Toxic people can be like boomerangs—you try to throw them away, but they somehow find their way back into your life. Whether it’s an ex-partner, a manipulative friend, or a family member who thrives on drama, these individuals have a knack for resurfacing when you least expect it. But don’t worry, you’re not alone! Many people have experienced the unsettling feeling of a toxic person trying to weasel their way back in. Here are some red flags to look out for.
1. They play the victim.
One of the most common tactics is to play the victim. They’ll twist the narrative, making themselves out to be the one who was wronged. They may apologize profusely, blaming their past behavior on external factors or even claiming they’ve changed. Don’t fall for it! Their apologies are often insincere and their “change” is usually temporary.
2. They use guilt trips.
Toxic people are experts at manipulating your emotions. They’ll remind you of past favors, shared memories, or the good times you had together. They might even threaten self-harm or try to make you feel responsible for their well-being. Remember, their guilt trips are a form of emotional manipulation, and you’re not obligated to give in to their demands.
3. They love-bomb you.
After a period of silence, they may suddenly shower you with attention, affection, and compliments. As the Cleveland Clinic explains, this is a practice known as love-bombing. They’ll act like nothing ever happened and try to win you back with grand gestures and promises of a better future. However, this is just a ploy to lure you back into their toxic cycle. The love bombing phase is usually short-lived, and their true colors will eventually resurface.
4. They use mutual friends.
Toxic people often try to exploit your shared connections. They might reach out to mutual friends to get updates on your life or to plant seeds of doubt about your decision to cut them off. They may even try to enlist these friends to persuade you to give them another chance. Be wary of any information that comes to you through a third party, and trust your gut instinct.
5. They stalk you on social media.
Thanks to social media, it’s easy for toxic people to keep tabs on your life. They might like or comment on your posts, send you direct messages, or even create fake profiles to follow you. This behavior can be invasive and unsettling. Consider blocking them on social media or adjusting your privacy settings to limit their access to your information.
6. They manufacture a crisis.
Sometimes, toxic people will create a crisis to get your attention. They might claim they’re in trouble, sick, or in need of your help. While it’s natural to want to help someone in need, be cautious. If their crisis seems manufactured or overly dramatic, it’s probably a ploy to pull you back into their orbit.
7. They show up unexpectedly.
Toxic people might try to catch you off guard by showing up at your workplace, home, or favorite hangout spot. They may act as if it’s a coincidence, but it’s usually a calculated move to get your attention and potentially manipulate you into interacting with them. It’s important to maintain your boundaries and avoid engaging with them if you don’t feel comfortable.
8. They prey on your kindness and empathy.
Toxic people often know how to push your buttons. They might try to appeal to your good nature by reminding you of their struggles or vulnerabilities. They might even try to make you feel sorry for them. Remember, empathy is a valuable trait, but it shouldn’t be exploited. Don’t let their attempts to guilt-trip you or play on your emotions cloud your judgment.
9. They try to reconnect through shared memories.
Toxic people might try to rekindle your connection by reminiscing about the good times you shared. They might send you old photos, bring up inside jokes, or remind you of special moments. This can be especially effective if you’re feeling nostalgic or lonely. However, it’s important to remember that these memories don’t erase their toxic behavior.
10. They offer empty promises.
They might promise to change, to be better, to never hurt you again. But these promises are often hollow and insincere. Toxic people are notorious for repeating their harmful patterns, so don’t be fooled by their words. Actions speak louder than words, and their past behavior is a much better predictor of their future behavior than their empty promises.
11. They test your boundaries.
Toxic people might push your boundaries to see how far they can go. They might start with small requests or seemingly harmless interactions, gradually escalating their behavior if you don’t push back. It’s crucial to maintain your boundaries and not give them an inch. If they don’t respect your limits, they don’t deserve a place in your life.
12. They use flattery and manipulation.
Toxic people are skilled manipulators. They might shower you with compliments, praise your accomplishments, or tell you how much they miss you. They may even try to make you feel special or irreplaceable. Don’t fall for their charm offensive. It’s just another tactic to lower your guard and regain your trust.
13. They try to isolate you from your support system.
Toxic people often try to isolate you from your friends and family. They might criticize your loved ones, sow seeds of doubt about their intentions, or create drama to keep you distracted and preoccupied. This isolation can make you more vulnerable to their manipulation. Stay connected with your support system and don’t let them drive a wedge between you and the people who care about you.
14. They exploit your weaknesses.
Toxic people are experts at identifying and exploiting your weaknesses. They know your triggers, your insecurities, and your vulnerabilities. They might use this knowledge to manipulate you, guilt-trip you, or make you doubt yourself. Remember your strengths and don’t let them use your weaknesses against you.
15. They gaslight you.
Medical News Today describes gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation in which the toxic person makes you question your own sanity, memory, or perception of reality. They might deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. If you feel like you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or doubting your own experiences, it’s possible you’re being gaslighted.
