We’ve all had at least one friend who exudes kindness. Think of someone you always felt happy with, someone who could always brighten your day. These people often make everyone around them feel lighter and happier. Now, we don’t want to conflate kindness with toxic positivity. Genuinely kind people can always recognize that things are hard sometimes, and even they have their bad days. But they still try their best to display these behaviors and continue spreading kindness to others.
1. They can always make you smile.
A soft hug at just the right moment, a well-timed joke, a heartfelt compliment. Kind people always seem to know how to make you smile. You feel better around these people, and you feel like you can count on them whenever you need a boost to your mood.
2. They do small selfless acts.
Big things like donations, charity work, and helping you move are all selfless acts that kind people might take part in. But they also like to do small, selfless things every day. They pay for someone else’s coffee or share their lunch. The most important part is that they don’t brag about these acts, and don’t expect anything in return.
3. They listen to you when you talk.
Kind people don’t just pretend to listen, waiting for you to finish speaking. You can tell their attention is on you. They often ask follow-up questions or connect to your story with one of their own. They have a genuine curiosity and want to know more about you, your life, and your struggles. You always feel heard and supported talking to people like this.
4. They give random gifts, cards, and trinkets.
As part of small selfless acts, many people like spreading kindness in the form of gifts. Cards out of the blue, random letters in the mail, a cool rock they found, or a small paperweight they thought you’d like. There are so many ways that a person can make you smile—they usually know what you like, and might even time these trinkets to boost you when you’re feeling down.
5. They apologize when they make a mistake.
Genuinely kind people know how to own up to their wrongs. If they mess up, they don’t try to deny it or shift the blame onto someone else. They give a thoughtful apology, acknowledging what their mistake was and how it affected others. They’re open to learning and growing, and will often ask what they can do to help you feel better, or feel more cared for.
6. They’re understanding and have compassion.
Kind people know how important it is to feel understood and supported. When you’re struggling, they meet you with as much understanding as they can muster. They ask questions in order to comprehend your situation better. They give you grace and time. It feels like they really want to support you where you’re at. They’re compassionate, offering help, an open ear, hugs, or whatever else they can provide to help you feel better.
7. They demonstrate real empathy.
Empathy goes beyond just offering help; it is an attempt to really understand and relate to someone’s experiences. Do you have a friend who always seems to “get” you when you’re venting? Someone who tries to find ways to connect to what you’re going through so you feel less alone? That friend is practicing empathy. Empathy is very hard to fake, so you know this person cares about you deeply.
8. They don’t have ulterior motives.
Genuinely kind people don’t display good behaviors and selfless actions just to look good. They do it because they care about the people around them, and likely because it brings them a sense of joy. A kind friend isn’t just helping you because they want you to do something in return. They help you because they care, and that’s most important to them.
9. They’re kind to themselves.
It’s hard to spread kindness to others if you aren’t kind to yourself. That often results in burnout and a lack of support. Kind people try to display the same care for themselves, acknowledging their needs and limitations. They won’t help others if it would hurt themselves and only take on what they have the capacity for. They know that keeping themselves happy and healthy is the first step in helping others.
10. They don’t “score keep.”
Kind people tend to provide support without expecting anything from you. They know that relationships are a balance of give and take, and they trust that you’ll try to maintain that balance. So they don’t keep track of how many times they’ve bought you dinner, or say “Next time it’s your turn” afterward. You never have to feel guilty when they do selfless acts for you, because they don’t make you feel like you owe them anything.
11. Their compliments are genuine.
These people usually know what to say to really make you feel good. A compliment from them makes your heart feel warmer and your step lighter. They don’t give a generic phrase like “I like your hair.” They find something specific to comment on. “I really like how your hair looks in the sun,” or, “I think you chose a fantastic outfit today!”
12. They’re patient.
Patience might be a virtue, but it is also a skill that can be learned and practiced. People who spread kindness practice patience as much as they can. If their coffee order is late, they react with understanding rather than anger. They know that good things can take time, and they’re okay with waiting. This extends to relationships too, and they’re more likely to give you time and space when you need it.
13. They remember small details.
How else would they know what gifts, jokes, and compliments make you smile? Kind people pay close attention when you talk. If you’re really excited by a specific book series, they’ll try to ask about it. They know your favorite color, favorite meal, and favorite type of pen. These are the people who can remember your coffee order without asking.
14. They stand up for themselves and others.
Truly kind people aren’t willing to be bystanders. Yes, they try to spread joy, but when someone is being hurt they won’t let that slide. Still, they aren’t likely to respond with aggression unless it’s actually needed. Instead, they kindly remind the offender that they need to back down. This friend always has your back.
15. They try not to pass judgment too early.
Jumping to conclusions often leads to erroneous judgments and stalled conversations. Kind people try not to be judgmental and only choose to judge something (or someone) when they have enough information. They ask questions to learn more or even research on their own. Again, they won’t let harmful behavior go unaddressed, but they also try to understand both sides of an issue or debate.
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