Knowing how to apologize is a vital skill. And, as an adult, if you haven’t mastered it, that’s a problem. That said… there are also times not to apologize. If you haven’t mastered this skill, that’s also a problem. There are times when an apology isn’t just unnecessary, but it can even diminish who you are as a person. Here are some real-life scenarios where you should never say “sorry”:
1. Taking Credit For Your Achievements
Being humble is great. But it doesn’t mean that you absolve yourself of all credit for being good at something. It’s totally okay to acknowledge why you got that promotion. You don’t have to apologize or try to diminish your talent. There’s a difference between arrogance and self-awareness.
2. Upholding A Personal Boundary
There’s nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Nothing at all! You don’t have to apologize for saying “I will not be attending meetings on my lunch break,” or “I will not be accepting social invitations every night of the week.” You know what’s best for you. And you are free to set boundaries in order to care for yourself—no apology required!
3. When Your Children’s Best Interest Is At Stake
This is a big one, and thankfully gaining more traction. Moms of this generation are unapologetically standing up for their children by not allowing sick family members to visit, adhering to baby’s schedules instead of their mother-in-law’s dinner plans, etc. You should never feel as though you have to apologize for caring for your child. As a parent, that’s your job. Not keeping the extended family happy!
4. Politely Stating Your Opinion
I mean, you don’t get to be rude, or bigoted, but that’s obvious. If you’ve stated an opinion in a manner that’s loving, respectful, and polite, then you don’t have to be sorry. Other people’s disagreement does not oblige you to apologize, despite how our current internet “cancel culture” might make you feel.
5. Choosing Self Care
Sometimes you have to say no to others in order to engage in some healthy self-care. Maybe you say no to margarita night because you’re dealing with heavy family conflict. And you’d rather process in a healthy way rather than drink in your current emotional state. Don’t ever say sorry for this! You can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of yourself.
6. Leaving Toxic Situations
Toxic people, especially ones actively causing you harm, don’t get apologies. The boyfriend that’s been emotionally abusing you? Not. The girlfriend that’s isolated and manipulated you? Don’t you dare tell them “sorry” for anything—just get yourself gone!
7. Making Decisions Apart From Parents
We get it. Sometimes your parents really just want to help. They’ve been guiding you your whole life, and it can be hard to leave that role behind. So you should be compassionate here, but you don’t need to apologize. By making a decision on your own, by deciding what’s best for you (because you know yourself best), you haven’t done anything wrong. This is a natural part of growing up. Be kind, but don’t be apologetic.
8. Maintaining Personal Values
You don’t have to apologize to your child for your “no social media before 16” rule, or to your coworkers for your faith. As long as your values come from a place of love, and don’t dehumanize/harm anyone else, you don’t have to apologize for them. It’s okay to believe what you believe, and it’s okay to stand by that!
9. Expressing Your Needs
You should never apologize for asking for what you need! You should never feel bad for communicating to your partner, “Hey, I need to spend a little more quality time with you,” or for using your PTO to take your mind off of work. You matter. Your needs matter. And often the only way to get your needs met is to express them. So do it without apology.
10. Asking For What You Deserve
There’s a phrase going around social media lately, telling people to “act their wage.” And it makes sense. If you’re being asked to give more of yourself to a job, you need to ask for appropriate compensation. There’s nothing wrong with that! Likewise, you deserve to be treated a certain way in your relationships, and you shouldn’t apologize for asking for it. Know your worth!
11. Being Yourself
You are who you are, and you are that way for a reason! You don’t have to apologize for not fitting the “mold”. It’s more than okay to be a bit of a black sheep. Being “different” isn’t any kind of wrongdoing against society. You should never apologize for being your wonderful, amazing self!
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