Narcissists crave having full control of people and situations. They like to be with people that make them feel superior in any way. So, if you do something that goes against them, they can easily feel threatened. When that happens, they can lash out, drawback, or react in a variety of different ways.
1. They deflect attention away from themselves.
A common move from narcissists when they feel threatened is to change the subject ASAP. They’ll try to blame you for their actions and focus on your flaws. They do this to keep the conversation about you and not them. Once you’re distracted from the issues you raised, they can more easily control the narrative.
2. They try to gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a common tactic from narcissists. They’ll lie over and over again until you don’t know what the truth is anymore. They’ll deny things they’ve done even if you have proof. They do this to make you distrust what you believe, so you need to turn to them for answers.
3. They try to damage your reputation.
When narcissists feel like they’re losing control, they’ll try to destroy your credibility in the wider world, per Choosing Therapy. If you aren’t going to do what they say, they don’t want you to have a connection to anyone. So, they’ll run smear campaigns in the office and around your friends. They’ll bring in third parties and twist the story to favor them. They’ll do anything to make you look bad and them look good.
4. They give you the silent treatment.
When a narcissist is frustrated, don’t be surprised if they completely ignore you and act like you’re not even there. They do this to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. By not talking to you, they manipulate you into thinking you’ve done something wrong to hurt their feelings. Then once you apologize they have control again.
5. They project their negative behaviors onto you.
Narcissists are not very self-aware, so when you accuse them of something, they’ll often try to reverse things by accusing you of behaviors that they’re guilty of themselves. They’ll call you selfish and focus on your behavior to put you on the defensive. This tactic can cause a lot of self-doubt.
6. They act superior.
All narcissists act superior. Some are more grandiose than others, but they all act superior. They’ll exaggerate their own accomplishments and skills, brag about things they’ve done, and try to assert their dominance. They do this to intimidate people and make them subservient.
7. They love bomb.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you might not realize it at first, but when you do and start to call them out, they’ll do everything possible to manipulate you into staying with them. One thing most narcissists love to do is love bomb. They’ll try to use your emotions and love to manipulate you into staying.
8. They use manipulative tactics to try to drag you back in.
Narcissists will use manipulation tactics to draw you back into their web of control after a period apart. They’ll use flattery, promises, and false charm to regain the power they once held over you. They create a cycle of abuse and reconciliation that’s hard to break from.
9. They make excuses for everything.
Narcissists always have an excuse for something they’ve done wrong. They do everything they can to shift the blame onto something or someone else. On the rare occasion that they accept responsibility for something, they’ll assure you that it’ll never happen again, but they won’t actually apologize.
10. They verbally abuse you.
As Verywell Mind notes, narcissists are often verbally abusive. They throw insults, criticize, and use belittling comments to make you feel worse about yourself. Their goal is to make you feel inferior so that their rightful place is above you. Relentless verbal abuse can have an awful effect on your mental health.
11. They try to turn people against you.
Narcissists will do anything they can to stay in control. One thing many of them love to do is involve a third person in your relationship and turn them against you. They’ll gang up on you and spread lies about you so that everyone is on their side. They do this to isolate you from your friends and coworkers.
12. They’re dismissive of your feelings.
Narcissists only care about them, so they don’t care about your feelings. They don’t feel empathy in most cases, so when you’re emotional, they’ll be indifferent to your pain. They won’t support you and will often take moments like this to try to manipulate you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do.
13. They have fits of anger.
Narcissists are prone to fits of anger. When things start to not go their way, they’ll lash out at the people around them. They’ll blame their loved ones for things that have gone wrong. Sometimes this leads to physical attacks, but it can also just be emotional attacks and outbursts. Regardless of the type of anger that they use, it can be very damaging to the other people involved.
14. They threaten you.
Narcissists will often use threats to do what they want. They’ll threaten to do things to you, or if you’re in a relationship with them, they’ll threaten to leave. Some narcissists will even take things further and threaten to harm themselves (even though they never would). They do this to get what they want in any way possible.
15. They discard you to try to make you feel small.
When narcissists get especially frustrated by you calling them out, they’ll try to turn the tables on you. They’ll discard you and ghost you for long periods of time. They’ll do this to make you feel small. So, when you go back to them to apologize for hurting their feelings, they have the power again, and you can’t get it back.
