Do you ever feel like you’re constantly bending over backward to make everyone happy, even at the expense of your own needs? You’re not alone. People-pleasing is a common tendency, but it can often leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. It can be tough to recognize when you’re doing it, here are some telltale signs that you might be a people pleaser.
1. You avoid expressing your true opinions.
Maybe you keep quiet instead of disagreeing with someone in a meeting. Or you nod along with a friend’s opinion even if you don’t genuinely feel the same way. While a little diplomacy is important, constantly censoring your true thoughts might be a sign you’re afraid of being judged or disliked if people knew what you really believed.
2. You apologize excessively, even when it’s not your fault.
“I’m sorry” seems to be your default response, whether you bumped into someone by accident or your project was delayed due to circumstances beyond your control. You take on blame even when it doesn’t belong to you, hoping to smooth things over and avoid conflict.
3. You have trouble saying “no.”
Someone asks for a favor, and even if you’re swamped, you find it hard to decline. You worry about disappointing them or seeming unhelpful. This often leads to overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or burnt out, CNBC warns.
4. You put everyone else’s needs before your own.
Whether it’s sacrificing your free time to help a friend or agreeing to do a task you dislike just to please your boss, you consistently prioritize other people’s happiness over your own well-being. While being helpful is great, it becomes a problem when it’s at the expense of your own needs.
5. You feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
If someone is upset, you immediately feel like it’s your job to fix it, even if the situation is not your fault. You might try to cheer them up, offer solutions, or take on their burdens as your own. While empathy is important, remember that you’re not responsible for managing everyone else’s feelings.
6. You seek validation from anyone who will give it to you.
Your self-worth is heavily tied to what other people think of you. You constantly seek approval, compliments, and reassurance that you’re doing things right. This can lead to a cycle of seeking external validation instead of valuing your own judgment and self-worth.
7. You fear conflict and confrontation.
The thought of disagreements or tense conversations makes you anxious. You’d rather sweep issues under the rug or agree to something you’re not comfortable with than risk upsetting someone. While peace is important, avoiding conflict entirely can prevent you from addressing important issues and setting healthy boundaries.
8. You go out of your way to avoid criticism or disapproval.
You try to be the perfect friend, partner, employee, or family member, fearing that any misstep will lead to judgment or rejection. You might obsess over details, second-guess your decisions, or even try to anticipate and prevent any potential criticism before it arises.
9. You feel guilty when you prioritize your needs.
Taking time for yourself, whether it’s for relaxation, hobbies, or personal projects, can feel like a selfish act. You might feel guilty for not being available to other people or for putting your needs first. Remember, self-care is not selfish, it’s essential for maintaining your own well-being and preventing burnout.
10. You struggle to express negative emotions.
Anger, frustration, or disappointment are emotions you tend to bottle up rather than express. You fear that showing these emotions might upset people or damage relationships. This can lead to resentment and a buildup of unexpressed feelings, which can ultimately harm both you and your relationships.
11. You agree to things you don’t want to do.
Invitations to events you’re not interested in, projects you don’t have time for, or requests that simply don’t align with your values – you say yes even when your gut says no. You might feel trapped or resentful later, but the immediate relief of avoiding potential conflict seems more appealing in the moment.
12. You have difficulty asking for help.
Asking for help feels like admitting weakness or burdening anyone. You’d rather struggle on your own than risk appearing incompetent or needy. As the Harvard Business Review explains, this can lead to feeling overwhelmed and isolated, as you try to tackle everything by yourself.
13. You take on more responsibility than you can handle.
At work, in your relationships, or in social circles, you often volunteer for tasks or responsibilities even when your plate is already full. You worry that saying no will disappoint people or make you seem unreliable. This can lead to stress, exhaustion, and a feeling of constantly being stretched thin.
14. You feel uncomfortable when someone is angry with you.
Even if the anger is justified or understandable, you find it difficult to tolerate someone being upset with you. You might immediately apologize, try to placate them, or feel deeply ashamed. This can make it challenging to address conflicts or set healthy boundaries.
15. You change your behavior to fit in with different groups.
You might act differently around your friends than you do with your family, or you might alter your personality to match the expectations of different social circles. This constant shape-shifting can leave you feeling inauthentic and unsure of your true identity.
67. You find it difficult to relax and enjoy yourself.
Even during leisure time, you might feel guilty for not being productive or helping someone else. You might have trouble enjoying activities without feeling like you should be doing something else. This constant sense of obligation can prevent you from fully experiencing joy and relaxation.
