Difficult people are hard to be around. They make you wonder where you should draw the line for inexcusable behaviors, but you might start to wonder how much their mental health plays a role in how they treat people. An undiagnosed condition could mean they can get help. These are a few signs that one person in your life isn’t difficult — they might just have a personality disorder.
1. They have family members with personality disorders.
Medical experts define various personality disorders by three clusters known as groups A, B and C. These groups may share overlapping symptoms, but others are unique to the individual cluster. However, a genetic history of personality disorders is common in all of them. The first sign that someone isn’t just difficult is if other people in their family have a diagnosed disorder.
2. They’re always suspicious of people without cause.
Paranoia accompanies many personality disorders, so it may explain why someone you know is always suspicious of other people. They don’t even need a legitimate reason to feel that way. Suspicion feels self-protective, so it becomes an instinct rather than a reaction.
3. They rarely put their full trust in people.
Relationships always require trust. You have to know your partner won’t judge you when you open up or break their promises. People with personality disorders don’t extend that level of trust to anyone because their condition makes them suspicious or paranoid before anyone does anything actually harmful.
4. They act coldly toward everyone.
When someone encounters a cold person, they will likely keep their distance. Cold individuals aren’t easy to talk with and might make you uncomfortable. This attitude drives people away, which eases the suspicious or paranoid mindset in people with personality disorders.
5. They think people are out to get them.
A person with severe paranoia may develop the firm belief that people are out to get them. Everything becomes proof that they have to push people away. It could lead to behaviors that make them seem difficult, like rude comments or social avoidance.
6. They prefer spending time alone.
Introverted people recharge their social batteries with a bit more alone time after socializing than extroverted people. That’s absolutely fine, but eventually even the most introverted person returns to socialize with family members or their best friend. People with personality disorders may never willingly engage in social events because they don’t trust anyone.
7. They only show a handful of emotions.
It’s difficult to feel happy when you expect heartbreak, betrayal or personal attacks around every corner. Personality disorders make people show only a few emotions, like fear or anger. It’s a clear sign that something is preventing that person from enjoying the full range of human emotions, even if they only have depression.
8. They hold on to grudges longer than most people.
Grudges are another way people feel safe. Bitterness isn’t fun to hold on to, but it can become a protective shield. If you never move on from the way someone hurt you in the past, that person can’t hurt you the same way again. Maybe other people won’t either because you’re on alert.
Individuals with personality disorders hold on to grudges for similar reasons. They just might have the same strong emotional reaction to an unintended slight and an intentional attack.
9. They suspect every partner is unfaithful to them.
Unfortunately, many people know what it’s like to discover their partner cheating on them. It’s natural to keep that experience in mind when you’re looking for red flags in new relationships, like possessiveness over your time or social plans. Someone with an undiagnosed personality disorder may not even need someone to cheat on them to suspect unfaithful acts because their condition makes them paranoid.
10. They get extremely angry when minor slights occur.
Emotional regulation is much more challenging when your brain doesn’t let you feel joy or safety in social settings. It can cause some people to get furious over minor slights, like unintentionally stepping into their path.
11. They respond to voices no one else can hear.
Auditory hallucinations are common among personality disorders, especially for those with a schizotypal diagnosis. Someone talking back to voices no one else can hear likely has an undiagnosed condition that requires professional help.
12. They don’t pick up on social cues.
There are tons of reasons why people struggle with social cues. They may have been too sheltered as a kid, been diagnosed with a condition like autism, or simply struggle with communication. However, if someone doesn’t understand social cues and has some of these other symptoms, they could have a personality disorder. The disorder makes socializing more difficult because they’re expecting rejection or personal attacks.
13. They never find any hobbies or activities they enjoy.
When people feel unsafe, they react in one of four ways: fight, flight, fawn or freeze. Those reactions consume your energy because your nervous system just wants you to survive. An individual with a paranoid personality disorder may never try relaxing hobbies because their brain thinks relaxing will endanger them.
14. Their sex life is non-existent.
Not enjoying sex is not an immediate sign of a personality disorder. Some people are asexual and just aren’t into it. Others might be recovering from traumatic experiences, dealing with body image issues or low self-esteem.
However, if someone has partners, never does anything remotely physical with them and doesn’t consider themselves asexual, they could have an underlying personality disorder. It’s a symptom of never trusting people or wanting to let someone else into their private life.
15. They have overwhelming social anxiety.
You wouldn’t want to be around people if you thought everyone was out to harm you, emotionally or otherwise. Personality disorders make people have overwhelming social anxiety. Even if it’s just their loving parent inviting them to lunch, the thought of being around someone could scare an undiagnosed individual to the point of isolation.
16. They think their thoughts can affect the world around them.
Altered perceptions of reality correlate with unique coping mechanisms. Someone with a personality disorder might think they can’t ask for help if they feel paranoid. Their brain copes with that situation by inventing internal mechanisms that supposedly ward off danger, like imagining that their thoughts can affect the real world or that repeated actions will protect them.
17. They expect people to abandon them.
Fearing abandonment is something people with and without personality disorders experience. Cognitive behavioral therapy can ease this condition if you’re ready to work through it. However, those with personality disorders may not want to. They could view abandonment as a guaranteed future event, so expecting it is a survival tactic. They won’t suffer as much if they’re ready for abandonment when it occurs.
18. They engage in self-destructive tendencies.
Negative emotions like anger build with time. If you don’t feel safe enough to express your anger externally, the brain directs it internally. Paranoid individuals who never feel safe could do that by developing self-destructive tendencies. Gambling habits and addictions may occur. Other actions like self-harm can also release pent-up anger and fear.
Someone with an undiagnosed personality disorder might also hold on to anger issues that drive people away. The lack of social support is another form of self-destruction. It depends on what each person finds self-soothing.
