In your daily interactions, communication helps you to build trust and maintain connections with others. But, not all of it is genuine. Sometimes, people use phrases that come across as kind or polite but are actually red flags that they’re being fake with you. Here are 15 phrases people use when they’re trying to fool you into thinking they’re nice or offering real support.
1. “It’s nothing personal.”
If someone criticizes you and then says, “It’s nothing personal,” chances are you’ll think, “Um, it actually is!” This phrase is usually used by someone trying to create emotional distance from the cruelty of their words or actions. They think it gets them out of trouble—by saying it’s not personal, they’re making you feel like you can’t hold it against them.
2. “I don’t mean to pry, but…”
This phrase screams fake politeness. The person is trying to make you believe they’re not being rude, but whatever they say next will probably be intrusive or disrespectful. For example, they might say, “I don’t mean to pry, but what happened with your ex?” immediately putting you on the spot. Or, they might use this insincere phrase to probe you about someone else, like saying, “I don’t mean to pry, but what do you think of John’s cheating scandal?” They’re trying to seem sincere so you’ll spill all the tea.
3. “To be honest…”
Whenever someone says, “To be honest,” this is immediately a red flag. Why would someone who’s being real with you have to start a sentence with this phrase? If they were being honest, they’d just say what they needed to say and let the truth speak for itself! For example, if you ask your partner if they’re in touch with their ex, they might say, “To be honest, we haven’t talked in months” as a way to make you believe them. But, this phrase isn’t saying anything of value—it feels like filler words, which can make the words that follow seem suspicious.
4. “I would never lie to you.”
If someone has to tell you that they’d never lie to you, it can come across as insincere because it might make you wonder why they have to be so dramatic about it. Saying that they’d “never” lie is an exaggeration. It’s like they’re desperately trying to convince you of their intentions. It can also be a manipulative tactic to make you less likely to question the truthfulness of what they’re telling you because of this over-the-top promise.
5. “Just saying…”
“Just saying” is usually a phrase someone will use after they’ve made a harsh or controversial statement. It’s a way for them to brush off the negativity of their comments and minimize the effects. They want to keep things light and casual, totally disregarding how you feel, which is selfish.
6. “Trust me.”
If someone has to tell you that you should trust them, it’s a red flag that they don’t deserve your trust. If they were genuine, they wouldn’t need to ask you to have faith in them because their actions would naturally encourage you to feel that way. The person might be trying hard to hide the fact that they’ve been dishonest with you by using this phrase. In addition, if they’ve lied to you in the past, they might use this phrase as a way to avoid addressing those previous issues.
7. “I’m a nice person.”
Actions speak louder than words. Someone who’s authentic and decent doesn’t have to market themselves as being a “nice person” to you. Maybe they’re riddled with insecurities, which makes them feel like they have to try to persuade you to like them. Or, perhaps they’re trying to deflect criticism. For example, if you accuse them of being mean, they might respond by saying, “I’m a nice person” as a defensive tactic. Instead of addressing the accusation, they’re resorting to this phrase.
8. “I’m here for you anytime.”
Although the person using this phrase might mean well, it can seem like they’re trying too hard to impress you. It’s unrealistic for someone to be available to others’ needs 24-7, due to their own responsibilities and commitments. If they’re making this promise, it might make you doubt their follow-through, especially if they’ve given you empty promises in the past. Another problem with this phrase is that it’s general and vague, without containing any specific ways in which the person will help you. This makes it lack true feeling.
9. “It’s not a big deal.”
This phrase is usually what someone says when they’re trying to brush off your feelings about an issue. For example, they might say this when you express how hurt you feel because of something they said or did. Or, when you talk about your problems in the hope that they’ll offer you emotional support. Someone who says “It’s not a big deal” lacks empathy—they’re invalidating your experiences by not wanting to engage with you about them.
10. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
When you ask someone for a favor or you give them constructive feedback, if they respond with “I’ll keep that in mind,” it feels like they’re shutting down the conversation. This phrase lacks sincerity because it’s vague and doesn’t commit to them taking any action. They might acknowledge your input but not have any interest in using it, conveying fake politeness in the hope that you’ll drop the issue.
11. “Let me know if you need anything.”
When someone tells you “Let me know if you need anything,” like if you’re mourning the loss of a loved one or going through a traumatic breakup, it might feel fake. They could be using this as a reflexive statement instead of genuinely offering their assistance in a specific way. It’s also a bit insulting because they’re putting the onus on you to ask them for help, which isn’t easy if you’re already feeling overwhelmed because of your situation.
12. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
If someone has wronged you, you might expect them to own up to their mistake and apologize in a heartfelt way by taking responsibility for it. Instead of doing this, they might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Ouch! This feels like a fake apology because the person is conveying that they’re sorry you feel a certain way—not for their negative behavior and making you feel that way. It implies that you’re the problem, not them.
13. “I don’t want to impose, but…”
The phrase “I don’t want to impose, but…” feels insincere because it usually precedes a request that does impose on you! For example, someone might say, “I don’t want to impose, but could I borrow your car?” or “I don’t want to impose, but could you give me feedback on my résumé?” They might be trying to soften the impact of asking you for a favor, but it’s not effective. A better alternative would be something like, “Could I ask you for a favor when you have some time?” This takes the pressure off and prevents you from feeling jumped on by their request.
14. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
If you call someone out for their negative comments or behavior, they might claim that they didn’t “mean it that way.” Although this could be their way of making things right, it doesn’t feel sincere because they’re not addressing the hurt they caused. Rather, it implies that you misinterpreted what happened, which pins the blame and responsibility on you. This phrase can feel like an excuse instead of an honest expression of regret.
15. “Good for you.”
The phrase “Good for you” in response to your success can feel flat and impersonal. The person might be resorting to this phrase because they don’t want to give you a sincere or enthusiastic response, but they also don’t want to remain silent. By simply saying “Good for you,” they can express politeness while not making an effort to show you they care. It’s void of the empathy and support you’d expect to receive.
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