There’s nothing wrong with being nostalgic for times gone by, but when that’s all you ever think or talk about, it can cause issues with your relationships and internally. Some people may be living in the past and not even realize it. Here are some behaviors that prove a person has some past ties it might be time to let go of.
1. They tend to dwell on past events.
People who live in the past may spend much time discussing past events and experiences. They may analyze each moment of specific experiences to determine why things turned out the way they did. It’s hard for them to move on, especially from experiences that caused major life shake-ups. Then again, they may also dwell on the good times and wish they could relive those events.
2. They try hard to hang onto past relationships (even to their own detriment).
It can be hard to let go of people, but if they’ve already moved on, finding a way to do so yourself is essential. For those who tend to dwell on the past frequently, keeping tight relationships with high school friends and past loves allows them to continue living in the past. However, people change over time, Refinery29 reminds us, and even the friendships that last may not be the same as they once were.
3. They spend a lot of time feeling regret.
People with an unhealthy attachment to the past may regret the things they missed out on or their decisions. Rather than trying to make things happen in the present, they focus on what didn’t happen in the past. They find it difficult to move on and let go.
4. Change is tough for them.
Change isn’t always easy for everyone, but change is even harder to stomach for those who dwell in the past. They live in the past in their minds and souls, so focusing on what’s going on now isn’t easy because it’s not what they know. Think of it this way: Someone who spends too much time in the past may prefer talking on the phone to texting and may still have a home phone because they find using cell phones awkward.
5. They hold grudges.
If you hold grudges forever and ever, you may be living in the past. While forgiving isn’t always easy, it can help us move on and let go of things holding us back. It’s okay to remember what someone did to you so you don’t let it happen again, but you don’t have to think about it daily.
6. They often bring up nostalgic life events.
Have you ever gotten together with an old friend from school, and all they wanted to do was talk about the “good ol’ days”? They’re likely stuck living in their glory days and find it hard to accept the reality of today and adulthood. If you only ever want to talk about the past, that can get old for the people who are part of your present.
7. They prefer to stay in their comfort zone.
While many things can make a person not want to move out of their comfort zone, like anxiety or being an introvert, this could also be a sign that they’re too busy living in the past. Perhaps you like the familiarity of how you’ve always done things, so you’d prefer to keep doing them that way. When we step out of that comfort zone, we get a chance to live more and learn new things.
8. They spend much time comparing the past and the present.
Do you remember how easy things were in the past? So does the person who is still living there in their mind. You may talk about how different politics or stores were when you were younger or use old terms that are no longer politically correct because “We didn’t think of those things in the past — and life was much easier for it.” Sure, it’s easy for you, but not for everyone.
9. They seem to have a selective memory.
When you’re busy glorifying the past, it can be easy to gloss over or completely ignore the bad times from back then. To idolize this previous time in your life, you spend all of your energy remembering the good and blocking out the bad. But, like today, there were both good and bad things back then.
10. They often refer to things in the past tense.
If you think things were great in the past, and life was easier back then, and you were happier a decade or more ago, you’re giving off vibes that you’re stuck in the past because everything is past tense. It was, they were … You struggle to be in the “now” when things are still happening, and life may be good if you spend a little time in the present. Perhaps it’s time to let go of what has happened and make new memories.
11. They have a knack for reliving the past emotionally.
There’s sometimes more to living in the past than simply thinking about the good times. Some people spend time reliving the emotional parts of their past, both the good and bad. Current experiences could also trigger those memories and make it even harder for you to move on.
12. They describe past eras as always better than the current ones.
We get that times are tough for some right now, but look how far we’ve come. For some stuck in the past, it’s all about the eras that have gone by. Perhaps they miss the free love of the 60s and 70s or the hairbands of the 80s, and their entire life revolves around that music, culture, and clothing. It’s okay to be who you want to be, but it’s important to step out of the past and pay attention to what’s happening in the world.
13. It’s difficult for them to make goals for the future.
When you live in the past, it’s hard to focus on worrying about what will happen in the future. You’re not ready to accept that time is still marching on, whether you want it to or not. Instead of looking forward to what changes may happen in your life and the world, you’d rather focus on what already has happened and what you’re losing as time keeps ticking away.
14. They may avoid present issues.
Not only do you not want to think about the future, but you also don’t want to deal with what is happening right now. Perhaps you’re struggling with a health condition, but rather than get help, you’d prefer to focus on when you were healthier and live as though nothing has changed. You remember how free being a child was, so now you avoid your responsibilities and live as though you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Of course, living this way is going to catch up with you in a negative manner over time.
15. They still prefer their entertainment choices of the past.
Again, those living in the past idolize many things from the decades they grew up in and miss. If you live in the past, your home and wardrobe may reflect that. You’re probably not the type to pick up magazines and read websites about current trends because you prefer past ones.
16. They express fears of what the future holds.
There’s more about the future that frightens you than making goals—you don’t trust it. Perhaps you live in fear of all the new technology and think the simpler times of the past were better. Unfortunately for you, things will keep growing and changing right in front of you. You can choose to stay in the past or find a way to embrace what the future may hold.
17. Personal growth is difficult for them.
Our personal growth as humans is important. It’s how we evolve and grow into ourselves. When you’re stuck in the past, you’re inhibiting your growth, and you may still be seen by the people around you as acting like a child or a teenager, even in your 30s, 40s, and beyond.
