Wouldn’t it be great if you could notice that someone’s not suitable for you right away? Well, you can! Although some red flags only show up when you get to know someone on a deep level, there are others that can be on display right from when you go on a first date. By noticing them, you can spare yourself future heartache. Here are 15 examples of red flags to pay attention to!
1. They lie on their dating profile.
At first glance, it might not seem like a big deal when you meet someone on a dating app and later realize they lied to you about something in their profile, such as their height, appearance, or career. But it’s worth paying attention to it. If they’re lying about little things to impress you, what else are they going to lie to you about? While you might not want to stop dating them over this, it’s worth confronting them about it.
2. They call all their exes “crazy.”
It’s always a bad sign when the person you’re dating tells you negative things about every single ex they dated. It makes you suspicious because they’re painting themselves as a love martyr or victim, instead of talking about what they learned from their previous relationships or how they’ve grown from them. Listen, if their exes were all bad, it really says something about them—what’s wrong with them to be attracting such toxic people? Hmmm.
3. They’re too busy to fit you in for a date.
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Everyone’s got a lot going on, but it’s a red flag if someone can’t make any effort to fit you in. You probably want to ask them why they’re on the market if they’re not going to have enough time for a relationship anyway! Someone who’s always claiming to be “too busy to hang” could be leading you on or keeping you around as an option instead of making you a priority.
4. They love saying, “It was just a joke.”
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Someone who enjoys teasing you in a hurtful way isn’t having fun with you—they’re trying to belittle you with their so-called jokes. When you confront them, they might try to make light of their behavior, such as by saying they’re just kidding around. It’s unacceptable. If you never get the urge to laugh when they make these “jokes,” the person is being mean to you. And, their behavior is just going to get worse over time.
5. They get angry when you can’t meet up.
When you start dating someone, there might be times when you’re unavailable to see them. Hey, it happens. How the person reacts to this tells you a lot about who they are and if they’re worth giving a rain check to. If they throw a temper tantrum to make your five-year-old nephew envious or they argue with you, they clearly have deeper issues they’re dealing with that shouldn’t become your problem. Entitlement, anyone?
6. They want to meet your parents right away.
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While you might think it’s sweet that your new partner is eager to meet your family and loved ones, it can be a red flag if they haven’t taken the time to know you first. They could be rushing through the dating milestones because they’re love-bombing you, not because they feel a real connection. Or, perhaps they’re trying a little too hard to impress you so you let them into your life, but they’ve got to slow down! Rushing is always a red flag, which brings us to the next point.
7. They want to define things after the first date.
Another red flag that the person is rushing into a relationship is if they want to call themselves your boyfriend/girlfriend soon after meeting you. This is alarming because it shows how desperate they are to get into a relationship. They might be worried that if you continue getting to know them without being their official partner, you’ll see things that put you off and run away. It’s common for manipulators, such as narcissists, to put a label on the relationship early on so they can find it easier to control you.
8. They don’t reflect on what you say.
If someone you’re dating never seems to listen to what you say and wants to turn the conversation back onto themselves, it’s a red flag that they’re self-absorbed and lack empathy. They might look like they’re paying attention when you talk about yourself but then change the subject. Or, they might not take the time to pause and reflect on your words. They need a course in active listening to become better partners.
9. They only want to meet you at the pub.
Getting into a relationship with someone who’s got a drinking problem can easily become a nightmare. Shortly after meeting them, the person might do things that hint at possible issues, like if they always skip coffee dates in favor of spending time with you at the pub where they can get totally drunk. Although bar-hopping can be fun at first, it will become tiring. Clearly, they’re more interested in partying and drinking than forming a real connection with you.
10. They love last-minute dates.
Although spontaneous dates can be exciting because they mean the person’s thinking of you, if someone only cares about making plans at the last minute, it’s a bad sign. They might only get in touch when they have nothing else going on or when someone else has bailed on their plans. They’re showing you that you’re not a priority in their life and they don’t want to commit to future plans because they don’t see a future with you.
11. They only take you on group dates.
When the person you’re dating suggests hanging out with their friends, it might feel flattering that they want you to get to know their loved ones. But it’s a red flag if their friends are always around and you never get to spend one-on-one time with your partner. They might be trying to avoid building emotional closeness with you, so they keep you at a distance while still having fun. Ugh. If you’re looking for a relationship, this can feel like they’re wasting your time.
12. They don’t share your relationship goals.
If you and your partner don’t have the same relationship ambitions, this is a red flag that you’re wasting your time and energy on the wrong person. Maybe you want a committed relationship but they want to focus on having fun and keeping things casual. Or, perhaps you want quality time together but they’re more interested in flying solo. It’s essential to share your relationship goals early on so you know if you’re in sync and headed in the same direction, or not.
13. They give you mixed messages.
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Someone who truly cares about you is going to be clear and consistent with their feelings. By comparison, someone who’s a walking red flag will give you mixed messages. They’ll blow hot and cold, showing interest in you one minute and then avoiding you the next. They do this because they’re not sure about dating you. Waiting around for them or trying to change them will just lead to dashed hopes. If they wanted you, they’d be clear and honest about it right from the start!
14. They give you a weird vibe.
Sometimes the red flag in a relationship isn’t something concrete. Instead, it might be a gut feeling that something’s “off.” Maybe you can sense the person isn’t being completely honest with you or you don’t feel comfortable in their presence. Whatever the case, it’s worth exploring this feeling and seeing what happens, while guarding your heart. Your intuition is trying to tell you something, don’t ignore it!
15. They don’t compromise.
Someone who doesn’t meet you halfway in a relationship is showing you that they’re not committed to making things work. They might be going with the motions because they don’t want to emotionally invest in the relationship. Or, they might be selfish and want everything their way, which will cause you to give without getting anything in return. Without compromise, a relationship will end up lacking mutual respect and cooperation. It’s not worth it.
