Cutting someone out of your life is a big decision to make. You want to be sure you’re making the right choice, which means that there are some steps you should take. Here are our tips on determining if it’s time to walk away.
1. Start by evaluating the relationship.
This is a great time to list the person’s pros and cons. What benefits do they bring into your life? What are some of the negative things about them? Write down everything you can think of, from when they brought you soup when you were sick to when they told that guy you liked that one secret they promised never to share.
2. Look at how they make you feel.
You could end up with equal rows of pros and cons, but when you take some time to look at your overall well-being regarding your relationship with this person, you may find your deal breaker. Do they drain your energy or make you perk up? Do you hate spending time with them or wish you had more time together? If someone drains your energy, they could be toxic to you, Healthline warns.
3. Determine if they respect your boundaries or not.
Boundaries are essential in all relationships. If someone blatantly refuses to follow your boundaries, they don’t respect you. Of course, there are times when we accidentally trip over boundaries, but if accidents keep happening and your voice isn’t being heard, you should cut this person out of your life.
4. Learn what their intentions are toward you.
If someone doesn’t have good intentions toward you, there are ways you can tell. They’re the people who argue with you about your life decisions. They push you to do things that make you uncomfortable and may not suit you.
5. Evaluate their honesty.
Honesty is another important quality in all relationships. Determine if this person is always being honest with you and if they’re not, walk away. It’s not too hard to catch people lying, and while a tiny white lie may not be a big deal, if they’re lying often, the pattern says a lot about who they are.
6. Consider if this relationship is moving you toward or away from growth.
Some relationships inspire us to better ourselves, and others make us feel horrible about ourselves. Is this relationship making you want to be a better person? Is it because they inspire you, or is it because you don’t want to be like them? Consider these things as you decide if it’s time to walk away.
7. Figure out if they are trustworthy.
If you tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, are you confident they’ll keep those to themselves? Once someone breaks your trust, can they ever earn it back? That’s up to each individual. If this person has already broken your trust and you find it hard to forgive or forget their transgressions, this may be reason enough to end things.
8. Explore whether or not you have shared values.
If your values are on entirely different ends of the spectrum, this relationship may have been doomed from the start. We can only agree to disagree so many times before we realize we’ll never be on the same page.
9. Scrutinize your indecisiveness.
Why are you unsure of walking away? Why do you think you should? By looking inward, you may discover something about yourself that explains why things aren’t going as you wish.
10. Examine the logistics of cutting them from your life.
Some people are more challenging to cut from our lives than others because we work with them, they’re part of our family, or we live with them. Once you walk away, you must think about avoiding this person. This could mean moving, finding a new job, or even skipping family get-togethers that they’ll be attending.
11. Get opinions from other people in your life.
Take some time to talk about the relationship with other people. Choose someone who knows the situation, but also consider talking to unbiased friends or acquaintances. You want honest opinions that will help you make the right decision.
12. Have a heartfelt discussion with the person.
One of the best things you can do to determine if a relationship is ready to be over is to talk with the person you’re thinking of cutting ties with. Perhaps you can work things out, or you may find they’ve been thinking of walking away, too. There’s nothing wrong with being open and honest.
13. Ponder how often they’ve made you feel like cutting ties.
Are they a repeat offender who is always getting on your nerves? Some people irk us only a tiny amount of time, and then they grow on us. If you think you can get over the negative aspects of this relationship, you may not be ready to cut ties yet.
14. Go over your level of respect for one another.
There are two people in this relationship — are you giving your friend, partner, or family member the respect they deserve? Are they giving it in return? Even if they respect you, there may be things about this person you find challenging to be respectful of, which could be enough to make it worth ending.
15. Think of how you’ll feel when they’re gone.
If you think you will spend months thinking about this person and how you wish they were back in your life, you should hang on a little longer. If you are ready for them to be gone and thinking of life without them, then cut that cord.
