Relationships are complicated, and sometimes it can feel like your partner is a completely different person than the one you fell for.
They might be acting out of character, making decisions that don’t align with their usual values, or seemingly under someone else’s influence. While it’s important to communicate with your partner and understand their perspective, there are certain signs that might indicate they’re under someone else’s spell.
1. Their usual routine is disrupted.
We all have routines, whether it’s our daily schedule or how we interact with loved ones. If your partner suddenly deviates from their routine without a clear reason, it could be a red flag. Maybe they’re working late more often, spending excessive time with a particular person, or neglecting their usual hobbies and interests.
2. They speak highly of this new person excessively.
It’s natural to make new friends or acquaintances, but if your partner can’t stop talking about a specific person, it might be worth paying attention. If they’re constantly praising this individual’s qualities, comparing them favorably to you, or even subtly belittling you in comparison, it could be a sign that this new person is influencing them more than they realize.
3. They seem distant or secretive.
A healthy relationship thrives on open communication and trust. If your partner starts acting secretive, withholding information, or avoiding conversations about this new person, it could be a cause for concern. They might be hiding something, or they might feel conflicted about their feelings for this person, per Psychology Today.
4. Their values and opinions start to shift.
We all evolve and change over time, but sudden and drastic shifts in your partner’s values and opinions could be a sign of external influence. If they start echoing the beliefs of this new person, especially if those beliefs conflict with their own, it could be a red flag. This could indicate that they’re being manipulated or pressured into conforming to someone else’s ideals.
5. They become defensive when you express your concerns.
Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. If you express your concerns about your partner’s behavior, and they become defensive or dismissive, it’s not a good sign. They might be trying to avoid addressing the issue, or they might be genuinely unaware of how their actions are affecting you.
6. They isolate themselves from you and your shared social circle.
A strong relationship involves shared connections and experiences. If your partner starts pulling away from you and your mutual friends or family, it could be a sign that they’re being influenced by someone who doesn’t approve of those relationships. They might be feeling pressured to choose between this new person and their existing social circle.
7. Their priorities drastically change.
We all have different priorities in life, but sudden and significant changes in your partner’s priorities could be a sign of external influence. If they start neglecting their responsibilities, sacrificing their goals, or making decisions that don’t align with their usual values, it’s worth exploring whether someone else is pulling the strings.
8. You feel a gut instinct that something isn’t right.
Sometimes, our intuition can be our best guide. If you have a gut feeling that something is off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and pay attention to the signs. It’s better to address your concerns early on than to let them fester and potentially damage your relationship.
9. They compare you unfavorably to this new person.
A healthy relationship involves appreciating each other’s unique qualities and strengths. If your partner starts comparing you unfavorably to this new person, it’s a red flag. This could be a sign that they’re being manipulated into devaluing you and your relationship.
10. They try to control your interactions with other people.
Jealousy and possessiveness can be toxic in a relationship. If your partner starts trying to control who you spend time with or what you do, it could be a sign that they’re under someone else’s influence. This person might be trying to isolate your partner from their loved ones and exert control over their life.
11. They disregard your feelings and needs.
A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and consideration for each other’s feelings and needs. If your partner starts disregarding your feelings, dismissing your concerns, or prioritizing the needs of this new person over yours, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. This could be a result of manipulation or simply a lack of consideration for your well-being.
12. They defend this new person’s questionable behavior.
We all make mistakes, but if your partner starts defending this new person’s questionable behavior, it could be a sign that they’re under their spell. This person might be manipulating your partner into believing that their actions are justified, even if they’re hurtful or disrespectful.
13. They lose interest in intimacy and affection.
Intimacy and affection are important aspects of a healthy relationship. If your partner starts losing interest in physical touch, emotional connection, or spending quality time with you, it could be a sign that they’re emotionally invested in someone else, Verywell Mind warns. This could be a result of manipulation or simply a shift in their priorities.
14. They become easily agitated or defensive when you mention this new person.
If simply mentioning this new person’s name triggers a defensive or agitated response from your partner, it’s a red flag. This could indicate that they’re feeling guilty, conflicted, or protective of this person. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns, but be prepared for a potentially difficult discussion.
