We’ve all heard the phrase, “I’m just saying…” tacked onto the end of a comment that’s hurtful, insensitive, or just plain rude.
It’s like the person saying it thinks that by throwing that out as their closer, everything they’ve said before it is somehow less offensive or obnoxious. However, before you allow your knee-jerk defense mechanisms to kick in, stop and take a deep breath. Instead of losing your cool, say one of these things instead.
1. “I understand that you’re just saying it, but it still has an impact.”
This response acknowledges their intent while still emphasizing the effect their words have on you. It’s a gentle way to let them know that even if they didn’t mean to be hurtful, their words still matter. If they care about you, they might think about this and change their approach in the future.
2. “Just saying something doesn’t make it okay to say.”
This is a direct and assertive way to call out their behavior. It reinforces the idea that there are consequences to our words, regardless of our intentions. It also challenges the notion that “just saying” something absolves them of responsibility for the things that come out of their mouth.
3. “I’m not sure you’re aware that what you’re just saying comes across as hurtful/insensitive/rude.”
This response gives them the benefit of the doubt, suggesting that they may not have realized the impact of their words. It also opens the door for a conversation about how their words made you feel. As Good Therapy notes, direct communication is always the best option.
4. “I know you’re just saying, but I’d rather we focus on [alternative topic].”
This is a way to redirect the conversation away from the potentially harmful topic. It shows that you’re not interested in engaging in a negative discussion and would prefer to talk about something more constructive.
5. “I appreciate your honesty, but I disagree with your perspective.”
This acknowledges their right to their opinion while still standing up for your own. It’s a respectful way to disagree without escalating the situation.
6. “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, but I’d prefer not to discuss this further.”
This is a polite but firm way to shut down the conversation. It sets a boundary and lets them know that you’re not willing to engage in a discussion that you find uncomfortable or unproductive.
7. “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?”
This shows a willingness to engage in a conversation, but on your terms. By asking them to elaborate on their thoughts, you can gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and potentially find common ground.
8. “I’m not comfortable with that language/joke.”
This is a direct and assertive way to let them know that their words or humor are not acceptable to you. It sets a clear boundary and lets them know that you won’t tolerate disrespect. According to Forbes, boundaries are elements of self-care and self-respect, so never feel bad for setting them.
9. “While I appreciate your perspective, I would prefer if you didn’t share those kinds of comments with me.”
This response combines appreciation for their honesty with a clear boundary. It lets them know that you value their thoughts, but that certain topics or comments are off-limits.
10. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to say. Could you rephrase that?”
Sometimes, “I’m just saying” is used to disguise a hurtful or confusing comment. By asking for clarification, you force them to articulate their thoughts more clearly, which might reveal the underlying message.
11. “I’m curious about your motivation for saying that. What are you hoping to achieve?”
This rightly puts the focus back on them and their intentions. It can help uncover whether they’re trying to be helpful, hurtful, or simply provocative.
12. “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t think that’s a productive way to approach this issue.”
This is a great way of acknowledging their point of view while suggesting that there might be a better way to address the topic. It can open the door to a more constructive conversation — if they’re open to it, that is.
13. “I’m not interested in debating this. Let’s agree to disagree.”
Sometimes, the best response is to simply disengage from the conversation. This response acknowledges their right to their opinion while also asserting your right to not participate in a debate.
14. “I feel like you’re trying to dismiss my feelings by saying ‘I’m just saying.’ Would you be willing to hear my perspective?”
It’s important to address the dismissive nature of the phrase “I’m just saying,” and this one does just that. It asserts your right to feel heard and understood, and it invites them to engage in a more respectful dialogue.
15. “I understand that you’re trying to make a point, but I don’t think this is the right time or place to discuss it.”
This acknowledges their intent while setting a boundary. It lets them know that you’re not willing to engage in a potentially sensitive discussion at that moment.
16. “I’m going to end this conversation now. Thank you for your time.”
Sometimes, the most empowering response is to simply walk away. This response is a clear and direct way to disengage from a conversation that is not serving you.
