Although narcissists want to avoid appearing vulnerable because they see it as a sign of weakness, sometimes their mask of confidence slips. They might let you in on their fears or anxieties, but that doesn’t mean you should drop your guard around them. Their emotional expression is usually mixed in with their need to manipulate you, such as by eliciting sympathy from you. Here are 15 statements narcissists will typically say to make you see them as honest and open.
1. “I feel like no one understands me.”
Since narcissists struggle to maintain relationships, they can feel misunderstood at times. But, instead of seeing what they do to hurt people, they act like the victim in the situation, thinking people are cruel to them. Sometimes, if a narcissist is love-bombing you, they might say “I feel like no one understands me” as a precursor to saying that you’re the only one who “gets” them. It’s manipulative to make you think that you’re special to them.
2. “I don’t feel like I’m good enough for anyone.”
Narcissist are insecure, Psychology Today notes, which is why they overcompensate by boasting about their accomplishments or expecting special treatment. When they say that they don’t feel good enough for anyone, it’s really their victim mentality coming to the fore. They’re feeling sorry for themselves as a way to fish for compliments. They want you to say that you think they’re good enough, as this validates them.
3. “I’m always the one who has to fix things.”
If a narcissist tells you this, they might seem to be opening up to you by expressing disappointment with how they always have to make an effort with people. They want to appear to be vulnerable so that you feel bad for how they work so hard or are so giving. The truth is that they’re never the one to fix problems — narcissists are always the ones to blame other people and deflect responsibility!
4. “I can’t trust anyone.”
When a narcissist expresses difficulty in trusting people, this is really an expression of how much they fear vulnerability. Being rejected or abandoned by people is the worst thing that can happen to them because they crave external validation. But, it’s good to remember that narcissists also project their own traits onto others. So, by saying they can’t rely on people, it could be reflecting their lack of honesty.
5. “Please don’t ever hurt me.”
When you’re spending time with your narcissistic partner, and they give you a sad look before saying, “Please don’t ever hurt me,” you might see it as a sign that they really love you. Sure, they’re expressing their fear of being rejected, but they’re not saying that they’ll never hurt you. They want your pity and love, but they’re expressing vulnerability to manipulate you.
6. “I’m afraid to fail.”
Narcissists despise making mistakes or not getting what they want because it makes them feel inferior. They have a deep-seated desire to be in control and feel superior to everyone else. When they express that they don’t want to fail, they’re showing vulnerability. But, there is usually some manipulation attached to the statement. Admitting their fear can make them seem self-aware and humble, which provides them with more admiration from everyone around them.
7. “Why can’t we just forget about the past?”
During an argument, a narcissist might try to deflect blame and avoid the situation by saying they want to forget about what happened. They might say this in an exasperated way, as though you’re giving them a hard time and they need a break. While this can come across as vulnerable or like they want to start the relationship on a clean slate, they’re really saying this to get themselves out of the sticky situation of being confronted.
8. “I’m like this because my parents were mean to me.”
If you confront a narcissist for their selfish or cruel behavior, they might react by opening up about why they display such traits. They might say, “I’m like this because my parents were mean to me” to make you feel guilty for attacking them. Although the mistreatment they endured can be real, mentioning it can also be a manipulative way to tug on your heartstrings.
9. “Why do good things happen to other people and not me?”
If a narcissist hears about someone else’s success, they might express disappointment that they never achieve their own. This displays their extreme need to be superior to everyone else and their deep-seated insecurity that they try to hide from the world. Sometimes, instead of expressing upset or sadness, they might express angry, as though the world is out to get them or the universe is unfair to them.
10. “I try so hard.”
Narcissists genuinely believe that they’re good people, so it’s frustrating when they treat you badly and then express how hard they try to make you happy. It can make your head spin! It really doesn’t help that they lack the self-awareness to see situations from your perspective. And, if you try to make them aware of what they’re doing, they’ll lash out or become defensive.
11. “I feel like everyone’s looking at me.”
When you spend time with a narcissist in public, they might express shyness or self-consciousness. This might make you feel like they’re in tune with their feelings and insecurities, but deep down they think they’re better than everyone and are quite self-absorbed. This is classic behavior of a vulnerable narcissist who isn’t as blatant about their need for attention, but certainly wants it, per Verywell Mind.
12. “I feel so useless.”
When a narcissist feels rejected, they’ll become defensive or indulge in self-pity. They might even tell you that they feel like they’re useless or unlovable, which could be genuine. But, it’s important to realize that they’re perceiving the situation in a negative, victimized way because they’re so hypersensitive to other people’s criticism and can’t handle it. By telling you they feel useless, they’re hoping you’ll boost their ego by praising them.
13. “I can’t believe I always get blamed for everything.”
It’s common for narcissists to play the victim card, trying to gain sympathy and attention from people. They might genuinely believe that everyone else is to blame for everything because they lack empathy, making it difficult to understand other people’s perspectives. If they don’t see how they hurt people, but instead emphasize how they feel wronged, it’s a way of manipulating people.
14. “Let’s just focus on the good.”
When a narcissist tells you that they want to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship instead of the conflict, you might feel like they’re opening up about how much the relationship means to them. But that’s not really the case. How much they like you depends on what they can get from the relationship. So, when saying this statement, they’re showing some superficial vulnerability to make you believe that they’re going to fight for the relationship. But they’re not.
15. “I’m only acting this way because I’m scared to lose you.”
This statement is both manipulative and genuinely vulnerable. On the one hand, the narcissist is scared to lose you because they need you to validate them, and they don’t want to be abandoned. However, on the other hand, they’re using this vulnerability to manipulate you into excusing their behavior. They’re trying to get you to comply with their demands and forgive their behavior.
