Everyone knows at least one introvert, and it can take a while to really get to know them. Unlike more outgoing people, they don’t talk a lot about themselves and can be pretty silent sometimes. As a result, their behavior can come across as harsh and unfriendly. If an introvert acts a certain way, the people in their life might think they’re being mean, but they’re actually just leaning into their true nature.
1. They sit alone when eating lunch at work.
Introverts know the many benefits of being a lifelong reader and might spend their lunch hour with a book or listening to a podcast. While their coworkers might think they’re being rude because they’re not chatting with everyone in the cafeteria or break room, they just want some time to decompress from the morning. Instead of thinking they don’t want to talk to anyone, their colleagues should think they just want some time to themselves. It’s definitely not personal.
2. They take a break during parties and go outside/stand in the corner.
While some introverts might hate parties and turn down every birthday party or holiday invitation, that’s not true of everyone. But introverts might need to take a moment away from the crowd because they feel a little stressed out or anxious. While others might think they’re being impolite, they want to take a break so they can catch their breath.
3. They don’t always chat with strangers, coworkers, or acquaintances.
It might seem rude for an introvert to avoid having brief or long conversations with people they run into from time to time. However, an introvert’s refusal to talk about the weather or what they have going on that weekend isn’t a sign of rudeness. They might be thinking about a work project or upcoming trip. They don’t mean any harm, they just don’t feel like having surface-level chats.
4. They wear headphones or read when a plane/train seatmate tries to engage in them in conversation.
Wondering why the person sitting in the next plane or train seat puts on their earphones or takes out a book when trying to get to know them? While they might seem prickly, they might just be a quiet person. They might also be nervous or insecure about talking to strangers, which is definitely fair.
5. They have trouble opening up unless they really know someone.
Someone might wonder why the introvert they befriended three months ago won’t talk about their love life or share much about their childhood, which was unhappy. It might seem like they’re being mean and refusing to let someone in. The truth is, they need to feel comfortable and safe with someone before they can talk about their feelings or past experiences. It might be a little while before they’re willing to have a more vulnerable conversation.
6. They say hi or smile, but don’t always stop to talk to people they know.
It might seem harsh when someone runs into an acquaintance or coworker at the farmers market on a Saturday morning and doesn’t want to have a long conversation. But if they’re an introvert, they might not be in the mood to chat, or they might feel a bit shy. It doesn’t mean they don’t like someone or never want to talk to them again. It’s just not the right time. If someone finds themselves in this situation with an introvert, they can rest assured knowing it doesn’t mean anything bad.
7. They don’t speak up in meetings.
An introvert’s coworkers or manager might wonder why they stay quiet during meetings and don’t seem to want to share ideas. They’re a valued employee who is great at their job, so why are they so silent? While others might think they seem uninterested in their colleagues, they’re focusing hard and listening intently. It’s not in their nature to be chatty when a lot of other people are around.
8. They sometimes seem like they’re not paying attention.
It’s easy to be frustrated with an introvert because when grabbing dinner or coffee with them, it might seem like they’re off in another world. Although this might seem insulting, they’re not trying to be rude. Maybe they’re thinking about something that’s bothering them, or they just can’t help their minds from wandering. Introverts are thoughtful people who
9. They mention an upcoming social plan but don’t invite someone.
Being friends with an introvert might mean chatting about weekend plans and realizing that while they mentioned hosting a casual get-together or going to a bar with a group of pals, they didn’t extend an invitation. While this might seem mean, it’s really not. They have their reasons and they’re not trying to exclude anyone. They might not think of inviting any more people because they’re preparing themselves for a big social plan. They’re also more comfortable in smaller groups and might want to keep the guest list down.
10. They leave social plans or parties early.
Even the most fun birthday bash or annual Christmas party with all their good friends can be a little much for an introvert. If they want to call it a night a few hours before everyone else, it might seem like they’re insulting the host or trying to ruin the fun. Instead, they’re tired and their social battery has run out. While others might not always understand, introverts are great at following their gut instincts and listening to what they need.
11. They don’t text back right away (or answer phone calls).
An introvert might need a minute before texting back a friend about getting together or sharing what’s going on in their life. They might also let phone calls from family members go to voicemail. They don’t intend to be rude, they just sometimes struggle to balance communicating with others with their much-needed “me time” and, of course, all the other things they have going on.
12. They need alone time during group vacations or a couples trip.
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The point of traveling with other people is sharing the experience, having fun, and talking all the time, right? While an introvert likes a good time as much as everyone else does, they need to be able to relax and rest away from a crowd, even if they’re on an amazing beach vacation with their closest friends. The same thing is true if they and their partner go away to a cute nearby town for the weekend. If they can take a bath and read or go for a walk by themselves, they’ll have a better time the rest of the trip.
13. They don’t seem happy when a friend/partner/relative throws them a surprise party.
Is it terrible when an introvert fakes a smile and yet clearly looks upset when their spouse or sibling hosts a surprise gathering for them? While the host might be offended, they should realize that the introvert in their life isn’t a big fan of being surprised by a lot of people. They would rather know about a social event so they can mentally prepare themselves.
14. They keep big news from loved ones for a while.
It might seem offensive when a good friend doesn’t share that they’re in the running for a great new job or that they actually got engaged two months ago. But an introvert likes to take their time when announcing their accomplishments or celebratory moments. They don’t want to be rude or hurt anyone’s feelings, and it doesn’t mean they’re not close with other people. They just want to process their good news before letting anyone else know about it.
15. They stay quiet at first when a friend opens up.
Introverts are great, loyal friends since they’re careful about what they say and care deeply about others. However, this also means that when a friend tells them they’re moving away or dealing with a relative in the hospital, an introvert might seem like they don’t want to talk about it at first. While they might seem rude, they want to take a beat before answering. Anyone offended by an introvert’s reaction will be pleased when they come back later and are ready to have a long, real conversation about what’s happening.
16. They get closer to some family members but keeping others at a distance.
It seems mean that an introvert would tell their aunt all their secrets, but only chat politely with their cousins at family gatherings. But an introvert isn’t going to feel comfortable with all their relatives. It makes sense that they would gravitate toward some family members more than others. After all, they aren’t going to become close friends with everyone they meet, and the same thing applies to their family.
