People with high emotional intelligence (EQ) are often some of the most self-aware and understanding individuals around. But not every trait they possess is universally celebrated. In fact, most people might see these quirks as pesky flaws. However, these so-called “unpopular” traits might be the secret sauce to your off-the-charts emotional intelligence.
1. Brutal honesty
People with a high EQ don’t sugarcoat things – they say what they mean and mean what they say. Authenticity is a great trait, but there is such a thing as being honest to a fault. Sometimes, the truth hurts, and you deliver it anyway. Brutal honesty doesn’t sit well with everyone. As Jack Nicholson famously declared, “You can’t handle the truth!”
2. Hypervigilance
Hypervigilance is characterized by heightened awareness of surroundings and the emotions of those around them. People with high emotional intelligence have a keen sensitivity to subtle cues and changes in body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, or any shift in energy. Hypervigilance is used to anticipate potential conflicts and navigate social and environmental dynamics with ease. It gets to be emotionally taxing. If you have a high EQ, you might find yourself constantly on guard for signs of tension or distress.
3. Being critical
To you, criticism is simply a chance to learn and improve. That’s why you can be overly critical of yourself and everyone around you. You don’t view criticism as insulting – just a way to help. However, most people don’t appreciate constant critiques, no matter how ‘constructive’ they are. Critical people aren’t usually well-received because, let’s face it, no one enjoys being picked apart.
4. Overthinking
Emotional intelligence begins with self- and social awareness, which is a knack for recognizing emotions and their impact on our thoughts. In other words, EQ is all about awareness both of self and others, per Verywell Mind. The thing is, being aware of our thoughts can lead to being obsessed with our thoughts. Ever catch yourself thinking about your thoughts? Then you’re thinking about the fact that you’re thinking about your thoughts? Yeah, it’s like that. High EQ gives us a lot to think about, which makes for a lot to unpack in our own brains. Frankly, it’s exhausting.
5. Letting too much slide
If your emotional intelligence is through the roof, you’re probably highly empathic. You can step into someone else’s shoes and understand why they are who they are and do what they do. This superpower makes it really easy to justify bad behavior and forgive easily. But you shouldn’t always let everything roll off your shoulders. Sometimes, it’s in your best interest to cut toxic folks out of your life. Letting everything slide can just invite more bad behavior your way. Forgiveness is golden, but not everything should be swept under the rug.
6. Despising small talk
If you have high emotional intelligence, small talk seems superficial. High EQ individuals crave meaningful and authentic connections more than trivial conversations about the weather or weekend plans. Small talk feels so insincere and unfulfilling. They want depth and substance! While they understand the social necessity of small talk in certain situations, they may struggle to engage in it wholeheartedly.
7. Long pauses
You take your time making decisions. You make sure to stop and think before you speak or act. Emotionally intelligent people understand that emotions are fleeting, and impulsive choices often lead to regrets. That’s why they always try to pause. In theory, pausing is easy; it’s a challenge in practice. If you’ve mastered this skill, it’s a clear sign of your high EQ. However, this habit not only requires your patience, but patience from those around you. People might think you’re just indecisive. They might get frustrated with your reluctance to make snap decisions. They might even get impatient when you don’t react on a whim. Pausing is a beneficial skill, but can be mistaken for just dragging your feet.
8. Saying “no” a lot
People with a high EQ are great at setting boundaries. They stick to their values and principles without budging. Like most people who hold firm boundaries, people with high emotional intelligence don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything. Unfortunately, people generally don’t like hearing the word no, even when it’s necessary for your own self-care.
9. Connecting with fictional characters
Those with high emotional intelligence have active imaginations and an ability to empathize with fictional characters in books, movies, or TV shows. Many can attest to being emotionally moved, even to tears, by the trials and tribulations of a fictional person. You know it’s not real, but the emotional resonance feels undeniably real. This might appear to be a weird trait in other people’s eyes, but this ability to deeply understand fictional narratives shows the deep emotional understanding of people with high EQ.
10. Nosiness
Emotionally intelligent folks are naturally curious about everyone around them. You love uncovering new tidbits about people because you know that, just like you, they have a rich inner world of their own. The more you learn about different types of people, the broader your understanding of the human experience. It’s okay to be curious, but don’t forget that curiosity killed the cat. Your inquisitiveness can come off as nosiness to other people. Asking too many personal questions to gain a deeper understanding can feel invasive. A lot of people don’t want you all up in their business. Maybe sometimes, stick to Googling the DSM-5 instead.
11. Manipulation
You can’t be a successful manipulator without some level of emotional intelligence, Inc. notes. EQ is a good thing, but it’s also a resource to take advantage of other people (which, if you didn’t already know, is generally a bad thing). People with a high EQ deeply understand human psychology, including the intricacies of persuasion and influence. This allows them to employ subtle tactics to navigate social situations and achieve desired outcomes. Master manipulators are usually very high in EQ.
12. Trying to control your own thoughts
High EQ people are acutely aware of their own thoughts and emotions. Thus, they strive to steer their mental processes. What might’ve been intended to be self-reflection and mindfulness can quickly turn into emotional intolerance and strict thought-discipline. Constant mental regulation can be exhausting, and the desire for self-control can get stressful. While this practice helps maintain emotional stability, it can definitely be a double-edged sword. The relentless effort to control every thought and feeling is overwhelming. Managing one’s inner world has to be a balance of awareness and acceptance.
13. Giving unwanted feedback
Emotionally intelligent people often have keen insights and a desire to help people grow. They feel like they should always offer their two cents, even when it’s not asked for. They think they’re being helpful, not realizing that unsolicited advice can come off as patronizing. The intentions are good, but the recipient might feel judged rather than supported. While giving unwanted feedback is tempting, you need to know when to share your wisdom and when to hold back.
14. Overanalyzing situations
Individuals with high EQ often have a sharp analytical mind. Overusing that analysis can lead to dissecting situations a bit too much. They have an inclination to delve deep into the complexities of various scenarios. They want to understand the underlying emotions, motives, and dynamics at play. While this can be valuable in making informed decisions, it can also lead to excessive rumination. They might find themselves replaying conversations or events in their mind, picking apart every word and gesture to decipher hidden meanings or potential outcomes. The tendency to overanalyze can sometimes cause heightened stress, indecision, or struggling to let go of minor details.
15. Preferring to be alone
People with high emotional intelligence often find solace and rejuvenation in solitude. They might enjoy meaningful connections, but they also cherish their alone time. Solitude provides them the opportunity for self-reflection, introspection, and time to recharge. They must process their emotions, thoughts, and experiences without external distractions. But the preference for being alone can be misunderstood by people who may perceive it as aloofness or being antisocial. Telling someone who wants to be social with you that you “don’t have time” can come off as deliberately ditching out on them. Really, it’s a choice to spend your time maintaining your emotional well-being and cultivating a deeper understanding of yourself.
