We’ve all been there — mid-conversation with someone, and they drop a line that makes you do a double-take. Sometimes, it’s not what people say, but how they say it, or the underlying message behind their words that can raise red flags. Here are some phrases and sentiments that might indicate you need to proceed with caution.
1. “I’m brutally honest.”
While honesty is generally a good thing, the word “brutally” suggests a lack of tact or empathy. Someone who prides themselves on being brutally honest may be more interested in delivering their unfiltered opinions than considering the impact of their words on other people. This could signal a tendency towards insensitivity and a disregard for other people’s feelings.
2. “All my exes are crazy.”
If someone consistently paints their exes as the sole source of problems in past relationships, it could be a sign that they lack self-awareness or have difficulty taking responsibility for their own actions. It’s also possible they’re using this as a way to manipulate you or deflect blame from themselves. It’s important to consider whether this pattern might repeat itself in your relationship with them.
3. “I don’t trust anyone.”
While trust is earned, a sweeping statement like this might indicate deeper issues with intimacy, vulnerability, or past traumas, Verywell Mind explains. It could also signal a tendency towards paranoia or suspicion, which can be challenging to navigate in a relationship. It’s important to understand the reasons behind their distrust and whether they’re willing to work on building trust with you.
4. “You’re not like other people.”
While this might sound like a compliment, it can be a manipulative tactic used to isolate you from your friends and family. It creates a sense of specialness and exclusivity that can make you feel obligated to prioritize the relationship above all else. Be wary of anyone who tries to separate you from your support system.
5. “I know what’s best for you.”
This phrase can be a sign of controlling behavior. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and decision-making. Someone who constantly insists they know what’s best for you may be trying to exert power and control over your life. It’s important to assert your autonomy and make choices that align with your own values and desires.
6. “You’re overreacting.”
Invalidating your feelings is a common tactic used to dismiss your concerns and avoid accountability. If someone consistently tells you that your emotions are irrational or exaggerated, they’re not respecting your emotional experience. A healthy relationship involves validating and empathizing with each other’s feelings.
7. “I’m a very jealous person.”
Jealousy can be a destructive force in a relationship. While a little jealousy can be normal, excessive possessiveness and mistrust can quickly erode trust and create a toxic dynamic. If someone openly admits to being very jealous, it’s important to consider whether their jealousy is manageable or if it could escalate into controlling behavior.
8. “You wouldn’t understand.”
This phrase can be a way to shut down communication and avoid deeper conversations. It might signal a lack of willingness to explain their thoughts or feelings, or a desire to keep you in the dark about certain aspects of their life. Open communication is crucial for building trust and intimacy in a relationship.
9. “I need you.”
While it’s normal to need and rely on our partners for support, this phrase can be a red flag if it’s used excessively or early on in a relationship. It could signal a codependent tendency or an unhealthy attachment style. A healthy relationship involves two independent individuals who support and rely on each other in balanced ways.
10. “I’m not good at relationships.”
This statement might seem like an honest admission, but it can also be a way to excuse bad behavior or avoid responsibility for relationship issues. It’s important to consider whether they’re genuinely willing to work on their shortcomings, or if they’re using this as a crutch to avoid personal growth and commitment.
11. “You’re lucky to have me.”
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and appreciation, not a sense of indebtedness. If someone makes you feel like you’re lucky to be with them, they’re likely trying to inflate their own ego and create a power imbalance in the relationship. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who values and cherishes you for who you are.
12. “I don’t like your friends.”
Your friends are an important part of your life, and a supportive partner will respect your relationships with them. If someone tries to isolate you from your friends or constantly criticizes them, it could be a sign of controlling behavior or insecurity on their part. A healthy relationship involves respecting and supporting each other’s social circles.
13. “You complete me.”
This might sound romantic in a movie, but in reality, it can be a red flag for codependency. Each person in a relationship should be whole and complete on their own. Relying on someone else for your happiness and fulfillment can lead to an unhealthy dynamic. A healthy relationship involves two independent individuals who enhance each other’s lives, not complete them.
14. “My ex was terrible.”
While it’s natural to talk about past relationships, constantly dwelling on the negative aspects of a previous partner can be a sign of unresolved issues or a tendency to blame other people, Psychology Today notes. It’s also not a good look to constantly badmouth someone you were once close to. It’s important to focus on the present and build a healthy relationship with your current partner, rather than dwelling on the past.
15. “I hate drama.”
This might seem like a positive statement, but it can also be a way to avoid accountability and responsibility. If someone constantly claims to hate drama, but their actions consistently create conflict and chaos, they may be using this phrase as a shield to deflect blame. Healthy relationships involve addressing conflicts directly and working together to find solutions, not simply avoiding them.
16. “I’m not good with emotions.”
Emotional intelligence is crucial for healthy relationships. If someone dismisses emotions as unimportant or claims they’re not good at dealing with them, it could be a sign that they’re emotionally unavailable or unwilling to connect on a deeper level. A healthy relationship involves being able to express and process emotions in a healthy and constructive way.
17. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a classic gaslighting tactic used to invalidate your feelings and make you question your own sanity. If someone consistently tells you that you’re overreacting or being too sensitive, they’re not respecting your emotional experience. It’s important to trust your instincts and assert your right to feel your feelings.
18. “You’re always the problem.”
In any relationship, there will be disagreements and conflicts. However, if someone consistently blames you for everything that goes wrong, they’re not taking responsibility for their own actions or acknowledging their role in the situation. This type of behavior can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and create a toxic dynamic in the relationship.
19. “You need to change for me.”
A healthy relationship involves accepting and appreciating each other for who you are, not trying to change each other to fit some idealized image. If someone demands that you change your personality, appearance, or behavior to please them, they’re not respecting your individuality. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not who someone else wants you to be.
20. “If you loved me, you would…”
This is a classic manipulation tactic used to guilt and control you. Love is not about conditional acceptance or compliance. If someone uses this phrase to manipulate you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, they’re not respecting your boundaries or autonomy. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding, not emotional blackmail.
