Many people get frustrated when things continuously go wrong for them. However, where resilient people will reflect on their actions after a string of failures, people who play the victim will sulk and mope. They feel like the world is out to get them, rather than reflecting on what might be causing their string of bad luck. If you find yourself with people like this in your life, here are 16 perfect replies you can use with them.
1. “Will this help?”
If all someone does every day is complain, it’s worth asking them if their complaining will do anything to help them get out of their current predicament. Try to make them aware of their poor behavior, but in a gentle manner. If it’s clear that all they want to do is complain but not offer solutions, they’re wasting both of your time.
2. “Is it really that bad?”
Said in the wrong tone, this can be alienating and dismissive, so be mindful of this. Ask someone this in an empathetic manner. When they start to complain, encourage them to talk about how they feel. Ask them to delve deeper into the problem to determine if they’re blowing things out of proportion.
3. “What are you good at?”
When someone feels hopeless because of a string of bad luck, it can be a good idea to help them look at things they’re good at. Help them see that just because they’ve failed at a few things doesn’t mean they’re a failure as a person.
4. “Do you want to know what I’d do?”
Sometimes when people complain, they aren’t looking for solutions. So, you should ask them if they want any help or advice. Try not to be controlling by immediately jumping in and telling them what to do because that can be rude. Instead, ask them if they want you to share your experiences and how you would approach their situation.
5. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
If the person complaining is your friend or a family member, it’s good to acknowledge their pain. Even if you’re frustrated with their complaining, you should still be empathetic. Show that you sympathize with them, but don’t apologize for things you haven’t done. People who play the victim will try to shift the blame to you.
6. “Why do you feel that way?”
It can be helpful to ask the person complaining why they feel how they feel. This encourages them to delve deeper into their problems and thought processes. Getting to the root of the problem will help them find a solution sooner.
7. “I can listen if you want to vent.”
Sometimes people just need to vent. It’s problematic if it’s all the time, but if this person doesn’t complain about everything, it’s ok to let them have their moment. Tell them that you’re there to listen if they just want to vent about the situation. Accept that they aren’t ready to help themselves and be a good listener.
8. “Sorry to change the subject, but…”
It can be exhausting to listen to someone complain all the time. So, if you’re at your limit, apologize and change the topic of conversation. Doing so is a subtle method of helping people realize that they’re complaining too much. It can help them reflect and not put their problems on other people as much.
9. “Maybe you should…”
If it doesn’t feel like the conversation is going anywhere, you should try to offer suggestions. For example, if they’re always complaining about another person, suggest that they talk to them to clear the air. This encourages a problem-solving mindset that’s healthier than a victim one.
10. “I have a few minutes, let’s talk.”
When people complain a lot, it’s important to establish boundaries. Tell them that you can talk for a few minutes, you aren’t going to sit there and listen to them complain for hours. You’re willing to help them if they’re willing to be helped, but not if they just want to complain about the same things over and over again.
11. “I wish I could help, but I can’t.”
When someone is stuck in victim mode, they might try to get you involved in their problems. Unfortunately, this doesn’t really work if they aren’t willing to help themselves. So, you can tell them that although you’d like to help, you can’t do it until they’re willing to help themselves.
12. “We can talk if you want to brainstorm solutions.”
Another way to reply to someone who just wants to complain is to let them know that you’re willing to talk, but only if they want to brainstorm solutions. Tell them that you don’t want to talk to them anymore if all they want to do is complain. This helps you avoid getting caught up in a negative cycle.
13. “I can’t solve this problem for you.”
It’s ok to help your friends, but if you’re always helping them, it can start to feel like you’re getting taken advantage of. Sometimes you need to take a tough love approach and tell them that you can’t help them with a problem, they need to figure it out on their own. Tell them that they need to take responsibility for their issues.
14. “We’re going in circles here.”
When someone gets into a victim mindset, it can start to feel like they’re going in circles and repeating things over and over again. Tell them that it feels like the conversation isn’t going anywhere, and you don’t want to continue. This might help them realize that they aren’t making any progress.
15. “Do you want to fix the problem?”
Sometimes it can help to take a direct approach with people who always play the victim. Ask them if they even want a solution to their problem, or if they just want to complain. Direct responses like this can help people climb out of their problems rather than expecting people to bail them out.
16. “I care about you, but you need to change your mindset.”
When someone is always playing the victim, sometimes you need to take a step back and help them with their entire mindset. This person might not even realize how much they’re complaining. So, tell them that you care about them, but they need to change how they think about things. Tell them that the way they’ve been approaching things isn’t working, and it has to change.
