However, groups with harmful intentions often discourage questioning their teachings or practices. They may label dissent as disloyalty or even sinful, creating an environment where critical thinking is stifled and conformity is enforced.
4. They use guilt and shame to control your behavior.
Manipulation through guilt and shame is a powerful tool used by some groups to keep members in line. They may emphasize your past mistakes or shortcomings, making you feel unworthy or indebted to the group. This can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and dependence, making it harder to leave even if you have concerns.
5. They pressure you to conform to their strict rules and beliefs.
While all religious groups have guidelines, some impose rigid rules and expectations on their members. This can extend beyond spiritual practices to include how you dress, who you spend time with, and even what you think. This kind of control can be suffocating and limit your personal freedom and autonomy.
6. They discourage you from seeking outside help or advice.
Groups that groom often discourage members from seeking advice or guidance from anyone outside the group. This includes therapists, counselors, or even trusted family members. They might claim that outsiders don’t understand their teachings or that seeking help is a sign of weakness or lack of faith.
7. They create a sense of urgency and fear.
Some groups use fear-mongering tactics to create a sense of urgency and dependence. They may warn of impending doom, societal collapse, or spiritual damnation for those who don’t follow their teachings. This fear can be paralyzing and make it difficult to think clearly or make independent decisions.
8. They demand financial contributions or sacrifices.
While tithing or donating to a religious organization is a common practice, some groups take it to an extreme. They may pressure members to give large sums of money, donate their possessions, or even cut ties with family members who don’t support the group. This financial exploitation can leave members vulnerable and dependent on the group for their basic needs.
9. They encourage you to keep secrets from your loved ones.
Healthy relationships thrive on openness and transparency. If a group encourages you to keep secrets from your family or friends, it’s a major red flag. They might ask you to hide your involvement in the group, your beliefs, or even your donations. This secrecy creates a barrier between you and your loved ones, making it harder for them to offer support or intervene if necessary.
10. They undermine your self-esteem and self-worth.
Rather than building you up and empowering you, some groups use subtle tactics to erode your self-esteem. They may criticize your appearance, your choices, or your past mistakes. This constant negativity can make you feel unworthy and dependent on the group for validation and approval.
11. They promise you special knowledge or enlightenment.
Many groups lure people in with the promise of exclusive knowledge, secret rituals, or a higher level of spiritual enlightenment. They may claim that only their group possesses the true path to salvation or happiness. This exclusivity can be intoxicating and make you feel special, but it’s often a tool to manipulate and control.
12. They have a charismatic and authoritarian leader.
Groups that groom often have a charismatic leader who demands absolute loyalty and obedience. This leader may be seen as infallible, and their teachings are treated as unquestionable truth. This kind of power dynamic can be dangerous, as it allows the leader to manipulate and exploit their followers without accountability.
13. They use loaded language and jargon.
Some groups use specific language or jargon to create an insider-outsider dynamic. This language can be confusing and isolating for newcomers, making them feel like they need to rely on the group for interpretation and understanding. This dependency can make it harder to leave or question the group’s teachings.
14. They have a history of abuse or misconduct.
If a group has a history of abuse, misconduct, or exploitation, it’s a major warning sign, per WebMD. Do your research, talk to former members, and be wary of any organization that has a pattern of harming its followers. Trust your instincts and prioritize your safety and well-being.
15. You feel uneasy, pressured, or controlled.
Ultimately, the most important sign is your own gut feeling. If something feels off, trust your instincts. If you feel pressured, manipulated, or controlled, it’s a sign that the group may not have your best interests at heart. Don’t hesitate to seek help from trusted friends, family, or professionals if you’re concerned about your involvement in a religious group.
